I am a middle-aged woman in my fifties, named Li Qing, and I am this year. I have only given birth to two daughters in my life, the eldest daughter is named Li Nan, who is old this yearThe youngest daughter's name is Li Ting, and she is this year.
In this society where "raising children is difficult to prevent old age", I often hear people around me say that it is more reliable to have a daughter than a son, and it is easy to lie down and win when you are old in the future, because daughters are more filial than sons. However, after experiencing it myself, I realized that this statement is pure wishful thinking. It turns out that relying on a daughter to provide for the elderly is actually more difficult than relying on a son or daughter-in-law, because there are too many uncertain factors.
At the beginning of my life, I was convinced of the phrase "adopted daughters prevent old age". The two daughters have been very obedient and sensible since childhood, especially the eldest daughter Li Nan, who is not only excellent in Xi, but also very filial and never causes us any trouble. The youngest daughter Li Ting is also docile, but her Xi is slightly worse, but she is also very filial to us.
After the two daughters grew up, they did not live up to our expectations. The eldest daughter went out to work after graduating from high school and got married after becoming financially independent. She found a local, close to our house, just a minute by car. The youngest daughter chose to go out to the north to develop and married in a different place.
My wife and I thought we were really lucky, and our two daughters, one close and the other far away, were just right. In the future, when we are old, we can follow our eldest daughter to support the elderly;Although the youngest daughter is far away, her husband is an only child and has a wealthy family, so he can often come back to see us in the future.
Governed by this mindset, we are particularly concerned about our eldest daughter. For her wedding room, we only received half of the normal bride price, and the other half was converted into furniture and appliances, and all the furniture and appliances were given to the eldest daughter. After my eldest daughter gave birth, I also took the initiative to ask Ying to come to her house to help take care of the child and reduce her burden.
I know very well that if you want to rely on your daughter to support your old age, you must be filial to your daughter and integrate into her daughter's family. My wife and I did this step by step, with the aim of being able to retire with our eldest daughter in the future.
Three years ago, my wife was laid off. Originally, we planned to move directly to our eldest daughter's house, so that we achieved the first step in retirement. Who knows, not long after we moved into our daughter's house, my son-in-law's parents were in a car accident and needed support. So, the son-in-law took his father-in-law and mother-in-law into the house.
Suddenly, there were two more people in the family, and the eldest daughter felt that her family was too crowded. She made an excuse that the child was in kindergarten and did not need me to take care of her, so she asked me and my wife to go back to their hometown.
I felt very uncomfortable, but I knew the difficulties of my eldest daughter, so I could only agree gloomily. Since then, she has devoted her time and energy to her parents-in-law, and she has not paid so much attention to us.
I was expecting that my eldest daughter would come and take care of me if I got sick and was hospitalized or something. Last year I had a minor surgery and needed to be hospitalized for observation. I happily called my eldest daughter **, hoping that she would come to the hospital to accompany me.
Unexpectedly, my eldest daughter told me that her father-in-law had just been hospitalized, just downstairs from the hospital where I lived, and she had to run around on both sides every day. I need to take care of my father-in-law during the day, and I have to go home to accompany my mother-in-law at night.
I suggested that she accompany her father-in-law during the day and let her son-in-law come to the hospital to see me at night, but she said that my son-in-law would leave work very late and would not be able to come. I had no choice but to let my wife work hard to accompany me in the hospital.
On the same floor, my daughter was a few floors down, but she couldn't find time to take care of me. I was very sad and disappointed, it turned out that I had always been filial to my daughter, but in the end I could not rely on her to support her in old age.
This hospitalization made me realize the reality. It turns out that there are four very harsh conditions for relying on daughters to support the elderly:
First, daughters and sons-in-law must have the ability to support both parents. It is too stressful to support both in-laws and biological parents.
Second, the son-in-law and the in-laws must agree to support the daughter's return to her parents' home. Traditionally, a woman marries and returns to her in-laws, who usually do not agree to support her mother's family.
Third, the daughter must have the right to speak and make decisions in her in-law's family. If I was controlled by people everywhere, she wouldn't be able to come back and take care of me.
Fourth, we old people must also have financial means ourselves. can't rely on his daughter entirely, otherwise the pressure is too heavy, and his daughter will be unfilial.
Thinking about my daughter's situation, she didn't have any of these four conditions, no wonder something went wrong in the end. On the contrary, if it is a son, as long as the daughter-in-law is good at talking, it will be much easier to provide for the elderly.
That's what I've learned from experiencing it myself. In the future, I will never believe in "raising a daughter to prevent old age", because it is much more difficult to rely on my daughter to support the elderly than I expected. Now that I think about it, do I have a problem too?I relied too much on my eldest daughter and neglected her obligations as a wife. I didn't give her enough room to be on her own, which led to today's results.