A roommate I met when I was renting an apartment in Hangzhou two years ago told me that she valued the interpersonal relationships in the company more than the salary, and whether she was happy with everyone.
For her, having a bad relationship can be painful for her, something more serious than a low salary.
Later, she resigned from the company where her boss suppressed her and her colleagues excluded her, and found a company with a good interpersonal atmosphere, and she has been working until now.
How to deal with interpersonal relationships and make the interpersonal atmosphere in your life and work more comfortable, is the main topic of conversation today.
Before I talk about this topic, I have to fart one thing I was proud of in elementary school:
When I was in sixth grade, our homeroom teacher started a campaign for everyone to vote anonymously for the most popular person in their hearts, and I thought that another female classmate in our class was better than me, and she and I were almost alternately the first two people in the class.
When the voting results came out, I was surprised to have the most votes in our class, and there was a class president, and there was a male classmate I forgot who it was. Then, the teacher gave the three of us 10 yuan eachI was really happy at the time, but I didn't expect so many classmates to like me.
Later, when I thought back to the reason for being liked, it was actually quite simple. When it comes to learning, it's not the only best;**Lao, I am just a study committee member, and I don't contribute as much to everyone as the class leader.
I think the only habit that I have that is different is that I have a very cheerful personality, and I must answer questions many times in every Chinese class.
And usually if there are classmates who don't know how to ask me, I will patiently explain to them, and when I meet me on the road, I will also call out the name of my classmate and greet him warmly, and I will often praise the kind and beautiful female classmates.
Looking at Carnegie's "The Weakness of Human Nature", I realized that this is one of the more popular points in interpersonal communication, that isKeep smiling, remembering names, and sincere concern.
The anecdotes I learned about Roosevelt** in the book made me understand once again the importance of caring deeply for others.
In his book Theodore Roosevelt: The Hero of the Chamberlain, Roosevelt's black squire, Amers, said that once his wife asked Roosevelt what the quail was like, and Roosevelt took the trouble to tell her.
Soon the bell rang at Emers's house, and he told his wife that there was a quail bird outside the window, and if she looked out of the window, she could see it. (Emers and his wife lived in a small house within Roosevelt's Oyster Bay residence).
And no matter what time of day they pass by outside their house, sometimes they don't see them, and they can still hear the kind shout: "Hi. Emers!Hi. Annie!”
Caring about such a small matter as others, keeping in mind the words of others, and often greeting others warmly with others is exactly one of Roosevelt's characteristics.
And who wouldn't love someone like that?
The next 5 principles, if you can practice and use them regularly in your life, I believe that even the worst interpersonal relationships will be significantly improved.
Make others feel comfortable and comfortable, and take care of other people's emotions and face
It is not to sacrifice one's own emotional feelings, but to highlight the gentle background of human nature.
Many netizens like Da Zhang Wei very much, he is famous for helping others to solve the siege.
For example, once Liu Yan's mother complained on the show that Liu Yan always spent money to buy things for herself, and complained that she bought 99 roses for herself on her birthday, and it was wasted that she couldn't eat or drink.
Wu Xin said that she could take pictures, and Liu Yan's mother said that she did, but she didn't want her daughter to spend money in vain.
Da Zhang Wei said that it is not wronged, because it is worthy of your beauty, and nothing else is worthy.
The audience burst into thunderous applause.
How to solve the problem of "adults complaining about children spending money on themselves", here, Da Zhang Wei used a witty and humorous compliment to make Liu Yan's mother happy and no longer complain about Liu Yan.
not only praised Liu Yan's mother, but also justified Liu Yan's reputation for not spending money indiscriminately. How can people not be liked by thinking about others everywhere?
Therefore, the first rule in interpersonal communication is to make others feel comfortable.
If you want to build a good relationship with the other person, you need to make the other person feel at ease with you.
Because we all like to be around people who make us feel comfortable.
Sharp criticism and rebuke will never get the result you want;
Sincere appreciation and praise always bring unexpected results.
Do we all have this feeling: when facing criticism and accusation, just like dealing with attack, we subconsciously want to try our best to justify our mistakes, because criticism hurts our self-esteem and self-respect, and will provoke our instinctive resistance.
And when faced with praise, we want to do better if we live up to our name;If you don't live up to your name, you will try your best to make yourself worthy of the praise of others.
But in fact, many people will have endless accusations and faulty mistakes for the things they hate, on the contrary, they don't say a word about the things they like.
I once watched an interview with a high school student who was very connotative, and the reporter asked him why he could read so many poems and famous books
He said that because his classmates usually praised him for being knowledgeable and a genius, he felt that he was not qualified enough, but he didn't want to live up to the praise of his classmates, so he read books like crazy, and then he really became what his classmates praised him.
The well-known psychologist Skinler proved through an experiment that
Those who are rewarded for their good deeds learn faster and are more sustainableThose who are punished for bad behavior are less able to do so with both speed and persistence.
Criticism does not change reality, it only invites resentment;Praise motivates people to move forward and constantly improve themselves.
If someone else makes a mistake, give correction and advice in a pleasant tone, you can take advantage of the "sandwich effect" in psychology
Acknowledging and affirming first, then expressing criticism and giving suggestions, and then giving expectations and praise, considering the other party's feelings from the other party's standpoint, and protecting the other party's self-esteem, will often get twice the result with half the effort.
Regarding compliments, we have to pay extra attention to:Praise should be based on objective facts, not flattery, otherwise it will be superficial, selfish, and hypocriticalThe consequence of this praise is that it often fails.
Because compliments to others are nothing more than euphemistic expressions of praise for oneself.
Don't worry about nothing to praise, as long as you observe carefully, you will find that everyone has aspects that are stronger than themselves, and in these aspects, we are worthy of praise and learning.
So the second rule is not to blame!Don't blame!Don't blame!Be wise in giving advice and praise others.
If you see this, go and praise the person you want to praise, and you're sure to get a great feedback.
Stimulate the needs of the other party and provide ways to satisfy them, enough to influence the other person;
As long as there is a place where people can satisfy each other, they can continue to socialize.
Always think from someone else's point of view, see things from their point of view, take into account their interests, if you understand this truth and continue to practice it, it will be a milestone in your career.
For example, beating workers,It is necessary to figure out who the company serves, and how the people being served want to be served better, including the boss and customers, so that they can have a good reputation, and then be promoted and raisedMaintain a good relationship with both Party A;
For example, writing articles,It's important to figure out who your target audience is and what they want to get in order to produce content that people want, and you can get the fulfillment and reward you wantto maintain a good relationship with the reader;
For example, advertising,It is necessary to figure out what the customer really needs and satisfy it, so that the product can be sold continuouslyMaintain a good relationship with customers.
In response to the recent hot Dong Yuhui and New Oriental incidents, I want to say: If you want to be a successful anchor with goods, don't forget that you must put the needs of customers who buy your things first.
Everyone admires and loves Dong Yuhui because he is sincere to customers, thanks to every customer who comes to buy, they make him live a comfortable life, and he also repays the favor and does his best to truly strive for the greatest interests of customers.
A good relationship is about having the ability to capture the other person's point of view and to see things from different perspectives on yourself and the other person.
Owen once said: People who can put themselves in the shoes of others and gain insight into their psychology never have to worry about their future.
So the third criterion is to stimulate the real needs of the other person, and then meet his needs.
Only by stimulating the legitimate and urgent needs of the other side and satisfying them can both sides benefit from it.
Genuinely caring about others, being interested in others, enough to win attention;
Be a good listener to others, attentive to others, and encourage talking about yourself.
A well-known editor once said: If you want to be a successful ** family, don't forget that you must first have due interest in others.
Only if you truly care about others can you win their attention, help, and cooperation, even the busiest people.
During the American Civil War, Lincoln wrote to a friend of his to come to Washington to discuss with him the appropriateness of emancipating the slaves.
Throughout the discussion, Lincoln was mostly talking about the knowledge that Lincoln neededA friendly, empathetic listener allows him to vent his inner anguish at that time
This is what each of us needs when we are depressed, whether it is an angry customer, a dissatisfied boss, a friend who is emotionally hurt, or a lonely old man.
Sometimes a good listener is a good psychiatrist, because many people go to the doctor because all they need is someone who can listen to them quietly and respond appropriately.
Years ago, a customer who did not admit to owing $15 was notified by the company's finance department that he refused to pay and said that he would not have a penny of business with the company in the future.
The founder of the company resisted the urge to quarrel, let the customer vent his dissatisfaction, and calmly said: If our company's finance department offends you, I believe they will also offend others, and the consequences are unimaginable, please believe me, I urgently need the facts you just told me.
At this point, the customer felt like a fist on the cotton.
He came to negotiate, but the founder did not argue with him, but praised him for being a careful person.
The company deals with thousands of accounts every day, but for customers it is only one by one, so customers probably can't get it wrong (in fact, it's also a euphemism that everyone can make mistakes), and the $15 account is eliminated.
Perhaps touched by the founder's reception and handling of him, the customer went home and checked his account and found the $15 note, which turned out to be misplaced. So he repaid the loan with a letter of apology, and has since become a loyal customer of the company.
So the fourth criterion is: to make others interested in us, we must first be interested in others, be good at listening, and think about problems from the other person's point of viewThen many interpersonal problems will be solved.
Don't forget that the person you're talking to is 100 times more interested in his own needs and problems than in you.
In the depths of human nature, they all yearn to be valued;
Make people feel that he is important, and do it sincerely.
Used here"Words like "desire", rather than "hope", are meant to indicate the extent to which human beings want to be valued.
Many people's critical complaints are essentially looking for a sense of self-respect, and when they get this sense of self-respect, those unrealistic grievances will disappear.
For example, many couples quarrel, one party keeps complaining, when the other party understands that the root cause of the other party's complaint is that the other party ignores his feelings, if this feeling is taken seriously and treated well, the grievance will no longer exist.
Many women feel that their husband's attitude towards them has changed greatly before and after marriage, because the man pleases him in every possible way before marriage and pursues him sweetly.
But once married, the man feels that the task of marrying a wife and having children is completed, and he no longer takes care of the relationship as he did before marriage, specifically, for example, he no longer praises his wife.
If you want to have a happy married life, don't accuse your wife of being wrong and compare yourself to your mother.
Always show in your words how important your wife is to the family (in fact, she is), always praise her for her ability to run the family, praise her for her hard work or how well she keeps the house in order, and say to others that you have a talented, beautiful and considerate wife.
Even if she burns the braised pork ribs, don't complain at all, but say that it was just a momentary mistake;Always buy her small gifts and bring her some sweet little surprises;If you are wrong, you must correct it and make up for it with practical actions.
When you think that your wife is very important from the bottom of your heart, she will take you and the family to heart.
Dewey believed that the most basic life motive force of human beings is "".The desire to be an important personBut most people hide their true intentions in their social lives.
So the fifth rule is to make others feel that he is important!
Whether it's a butcher, a toaster, or a king on a throne, everyone likes those who respect him and care for him.
People have a natural desire to express their honor and merits, and the desire for expression of big people is usually greater than that of ordinary people.
Everyone needs to socialize, as long as they are sincere and understand some of the right ways to treat others, they can build good social relationships with others.
These are the five principles that we need to understand and practice:
Make others feel comfortable with you, praise them a lot, give advice in a reasonable way, be good at stimulating and satisfying the needs of the other person, be good at listening and caring for others, and make others feel that they are important.
And two tips to smile more and remember other people's names in your own unique way.
It is hoped that people who are socially phobic and unsociable can win the respect of others from the bottom of their hearts, make friends who are honest with each other, achieve a beautiful life experience, and learn to get along with others and the world.