Counselors often suggest that some parents "let go" of their children in counseling, and many parents will feel that I am so strict and he is not obedient, then I let go, he is even more unlikely to study hard, whether to write homework depends on the mood, and the mobile phone does not leave the hand, is this good for the child?
Let's take a look at the misunderstandings of parents in the process of letting go today
What is "letting go"?Why "let go"?
Letting go is to let children solve their own problems independently, give them the right to decide their own things, and let children take responsibility for their own problems, so as to exercise children's independence and autonomy, and let children be better responsible for themselves.
Then why did he take care of everything for the child before, and the child was willing to let him arrange everything for him, but suddenly one day the situation changed?
Because children before the age of eighteen are in a stage of rapid development and change, the psychological characteristics and psychological needs of each stage are different. Around adolescence, children become more independent and self-conscious, and begin to develop their own thinking and ideas. At this time, it is easy to find that the child begins to refuse to obey, close the door, and avoid communication. This is one of the reasons why parents have to learn to "let go";
Second, only by learning to "let go" and being good at "letting go" can children really grow up as they wish. Parents can try to let go of the small things and gradually increase their children's autonomy. For example, when going out to eat, we can let the child choose what to eat, and when doing housework, let the child participate in distribution and labor, which can increase the child's level of participation, increase the child's self-confidence and sense of belonging.
The better the parent's protection in the early stage, the worse the child's ability to cope with the outside world later. It is easy to go to two extremes: not to be overly submissive, and to be pinched as a soft persimmon (such as being bullied by school);Don't rebel too much and become a so-called "rebellious" child.
We just talked about a lot of hidden dangers to children's growth when they should "let go", so what are the parts that need to be paid attention to in this process?
First, let go ≠ let go
Letting go is when parents with love and care, pay attention to their children's behavior while not interfering at will, and when children send out messages for help, they can appear in time and give a positive response, and children feel trust and peace of mindLaissez-faire is to not care about the child at all, not pay attention, and let it go, and the child feels abandoned and rejected, which is harmful to the child. For example, if the child is still playing with the mobile phone very late, the parents do not care about it and do not remind it, and if they get up late the next day and do not go to school, they will not go if they do not go, and they will blindly tolerate the child's wrong behavior, which is called laissez-faire. This kind of laissez-faire has a sense of punishment and anger, which will make the child feel that his parents do not care about him, give up on himself, and he will not work hard to learn and live.
The solution is to tell the child: I believe you can control your time, go to bed when it's almost time to play, and you won't be able to wake up tomorrow if it's too late. Then leave the child's room, give the child the trust, and give the child time to solve the problem. 
Second, there is no real letting go
"The love we give to our children should be a wall that can not only shelter from the wind and rain, but also caress and scatter light with the breeze. ”Education is a grand farewell, and the best love parents give their children is to know how to let go, and before letting go, the love is deeply rooted in the hearts of children and gives them unlimited motivation.
When the child deviates, guide in time, give encouragement and support when the child encounters setbacks, and wait in place when the child is far away, so as to live their own life.
In fact, many times parents' anxiety comes more from themselves, and they have taken on a lot of responsibilities for their children, for fear that their children will make mistakes, but "how can you learn to walk without wrestling, and how can you know the hardships of life without suffering", so learning to let go and being good at letting go is an important and essential lesson for parents.