You are a "social phobia.""Or "Sheniu.""?This is a very popular buzzword on the Internet, many people have said that they are social phobes, they will be afraid of being scrutinized in small groups, once they find that others pay attention to themselves, they are unnatural, they dare not look up, they dare not look at people, and even feel ashamed, they dare not speak in public, and they dare not sit in front of the assembly.
In front of the opposite sex, strict bosses, fiancés' parents, or acquaintances, it may be accompanied by low self-esteem, fear of criticism, blushing, shaking hands, nausea, urgency to urinate, and in severe cases, it may develop to the level of panic attacks.
So, what causes them to have a fear of socializing?Is it just "socializing" that they are afraid of?
First, let's take a look at social phobia and its types
People with social terror are always in a state of anxiety. Their fear of being seen in front of others, being observed, socializing, or even appearing in public is an extremely terrifying task for them. Social terror can be divided into two main categories:
1.Generalized social phobia
A person with generalized social phobia is afraid that he will be the center of attention in any place and in any situation. He will feel that everyone around him is watching him, observing his every little movement;He is afraid of being introduced to strangers, and even eats and drinks in public places;He avoids shopping malls and restaurants as much as possibleHe never dared to argue with his boss, his colleagues, or anyone else to defend his rights.
They are always worried that they will make a fool of themselves in front of others, and before attending any social gathering, they feel extreme anxiety and constantly imagine how they can make a fool of themselves in front of others. When they are actually with someone else, they feel even more unnatural and can't even say a word. When the meeting is over, they will relive the footage in their minds over and over again, reviewing how they handled every detail and what they should have done right. Some of these social phobes have some physical reactions: flushing, dry mouth, sweating, a pounding heartbeat, and a desire to go to the toilet. Worst of all, when they realize that others have found out that they have these "abnormal" conditions, social phobes tend to enter a state of panic and are completely unable to think.
2.Specific types of social phobia
Specific social phobia refers to the fact that some people will have a state of social phobia in some specific situations, especially fear. The most typical is that he is afraid of speaking and performing in public, but he is not afraid in other social situations. For example, salesmen, actors, teachers, performers, etc., often have specific types of social phobia. There is nothing unusual about them in their normal interactions with others, but when they are about to perform on stage or give a public speech, they feel extreme fear, and often they become stammered and even stunned on the spot. And this abnormal situation may also appear after a period of time in this profession, generally after being hit or unable to bear the pressure, there is a stress reaction, and there are psychological problems.
In addition, according to the specific manifestations, the symptoms can also be divided into 13 types of fear: fear of sight, fear of expression, fear of the opposite sex, fear of writing, fear of classroom, fear of partying, fear of eating, fear of sweating, fear of toilet, fear of farting, fear of body odor.
So, who do most of these "social fears" appear in?What is it that is fearful?
1.Introverts
People who are more introverted are generally very quiet and do not like to interact with others, and this type of person is often emotionally unstable and can easily develop anxiety. Whenever you encounter something stimulating, the reaction will be very strong, and it is very difficult to calm down when you are emotional. Perhaps this is precisely because when interacting with people, there are strong emotional reactions that lead to inability to adapt well, and fear of interacting with people.
2. People with sensitive personalities
Some people with sensitive personalities often speculate about the intentions of others, and sometimes they don't do that at all, and they will magnify things because of their own sensitivity. For example, I feel that I can see that others are dissatisfied with me in the eyes of others, I am unnatural with others, I am unwilling to talk, I am nervous and afraid to care more about other people's opinions, I am afraid of hurting others when I do anything, I am also afraid of making a fool of myself in front of others, and I will always obey others when communicating and expressing with others, and I have no opinions of my own.
3. People with low self-esteem
Some people have a very low self-esteem of themselves, always lack self-confidence, despise themselves, always feel inferior, feel that they have too many shortcomings and dare not communicate with others, afraid that they will be disgusted by others and stay away from others, lack of self-confidence, dare not look directly into their eyes when interacting with other people, even if they collide with each other's eyes, they will quickly avoid, easy to make each other not embarrassed, and there is no way to chat normally.
4. Perfectionist
Perfectionists are also a group of people who are prone to social phobia. This type of person has very high requirements for himself, and will want to perform very well and perfectly in front of everyone, no matter what the occasion, he will demand himself like this in order to be praised by others. But people can't always be perfect in all aspects, and when this kind of perfectionist encounters failure, he has a certain sense of frustration in his heart, so he will be afraid to meet people and get along with people.
5.Likes to close yourself off
Most visitors will close themselves off and hide in what they think is safe, they are afraid of socializing, and they will try to avoid all kinds of social activities such as gatherings, dinners, and group activities.
6. SuspiciousFear of associating with others, fear of others knowing their hearts
In the process of interacting with others, I am always worried that others will find the other side of their inner imperfections, always think that their imperfections are shortcomings, worry that once they are discovered, their image will be affected, and they will also affect their social interactions, and they will often cover up their imperfections, and they will avoid contact with others by avoiding social activities. Always suspicious that others can find out that we are nervous right now. In fact, our rapid heartbeat, muscle tension and other manifestations are unlikely to be noticed by others.
To sum up, we can find that what they fear may not be "socializing" itself, but the courage to open their hearts, yesIt stems from the non-acceptance of the self, the disidentification of the self, the unclear psychological boundary, and the lack of a clear understanding of oneself and the outside world.
At a deeper level**, the essential cause of social phobia lies in the contradiction between self-identity and social identity.
The establishment of most of our people's sense of self-identity actually needs the encouragement and recognition from parents, teachers, and society in childhood, and these external recognitions will give immature individuals nourishment and encouragement, so that individuals can feel accepted by the outside world, feel that the social environment is safe, and they dare to express themselves honestly.
When he knows that honest expression of himself will not be denied and will not be hurt, so his personality can be released and positive feedback from the external environment, so as to gradually establish his identification with himself, he will believe that his true attitude is affirmed and worthy of love.
However, because the entire educational environment is inevitably distorted, individuals will be bullied, negatively contrasted, and distorted guidance and encouragement during the sensitive period of adolescence when they are in junior high school and high school, and most of us will drift more and more away from our self-identity.
The essence of social anxiety lies in the inferiority complex caused by some embarrassments, troubles, failures, etc., experienced when the young personality is not perfect.
This kind of inferiority complex will also evolve into learned helplessness and habitual avoidance, so that individuals do not dare to try, dare not meet challenges, and cannot get favorable growth and experience during the period of personality development, so that the individual's mind will not only not be improved, but even slowly "atrophied".
Social anxiety can make you feel uncomfortable, nervous, fearful, blushing, and flustered when socializing with others, walking, shopping, attending classes, and even playing **.
The most frightening thing is that if this anxiety is not relieved or transferred in the initial stage, it will gradually expand and erode more layers of your life, and you will have more anxiety because of this "anxiety".
Therefore, the most fundamental way to solve social phobia is to build your own psychological boundaries, gradually eliminate the influence of social identity on you, and establish self-identity.