When we talk about marriage, we tend to think of love, and we tend to think that marriage is the continuation of love, the sublimation of love, and the goal of love. We tend to expect that marriage will allow us to have a perfect other half, an eternal soul mate, and an infinite happiness. But are these ideas really correct?Are these expectations really reasonable?Are these happiness really reliable?
In this article, I will tell you a fact that you may not want to hear, or accept, or believe, that is, the truth of marriage is not love, but cooperation. I will elaborate on this point of view from three aspects: the polygamy of human beings and the instability of love, the constituent elements of social viability and happiness, and the fantasy of soulmates and the need for self-improvement. I hope that through this article, you will be able to have a clearer, more objective, and more rational understanding of marriage, and you will also be able to have a deeper, more honest, and more confident reflection on yourself.
1. The polygamous nature of human beings and the instability of love.
Some people say that marriage is the grave of love, and some people say that marriage is the destination of love, but in fact, marriage is neither nor just love, but a cooperative relationship based on mutual benefit. In this relationship, love is only a flavoring, not the main ingredient, and it is not a guarantee to maintain the marriage.
First of all, we must face up to the reality that human beings are polygamous. It is difficult for both men and women to love only one person in their lives, it is human instinct and nature, as well as the diversity and complexity of human beings. According to some studies, 90% of men and 80% of women will have had an affair or heartbeat experience in marriage, which shows that love cannot fully meet human emotional needs, nor can it completely restrain human emotional behavior. Therefore, if we base our marriage on love, it is easy to have crises and breakdowns, because love is unstable, volatile, and difficult to control.
2. The constituent elements of social viability and happiness.
Secondly, we must understand a truth, that is, happiness is not equal to love. Many people think that as long as there is love, there will be happiness, but this is an illusion and a misdirection. True happiness is built on the social viability of you and your significant other, and on the basis of your ability to support each other, respect each other, understand each other, and grow each other. Men look at a woman not only because of her beauty and fertility, but also because of her character and intelligence, her talent and taste, her contribution and value. Women look at men not only because of his economic ability and social status, but also because of his responsibilities and responsibilities, his charm and temperament, and his beliefs and ideals. This kind of relationship is actually a commercial relationship, a trading relationship, and a relationship of equivalent exchange. Only when this kind of transaction is fair, balanced, and win-win, can the marriage be stable and lasting, otherwise, there will be quarrels, separations, divorces and other consequences.
3. The fantasy of the soul mate and the need for self-improvement.
Finally, we must let go of one fantasy, which is a soulmate. Many people hope to find someone who is completely in line with their hearts, fully understands their feelings, and completely fulfills their wishes, this person is their soul mate and their true destiny. But this is an unrealistic idea and an irresponsible attitude. Because, no two people in this world are exactly the same, no two people are perfectly suitable, and no two people are completely perfect. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, everyone has their own likes and dislikes, everyone has their own dreams and confusions. If we have too high feelings and expectations for anyone, it is easy to be disappointed and hurt, it is easy to blame and complain, and it is easy to give up and run away. Many men are hurt by women, in fact, not because of women's problems, but because of their own problems, they don't have enough ability and ability to find more women, they don't have enough courage and confidence to face more women, they don't have enough wisdom and skills to conquer more women. The reason why a person is hurt by something is because he cares too much about this thing, is too nervous about this thing, is too dependent on this thing, and why cares, why is he nervous, why is he dependent, it is because this thing is too scarce, too important, too necessary for him, and this is the root cause.
In this life, 99% of the pain and loneliness come from lack of money and love, and the essence of lack of money and love is lack of ability and self-confidence. If we want to get rid of pain and loneliness, we must improve our ability and self-confidence, we must increase our value and charm, we must expand our horizons and resources, and we must change our thinking and behavior. Marriage is not an end, but a starting point, not a result, but a process, not an end, but a means. We should not think of marriage as a burden, but as an opportunity, not as a bondage, but as a freedom, not as a sacrifice, but as an investment. Only in this way can we truly enjoy the joy of marriage, truly experience the meaning of marriage, and truly realize the value of marriage.
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