As the saying goes: the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is tense and often becomes a point of conflict in the family. Indeed, it is rare for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along in harmony, and it is not uncommon for them to be discordant or even hostile to each other. Many people will blame the husband who is caught in the middle, after all, it is because of them that they have the relationship of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law;It is precisely because they love the same man together that they let their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live under the same roof.
It is undeniable that the husband has an unshirkable responsibility for the discord between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. However, we must know that the real reason for the discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not just the husband, but the father-in-law!The father-in-law is the main reason for the tension between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the family, don't believe it!
1. The lack of affection for the father-in-law leads to the mother-in-law's lover complex.
Why can't many mothers-in-law quit their son's small family in time after their son gets married, but always participate and interfere?Actually, this is mainly because the mother-in-law has nowhere else to put their emotions in. They regard their sons as their only emotional sustenance, so they will unconsciously interfere in the lives of their sons and daughters-in-law, thus causing conflicts between their mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.
Is it their fault that the mother-in-law pinned all their emotions on her son?It is true that the mother-in-law also has some mistakes, but the one who should really take responsibility is the father-in-law!Traditional Chinese couples often lack communication and exchange.
Husbands often use busy work as an excuse not to participate in family affairs, not to care about their wives' emotions, not to take care of their children, ......And women tend to have more emotional needs than men. When the husband is unable to give his wife spiritual comfort, the wife will pin that emotion on the child, and even if the child is married, it will not change.
As a result, family relations began to become strained, and the mother-in-law was worried that her son would be taken away by her daughter-in-law, so she regarded her daughter-in-law as an enemy and was dissatisfied with her everywhere;When she has grandchildren, her mother-in-law pins her emotions on her grandchildren and competes with her daughter-in-law for children, hoping that she can become the closest person to her children. This makes family conflicts escalate and difficult to calm down.
In fact, everyone longs to be loved and to be recognized for their worth. If mothers-in-law get enough comfort and approval from their partners, they will not interfere in the lives of their sons and daughters-in-law, and they will also reduce the occurrence of family conflicts.
Just like Xu's mother in the TV series "Centimeters of Love", she has been raising her son alone since the divorce and regards her son as her everything. "I have devoted my whole life to the care of my son, and I am fully committed and dedicated," she said. I want to pay attention to his studies, his life, his thoughts and feelings, and I want to grasp everything. ”
It is precisely because of Xu's mother's excessive interference and control of her son that her son has experienced emotional failures again and again, and even expressed his lifelong remarriage under anger. However, in the end, the son still married the girl he loved, provided that Xu's mother remarried her ex-husband, and Xu's mother found her spiritual sustenance and was busy managing her emotional life, so she had no time to take care of her son's trivial affairs.
It can be seen that the key person who really leads to the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and frequent family conflicts is not the husband or mother-in-law, but the father-in-law who is often ignored and absent!
2. The absence of the father-in-law in family affairs has left no one to settle the family conflict.
Under the influence of the long-term idea of "male dominance, female dominance", some men take it for granted that they are only responsible for making money, and that family affairs are entirely the responsibility of women. As a result, the vast majority of men have very low participation in family affairs, not only do they never share household chores, but they are also indifferent to the management of family relationships and the education of their children.
In real life, many fathers-in-law uphold traditional thinking, and they take the lead in major decisions outside the family at every turn, in order to show their status as the pillar of the family, exposing their machismo. However, when it comes to matters within the family, whether it's getting along with their daughters-in-law or taking care of their grandchildren, they always stay out of the way and put all the blame on the mother-in-law.
On the one hand, the father-in-law's lack of involvement in family affairs will make the son learn such a pattern of behavior, and the son will take it for granted that men do not need to care about family matters, especially the contradictions and conflicts between women within the family. Therefore, when there is a conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband, as the intermediary, often stays out of the situation and does not mediate. This situation will inevitably lead to the escalation and intensification of the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
On the other hand, the father-in-law does not participate in family affairs and ignores the disputes between the women in the family, leaving the son isolated and unable to calm the family conflicts. After all, as a son and a husband, both sides are people they can't afford to offend, no matter who they help to speak, it's not good, even if they are reasonable, they will be regarded as not paying attention to feelings.
But the father-in-law is different, the father-in-law is an elder, as long as he shows a little authority, both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law will be in awe of him. Therefore, the father-in-law plays an important role in family affairs. He can not only set an example for his son, but also play a key role in impartially adjudicating and resolving conflicts when his son is caught between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
In general, in the conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, the role of the father-in-law is not inferior to that of the husband, and may even be greater than that of the husband. An active father-in-law can not only provide emotional support to the father-in-law, but also better alleviate the conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In addition, the father-in-law can also lead by example and urge his son to be a responsible and kind husband.