Author: Chen Mo.
*: Adolescent life recovery.
Chen Mo is an expert in child and adolescent psychoeducation and counseling. **Teacher Chen Mo's speech at the "First Youth Psychological Safety Forum".
Testimonials:
On the second day of the first Youth Psychological Safety Forum, Chen Mo, an expert in adolescent psychological education, gave a speech that was deafening to educators. She talked about the contradiction between current education and children's characteristics and needs from the "six major conflicts". And many educators are unaware of these "conflicts", which are the root cause of psychological problems.
The conflict of "instrumentalized cultivation - the awakening of self-consciousness".
When I was a child, I was "a drop of water in the sea, a grain of sand in the desert", but we children today are not. They think, "I've been here, geese have been gramophonic, how can you not know that I've been here?""I'm going to show you.
They feel that they are extremely valuable as individuals and are welcomed into the world by their parents, so their self-consciousness rises early, and the goal of people is the realization of self-worth. The realization of self-worth is based on self-awareness. Therefore, today's children have to figure out who they are and what they can do in the future very early.
But we have conflicts, and we need them to be useful. When we need engineers, they'd better be engineers, and when we need them, they'd better be doctors. We don't realize that conflict is the root cause of psychological problems.
The conflict of "collectivism-individualization".
At the moment, a child came into the world, holding an iPad at the age of two. With the iPad, he was able to be alone and at the same time integrated with the iPad.
Such a child, if he is only two years old, is indistinguishable from the real world and the virtual world. He can perceive the feelings of the virtual world in the real world;In the virtual world, perceive the exploration of the real world. This kind of living environment makes him very demanding for individualization.
But the evaluation of our education on students is still a collectivist evaluation. A student's quality is judged by his performance in the collective environment, which is mainly an adaptation to collectivization. That's the conflict.
If you ask a person who desperately needs to be alone to evaluate him in a collectivized environment, some children will feel that he is unlikely to be rated as good in a collectivized environment, so they will hide away and enjoy solitude.
If we are going to adapt him to collectivization, can our education provide him with collectivization activities?We even want to take spring outings and autumn outings. Has a junior high school student ever participated in a group dance?A lot of them don't. But that's what we say about the kids. That's the conflict.
The conflict of "equal personality - traditional order".
Today's children come into this world with the love of two generations, and their self-esteem is high. Moreover, if the education of the two generations is complete, then the rational thinking ability of the third generation of children must be relatively strong, and they have high requirements for personality equality.
Your children always talk back to you, why?Because he has an idea. Our traditional order is that the previous generation controls the next generation, which is the authoritative model, and if I am the head teacher or the class teacher, you have to listen to what I say.
I once saw a small **, which shocked me very much: in class, a female teacher walked up to a boy's seat and scolded him loudly. When the boy returned the mouth, the teacher slapped him in the face, and then the boy slapped him back. That scene made me think for a long time, **Something went wrong?
A few days ago, a teacher collected a student's mobile phone in the classroom, and the student went up and locked the teacher's throat. I'm also thinking, something is wrong with us?
The teacher asked a girl to stand at the door of the office, because she didn't say "report" when she came in, the teacher told her to quit, and she had to make a report when she came in, and she had to be polite. The girl said, I'll report you up. I asked the girl, why are you reluctant to say this report?Personalities, she said, are equal. Even if I'm a criminal, I don't have to say it.
This is the child of the moment. If we want not to conflict with them, we need to grow in our education and understand what the "educated" are. But what part do we need to grow?We don't realize it.
The conflict between the need for mutual love and the competitive environment
Today's children are all kinder. They love their fellow human beings and love small animals. When a small animal dies, the child will cry. But our educational environment is not an environment of mutual love;Our educational environment is highly competitive.
A teacher at a school talked to a girl and told her, Li Xiaohong, you are always in the top 3 in your class in exams, but this time you only took 14 exams, so much regression. Your good friend Ma Xiaoling is now in the top three, and I tell you that your academic performance in the future will be far inferior to your good friend.
Within a few days, Ma Xiaoling came to see a psychiatrist. She said, my good friend blocked me, I don't know what I did wrong, why did you block me, I can't sleep at night, I value my relationship with good friends. As a result, she developed a tendency to be depressed.
Their teachers create a class environment that is harmful to each other. Do any of your teachers tell students that you are doing well in Chinese studies, and can you talk to the students in your class who are lagging behind in Chinese after the exam?Is there such a teacher?Is this hard?
Some students don't go to school, he tells you, it's not that I don't want to study, it's that this environment makes me too uncomfortable, don't ask me, I can't tell the uncomfortable in**.
The conflict of "meaning-seeking-resource grabbing".
Today's children have met the most basic survival needs and life needs, and they have a high starting point. The needs of this generation are different from ours, they seek to understand the meaning of life, to pursue the formation of a cosmology.
But our education has not changed, and we are still telling our children what we want in educationDo you win souls?Need more resources?
Some children have not been in school since the second year of junior high school, and now they are in their first year of high school, and their parents brought them to me, and the children told me, "What are you calling me for?"You told me to go to school, right?To go to school is to get into college, to go to university is to find a good job, and to find a good job is to live a good life. But teacher, my current day is the best day, I don't have any pressure, I want to lie on the sofa and read a book, I want to lie in bed and look at my phone, I have the best life, why don't you let me live?Do you have logic?”
I could only tell him, "You didn't buy the bed you slept on, you didn't buy the sofa you lie on, they don't let you lie down."
Then I went to the next room and told his mother, who was a teacher, that you were harming the children at home and the students outside, and you must have told them.
Even in the past, the traditional imperial examination education was to allow students to have fun in their pursuit of knowledge. But now reading has become an exam, a competition, and who can stand the place where they go every day is the competition field?
Someone told me that if we don't change the exam-oriented education, we can't do anything, and the general direction is like this. Wrong!I never think so, don't throw it in the basket. Is there any place that should not be examined, and which place is not selected?
The problem is in consciousness, please think about it a little deeper, we don't have the desire to learn, we don't call our children to seek knowledge, so we have competitions.
Education doesn't match our current children. A high school student told me that school is not a place to solve puzzles, and that I can't solve my problems in elementary school, junior high school, and still can't solve ...... in high schoolThat's what we need to think about in education.
The conflict between "low-birthrate families and large classrooms".
Today's children come into this world, and if they are families with a medium level or higher in a big city, they can basically move in a room of 100 square meters.
I saw a **, a little baby just could walk, the family barricaded the space for him with plastic foam, and the living room was full of his toys. He enjoys his infant stage growing up in the living room space.
But our classrooms haven't changed in decades, and there are still dozens of students crammed into a small space. These children who grew up in a 100-square-meter family space, and then come to such a classroom space to study, and when there are children, they will want to go home because there are too many people, too noisy, and it is very uncomfortable.
But back when we were children, it was possible to live in a dozen square meters for three generations. Our space in the classroom doesn't feel the same as today's children.
The class system has not changed for decades, and then there are fewer new students, fewer children, can the class size be less?No way. It is impossible to shrink the class even if you want to close the school.
So everyone, I'll put a sentence and wait here, "Our future children may suddenly stand up and walk out of the classroom, and this phenomenon will become more and more." Psychological problems can also rise in overdrive. ”