1 Once, I jokingly asked my four-year-old daughter: "We are going to raise a pig, but we need to arrange work, we want to choose one person to feed the pig delicious food every day, one person to clean the pig every day, one person to bathe the pig every day, and one person to play with the pig every day, what are you going to do?".Without hesitation, the daughter replied, "Be a pig!"”
2The wife complained that it was too cold at night and bought an electric blanket, but the husband was afraid that it would not be safe, so after half a day of explanation, he was willing to sleep on the electric blanket. Before going to bed, my wife put a piece of ham in the oven and grilled it at low heat so that she didn't have to rush to make breakfast in the morning. After midnight, a smell of meat wafted into the bedroom, and the husband woke up from his dream, jumped up, shook his wife and said, "Honey, wake up, we are roasted." ”
3. Idle and bored on the Internet, the first sentence when I meet two people is an appointment, speechless. Later, I thought that it was okay anyway, so I asked the two of them to a room in a nearby hotel, and then played games and ...... at homeWho knew that the next day, I received red envelopes from them separately.
4 There is a neighbor, the man is very honest, and the wife is a woman. One night when I came to visit the door, I happened to have a friend here, so the three of us got together to fight the landlord. At ten o'clock, his wife came over and said, "Husband, I miss the child." He was puzzled and said, "We don't have children." Half an hour later, the woman said she missed the child, and the man said that we don't have children. The woman was furious: I know that I don't have any children and I am still fighting the landlord here!
5Meet a pair of twin children and ask one of them:"What's your name?"
The child said:"My name is First. "
Then you must be my brother. "
The child said:"No, I'm a younger brother. "
You are a younger brother and your name is No. 1, so what is your brother's name?"
My brother's name is Juxtaposed!"The child said:
6. After giving birth, the mother's figure has not recovered, and one day she watched the previous ** with the child.
The child pointed to a photo and asked, "Mom, who is this beautiful sister?"”
Mom's face was proud: "It's your mother!."”
The child thought for a while and said, "Ah, it turns out that you are my stepmother!."”
7 Shell Lang and mosquito blind date, Shell Lang asked: "What is your occupation?".”
The mosquito replied, "*What about you?"”
Shell Lang smiled: "Fate, peers, I am a Chinese medicine and a pill." ”
8A: Why do fish in the deep sea look so ugly?
B: It's dark in the deep sea, and no one can see anyone, so everyone can grow up casually!
9 Someone raises a pig, annoys, abandons it, but the pig knows the way back, and the number of abandonments is useless. One day, he drove a lot of turns and abandoned the pig, and called his family late at night to ask, "Is the pig returned?"He replied, "Returned!"He roared: "Let it pick up **, Lao Tzu is lost!."
10 Me: "What kind of men do girls like?"She: "Yes." Me: "How does it feel?"Her: "The feeling of coming home after a long day at work, coming home exhausted, going into the room and taking off my coat." ”
Me: "....What does it feel like?”
Her: A feeling of being uninhibited!
11 In the past, people would write down their private affairs in their diaries, and if someone read them, they would get angry.
And now people write their private affairs on social **, and if no one reads it, they will get angry.
12 A clerk had not been at work for two days, and when he came to the company on the third day, the boss complained, "What have you been doing these two days?"The clerk replied, "I accidentally fell through the third-floor window onto the street." The boss angrily asked, "Does it take two days to fall from the third floor?"”
13How can I end being single?
The young man asked the Zen master, "How can I end being single?"The Zen master pointed to a mountain opposite, and the young man said thoughtfully, "Zen master means that there is another master on the opposite mountain who can answer me."The Zen master said, "I just didn't want anyone to become a Zen master back then." You're still asking me?There are still vacancies on the opposite hill, so you should become a Zen master as soon as possible. ”