After reading "The Outer History of Confucianism", Hu Shi once said: "Wu Jingzi focused his attention on the most striking characteristics of human character, and portrayed a relatively static picture of life in depth and detail. "The characters in this book cover a variety of attitudes to life, and it is difficult to capture their essence. However, one thing is certain: "fame and fortune" can never be separated from the thoughts in people's hearts. When we scold others for "the way of money", is there also self-questioning?When you integrate into the social circle as an adult and read "The Outer History of Confucianism" many times, you may be able to realize that whether friends have a good relationship often depends on "monetary interests".
Some friends are extremely generous in front of you and willing to lend a helping hand. In this case, it is easy to be impressed and secretly resolve to repay them in the future. However, if you think about it from another perspective, these generous friends may be thinking about how to get more in return. If it is just one or two charities, it may not be reciprocated, but purely out of compassion;But if you give again and again, and you want to, the situation is not so simple. There is a tacit understanding in social interactions: respond to requests. Reaching out to the other party when they are in trouble, and when they succeed, it is equivalent to climbing the tree of success and finding backing. Ma Chunshang in "The Outer History of Confucianism" has a deep friendship with Gongsun Lan, but his real motive is to take a fancy to Gongsun's studies and the prospect of "raising a career". Similarly, after he was optimistic about Kuang Chaoren's ability to enter middle and high school, he was more active in giving financial support and gave ten taels of silver. The "wise man, man lifts man" here is not a simple charity, but a social means of mutual support.
Seneca once said, "A man who is befriended because he is useful is befriended only when he is useful." "When a friend uses money as bait, his purpose is often hidden, and if you know about it, you will feel very uncomfortable inside. Ma Chunshang in "The Outer History of Confucianism" once met a self-proclaimed immortal Hong Hanxian, who received some black coal at his house and was told how to use black coal for barbecue, but the black coal turned into silver. But later it was discovered that Hong Hanxian just used him, wanting to defraud him of the 10,000 gold that he didn't use. This shows that there are many ** in society, and the biggest and most ruthless** often happens between friends and even "boyfriend and girlfriend" around you. Therefore, it is important to be cautious with those who give you money for no reason, and it is best to refuse it.
Disputes between friends are inevitable. But when benefits are obtained, many collaborations are terminated. Everyone is interested in their interests and wants more, so it is difficult to continue to socialize. Although it is human nature to be greedy for small advantages, if you take advantage of them too much, you will appear to have a bad character, and even a little money can lead to a breakdown of the relationship. Yang Zhizhong in "The History of Confucianism" failed many times, but he claimed to be a literati and recommended friends not to use. At a dinner party, Yang Zhizhong and Quan Beyong were rewarded, but it was later discovered that his son had used Quan's money to gamble, thus causing a rift. When Quan Beyong was taken away by the official, Yang Zhizhong also fanned the flames. This shows that the interests must be calculated clearly in the relationship, but if the calculation is too clear and too detailed, it will make people feel uncomfortable.
The ancient Greek materialist philosopher Democritus once said, "Many who appear to be friends are not actually friends, and many true friends do not appear to be friends." "In the face of various interpersonal relationships, we can't easily determine who is the real friend, just like in the circle of friends, although there are hundreds of "friends", most of them are strangers. Be vigilant when making friends and don't be easily bothered by money eyes. If you have to talk about money, you should talk about it directly, and you don't have to strain the relationship because of it. First of all, it is necessary to understand the nature of social interaction, and treat those who think of themselves as friends as ordinary people to cooperate and share benefits. If cooperation cannot be carried out, separate in time and do not entangle. At the same time, cherish those friends who do not want to reciprocate and be grateful for a lifetime. Secondly, we should follow the principle of socialization, cooperate pragmatically, borrow evidence, prevent conflicts, and do not be emotional. Finally, it is enough to narrow down the social scope and maintain friendships with 20 people who are in regular contact according to the 150 people rule. There will be different friends at different stages, and some will be lost, so let it be. Choosing the best friend is a lifetime of wisdom.