I am Juanjuan, born in the 90s, a native of Lishui, Zhejiang, an abandoned baby who was born redundant, a cowherd baby covered in mud, a working girl who has been drifting for 8 years, a code farmer who has successfully landed in Silicon Valley in the United States, an adopted daughter who married far away in the United States, and a daughter in charge of the family who shoulders the heavy responsibility of the family.
At 30 years old, for many of my peers, it has just begun, and I have already opened and closed and experienced several big jumps in life. Different families, different ideas, different countries, different cultures, what kind of little-known stories are behind this?
A former foreign teacher and now her husband).
In 1993, the hand of fate left me in Lishui, Zhejiang, a small village surrounded by mountains and with only a dozen households. For as long as I can remember, I've lived in an abandoned barn with my parents and my younger sister and brother.
Dad farmed for a living, and the family had a cow. I am lively and active by nature, and under the teaching of my mother, I have been diligent and discerning since I was a child. After entering elementary school at the age of 7, he was often the first in the class, and after school, he either pulled weeds and fed pigs or herded cattle, and he did not forget to hold a book to read when herding cattle.
Being smart, diligent, capable, and with excellent grades makes me the "kid next door" in other people's mouths, and I am often praised by the elders in the neighborhood.
However,Grandma's unintentional remark surprised me to find that I was not only a "child next door", but also a real "other person's child"!
When I learned about my background, I was stunned, and I cried and asked my mother, who tried her best to play a round, but the paper couldn't contain the fire after all. My family had to tell the truth that I was picked up by my grandmother from afar.
When I was a child, my mother hugged me and took a picture).
It turned out that I had an older sister above me, and after I was born, my biological parents had to give my sister away in order not to affect the birth of a son. Because my sister couldn't stop crying, they temporarily decided to send me, who had just been born for 7 days, to replace my sister.
My adoptive father was unable to marry a daughter-in-law because of the extreme poverty of the family, and then finally married my adoptive mother, but never had children, so I became their adopted daughter.
Ever since I learned about my background, I began to become preoccupied with my original naivety. Sadness, abandonment, parasitic fence, loneliness and pain, and other negative emotions are intertwined and cannot be extricated.
Pain was like a catalyst that made me make a stubborn and stubborn inner vow:I want to prove to my biological parents, to the whole world, that girls are no worse than boys.
Since then, I have consciously or unconsciously masculinized my personality, become a tiger, become brave, compare with boys in everything and everything, and make myself better.
A small mountain village of more than a dozen families and my family's house).
However, excellence is a double-edged sword for an adopted daughter, as it will highlight your special identity even more. What I can't accept is that my neighbors always talk about me when they educate their children.
"If you don't obey, you might as well adopt a child like Juanjuan!Look at you, the biological one is not as good as the kind of Juanjuan that people raise!”
Although these words are praise, they are heartfelt, reminding you all the time that you do not belong here, you are an outsider. I hate the consequences and hurt that patriarchy has done to me!
Fortunately, there are only the first and second grades in the village, and the third grade has to go to school in a far away townSince I was 9 years old, I have been living in school with vegetables and food on my back. I know the humility of my identity, good grades are the only capital that is liked, obedient and sensible will not be abandoned, I not only have excellent grades but also have always been a class cadre, three good students, all kinds of awards to get soft.
I grew up being "someone else's child").
Just as I was singing all the way on my "proof journey".One day I suddenly received a letter. The letter began with the title of "dear sister", which turned out to be sent by my own sister.
My sister was full of guilt in the letter, saying that it was supposed to be her who sent it, that I went out to suffer for her, that she wanted to save me, and asked for my forgiveness. My sister's letter touched my scars again, and resentment hit my heart like a vicious wave, and I tore it to shreds in anger.
My sister didn't get a reply from me, but as always, she wrote to talk about her views on patriarchy and introduce the situation at home. Intellectually, I know that my giving away was caused by my parents' patriarchal thinking, and it has nothing to do with my sister, but I am still emotionally resentful.
My sister's perseverance and sincerity finally passed my "sincerity test".I accepted my sister and gradually formed a bond with my brother, who was a year younger than me.
Daniel is my life textbook)
In the blink of an eye, I was admitted to the sub-key class of the county key high school and served as the class president. Although I had excellent grades in junior high school and was the first in my grade, I found that my advantage was no longer there when I came to high school.
There are so many masters in the class that no matter how hard you try, you can't achieve the desired results. As a class leader, I felt an indescribable sense of disparity, frustration, frustration, and self-doubt.
I didn't want to face the reality that I had nowhere to run, and I wanted to be comforted by my mother, but my mother was pregnant with her younger brother, hiding from family planning, and I didn't see her for almost a year.
Under the pressure of Xi study, I had no mental support, my emotions were extremely unstable, and I once fell into a state of severe depression.
Fortunately, there is also my sister, who has become my bosom sister and emotional trash can, and my inner tension and anxiety have been greatly relieved. Once I was relieved, I didn't forget to remind myself, remember the inner vow that proved myself, and grit my teeth and persevere.
Climb on a hike with friends).
In the 2012 college entrance examination season, I finally ushered in the moment when I could decide my own destiny. I knew in my heart that all the efforts I had put in before had only one goal: to get out of the mountains and out of the places that made me miserable.
My target schools were thousands of miles away, and I was finally admitted to Jilin University of Foreign Chinese for English major. It was the first time I had stepped out of the mountains, and the 37-hour train ride seemed to carry me through the past and the present, and I finally won a new world.
In addition to studying hard for Xi during college, I was able to study hardI work part-time to earn money during the winter and summer vacations, and actively participate in various clubs, especially the psychological club, which is the one I invest in the most and gain the most.
The most eye-opening thing for me was an American foreign teacher Daniel, who was a physics student who came to China as a foreign teacher on a gap year. He has volunteered in many countries, helping people in need and experiencing various cultures around the world, and he calls himself a "man of the world".
Daniel once formed a band for his dreams, but it didn't work out. He shared with us the experience of this failure in a humorous tone.
The first time I returned to China to visit relatives in Suzhou).
It turns out that people can still share their failures like thisIt turns out that people can still live like this?To me, Daniel is simply a textbook figure.
As I was graduating from university in 2015, my classmates were all over the world, and I was fascinated by the "Au Pair USA" program advertised by an agency.
The content of the project is to go to a middle-class family in the United States to take care of the children, the other party will give you food and lodging, give 200 US dollars of pocket money a week, and be responsible for your classes in the language school for 1-2 years.
Being able to go abroad, have an income, and be able to go to school is enough, and I can endure any hardship. This is a rare opportunity for me, and I want to seize itBut 1The sky-high registration fee of 20,000 yuan discouraged me again.
The strong desire made me decide to take the plunge and give it a try. As expected, the parents strongly disagreed. Rural people are very realistic, especially meThe identity of the adopted daughter is more sensitive, and it was not easy to spend money to raise you, and you left them to fly away?
Group photo with foreign teachers during college).
Explanations are pale, and promises are like fools' dreams. What to do?
I found my sister, who volunteered to borrow 8,000 yuan from her biological parents, and made up the rest by herself. The biggest obstacle was solved, I didn't ask my adoptive parents to pay a penny, I just asked them to sign the project book and fulfill me.
When you know you're going, the whole world will make way for you. My adoptive parents saw that I was ready and had made up their minds, and finally signed and agreed.
In October 2015, at the age of 22, I boarded a plane across the Pacific Ocean and landed in Minnesota, USA. If going to college is an infancy to break free from fate, then a trip to the United States is a rush out of the atmosphere of life.
I threw myself into working as an Au Pair with great enthusiasm and fantasies, but I was greeted with a great loss. On the one hand, the content of the work is not as good as the information advertised by the previous intermediary, and on the other hand, I am too idealistic about the work.
The Au Pair family has three 10-month-old triplets, and I take care of them and play with them.
Take a photo with your Au Pair friend).
For me, a girl with no experience with children at all, it was really hard to take care of three children at once and work 40+ hours a week!
Triple the workload, strange country, remote environment, isolated acquaintances and friends drive me crazy;Xi at community college was nowhere near my ideals.
The news spread back to China, and ridicule was everywhere: college students are ashamed to be nannies!It's useless to read in vain!
I endured ridiculeOnly I know that this job is just a transition, a springboard, and a stepping stone. I'll prove it to you!
In those two years, I was extremely lonely except for loneliness. I barely work during the day, and I am depressed and sad at night, and I wash my face with tears. I finally gritted my teeth and stayed up until the end of the two-year Au Pair program.
On New Year's Day 2017, my adoptive parents, who were far away in their hometown in Zhejiang, received a long letter in English from California, USA, signed "Daniel", who was my husband.
Photograph with Daniel's parents at the marriage registry office).
When I was an Au Pair, I asked Daniel, my foreign teacher at university, all kinds of questions and told me about my troubles in February 2016 because I was at a loss, and he always answered my questions warmly and patiently to help me establish the right concept.
Daniel is two and a half years older than me, his parents are both graduate students, his father is an engineer, and his mother is a senior teacher of special education. He has a good family education, a lasting and stable mood, extensive and selfless love, and a strong sense of responsibility.
Daniel's textbook has benefited me immensely, and we have become a couple from teacher and student. Daniel proposed to me on Christmas Day 2017 and we got married five days later in the presence of his parents.
In a long letter to my adoptive parents, Daniel said: "Because of the long distance, we cannot personally visit the door to obtain the consent and blessing of the old man for our marriage. But he will go to China as soon as possible to hold a wedding according to Chinese customs and culture, including a bride price. He thanked his parents for raising such a wonderful daughter, and he promised to take responsibility for my happiness and safety throughout my life.
Daniel's younger brother got married and the whole family took a group photo).
Daniel said that he had been to China and knew that the Chinese tradition is to ask the man to pay a certain fee when marrying a daughter. Although this is not a Western tradition, it is impossible for him to avoid Chinese culture by using it.
He promised to pay in installments as much as I could, until the traditional amount was reached. He is also willing to share the responsibilities of the family.
There is no bride price Xi in the United States, and my parents-in-law gave us 3,000 dollars as a gift, but I have a "bride price complex" in my heart. I did not succumb to patriarchal etiquette, but I knew deep down that it was not easy for my parents to raise me.
Although they are destitute, they still believe that reading is the only way for the poor to turn over. My tuition fees will always be scraped together by them, and I am touched by that effort, and they should be rewarded for their efforts.
Daniel was very supportive and respectful of my willingness to "ask for a bride price". In order to make up the bride price as soon as possible, we worked overtime to earn money, and moved back to his parents' house for half a year. It was not easy for Daniel. Because he moved out on his own after he was 18 years old, living with his parents would make people feel like a failure.
Wedding photos taken in Cancun, Mexico).
In 2019, Daniel and I returned to China to visit our parents, met with our parents, and presented a bride price of 100,000 yuan to thank them. My mother said happily, "I asked someone to tell you your fortune, and said that you will come to work when you get married!"”
Although I am not superstitious, I am willing to ask my mother for good words. Because of my husband's blessing, I am more confident that I will be twice as good, and I am more able to benefit the family that raised me, and let my own sister and younger brother who have been worried about me rest assured.
It has been said that there are three turning points in one's life: the family at birth, the spouse and the awakened self. I was unlucky enough to miss the first one, but was lucky enough to catch the last two.
Due to my Tiankeng major, I have not been able to find my ideal job since I arrived in the United States, and I have worked 6 jobs in 8 years: restaurant worker, housekeeper, newspaper agency, nursery, and sales, all of which can support myself but none of them are what I want.
There is no wedding, but there are beautiful wedding photos).
In order to go abroad to realize my dream, I have paid a huge price, I can't afford to bear the bad consequences, and I can't afford to lose because I don't have capital. My frustration quotient is low, but Daniel says you can do your best to pursue what you want.
In my life, everything I get is conditional and stressful, but his love for me is not conditional, he really gives me a home, he wants me to just do what I want, everything is for me.
At the end of August 2021, I started to try to convert text to code and punch in the Long March. As the saying goes, interlacing is like separating mountains, everything is difficult at the beginning, even the most basic input is shown to be wrong at the beginning, and each step requires energy to study carefully.
On-the-job transcoding is really inadequate, and after the basic knowledge is conquered, I am more and more confident when I enter the classification brushing questions.
With the spirit of ants gnawing bones, I finally received an official offer on May 5, 2022, and the position was SDET. At this point, zero-based transcoding players have come ashore!
Our text transcoding has successfully landed in Silicon Valley, USA).
My career change was successful, and my husband contributed a lot to it. Although my husband can support me, that's not a reason for me to lie flat.
I firmly believe that no matter what kind of husband and wife, no matter how they start, in the end, only when a woman is financially compatible with her husband, has an independent personality, and has the same value orientation, will such a marriage be lasting and stable, and can make the marriage continue to be the icing on the cake.
In the blink of an eye, I have been transcoding for more than a year, and I have a lot of feelings, fulfillment, growth, nervousness, self-doubt, etc. Successfully landed a large company in Silicon Valley, tripled the salary of the previous job, achieved 6 figures, and has great potential for the future.
Meipiao has been going all the way for 8 years, I am really tired, really poor, and really wronged, but I am very satisfied with the result, and I have everything I should have from scratch. But my family couldn't put me at ease.
Daniel and I took a picture with the adoptive parents' family).
My adoptive father is 64 years old, my adoptive mother has suffered for half her life, my younger brother is only 12 years old, my sister is 22 years old, and her intelligence is lower than that of ordinary people, so I insisted that she read itMajor in Early Childhood Education。Originally, she was going to use the Au Pair program to come to the United States, but she couldn't help it.
Although I often give her pocket money, it doesn't solve the fundamental problem. I wanted to help her find an agency that could provide relatively simple jobs for people in this situation so that they could support themselves. That's the one thing I want to do the most at the moment.
Once, the troubled fate and hard life made me put on armor and turn into a man, but now I know that I can be as gentle as I can. I have escaped the cycle of patriarchy, I will no longer be a "brother demon", but I am willing to do the best of all my relatives.
At present, my own sister has already left the small village, got married and had children, and her life is smooth. My dear brother is even better, graduated from college and became an officer.
Create your own life from scratch with your husband).
My brother is going to get married in October. My brother's bride and my sister-in-law call me "senior sister" because I am her matchmaker - she is a senior sister of my university psychological association.
As you may have noticed, almost all of the members of my parenting and biological families have been introduced, but there are still two people missing.
Yes,Although occasionally I wonder, do my biological parents regret it?But I've come to understand that I don't pay for someone else's mistakes, and now I don't need to prove it to anyone.
In 30 years of life, love, hate, affection, and resentment are indescribable. Each has its own sufferings, each has its own difficulties. I don't embarrass others or myself, I want to wait patiently for myself until I can accept everything with peace of mind.
After all the ups and downs, reborn, the world is worth it, I am worth it!