Someone on the Internet once summed up:
The biggest killer of parent-child relationships, accompanying children to do homework must be at the top of the list.
As the child's grade rises, parents accompany their children to do homework, which is simply a "car accident scene". The child not only did not appreciate it, but also complained that the parents deliberately "found fault".
There was a hot topic on Weibo: Should I accompany my child to do homework?
One view is that children are less self-conscious and need parental supervision in order to complete their homework well.
Another point of view is that homework is a child's business, and parents accompany their children to write homework for a long time, which will make children dependent and not conducive to cultivating children's self-discipline.
Accompanying children to do their homework drove "crazy" batches of parents.
A senior teacher noted:There is a pattern in accompanying children to do their homework. More accompaniment in elementary school, less accompaniment in middle school, and no accompaniment in high school!
If there is a problem with the way parents "accompany", it will lead to a series of chain reactions, exacerbate the conflict between parents and children, and also affect the efficiency of children's learning Xi.
The following 3 wrong ways to accompany their children to do homework are still used by 90% of parents.
Mistake 1: Lack of patience and emotional instability
Some parents have unrealistically high expectations for their children, believing that their children should do it right and teach them right as soon as they are taught
Once the child behaves absent-mindedly in the process of writing homework, the parents start to urge and even yell.
But a simple and crude way will only make the homework less effective.
Ned, an educator, once did such a test:
On the first day, after the assignment, he just quietly stayed next to the students;
The next day, he gave the same students the same assignment again, but created a tense and anxious atmosphere.
The results of the experiment showed:Students achieve the highest grades without distractions.
When children's attention is focused on their parents' excited emotions, they are worried about being reprimanded at any time, and they are under great psychological pressure, making it difficult to concentrate on homework, and their efficiency is naturally greatly reduced.
Behind this, there is a certain basis for brain science.
Normally, our brain is the leading center of the prefrontal cortex (rational brain), and all departments of the brain function normally.
The prefrontal cortex, which is primarily responsible for higher functions such as decision-making, planning, abstract thinking, reasoning, and strategy. It suppresses thoughts, impulses, and behaviors in our brains, leaving room for rational thinking. Another major function is to control our attention, concentration, and memory.
Once the brain is in a state of stress and nervousness, the controlling position of the prefrontal cortex is weakened & overturned, as shown in the figure below (right). At this time, the rational brain will go down, and the child's brain will go blank.
At this point, the amygdala (emotional department) takes over leadership. When the amygdala is in charge, it will inhibit the prefrontal cortex and gain control of the brain, and the brain will be occupied by fear, and the six gods will have no master, this phenomenon is called "amygdala hijacking".
When a person has an amygdala hijacking reaction, they are unable to concentrate on completing Xi tasks, the brain only thinks about the things that bother them, and the memory becomes confused.
In primary school, the most important purpose of parents accompanying their children to write homework is to help children develop good learning habits and cultivate their children'XiXi s ability to complete homework and self-management independently.
The process of parental accompaniment, if it hits the child's enthusiasm and internal drive to learn and Xi, will put the cart before the horse.
Mistake 2: Over-intervene and stare like an overseer
In families that accompany their children to do their homework, there is often a dedicated parent.
They are like overseers, and they stay by the child's side from the moment he takes out the workbook. Supervise your child's every move until your child finishes his homework.
In the process of writing homework, if there is a little problem, he hurriedly points it out:
You can't sit in this position, your back is straight;
That's how this math problem works, isn't your mind spinning?
The stroke of this word is not written correctly, so write it again.
Some parents feel that this way of "accompaniment" can remind their children in time and correct their mistakes.
The most taboo point of accompanying reading:It is to stare at the child motionlessly, pointing fingers at the side, the child writes a little wrong, the parents correct a little, and the child's self-confidence in writing homework is shattered.
Primary school is a critical period for children to develop Xi.
Parents should understand that in primary school, children have poor self-discipline, and the parents' accompaniment is to let children develop the Xi habit of independent learning Xi, and parents need to recognize the sense of boundaries in the middle.
Solution: Determine the boundaries of companionship
Parents should determine the boundaries of companionship, so as not to disturb the child casually and not interrupt the rhythm of the child's homework.
Be a "parallel companion" for your child. For example, when children are doing homework, parents can quietly do things related to reading and learning Xi next to them, and cannot play with mobile phones.
If the child is found to be distracted and has constant small movements, parents should correct it in time. However, in the process of correcting the child, do not scold, need to be patiently guided, find out where the child has improved, encourage and praise in time, and help the child strengthen the good points.
With the attentive companionship of parents, children have a sense of security in their hearts, so they are more willing to focus on homework, and their efficiency will be improved a lot.
Mistake 3: Rush to help your child solve homework problems
Many parents have such a Xi, when their children write homework, before they open their mouths to ask for help, parents take the initiative to "be courteous" and begin to actively answer questions for their children.
Some parents even write homework for their children, instead of "writing" and "thinking" for their children.
In this way, children will not be dependent on the mentality, lazy to use their brains, and want to ask for help when they encounter problems, and in the long run, children's learning and Xi ability and thinking ability will also be affected.
Solution: Separation of subjects to help children develop independent thinking
Writing homework is a matter for the children themselves. It is important to help children develop this awareness from an early age.
Parents accompany their children in order to guide their children to be conscious and let them learn to think.
When children encounter problems that they can't do, parents need to prioritize how to teach their children to know how to solve problems and learn to draw inferences.
Give the initiative back to the child, and parents can help in the following two situations.
1) Before the child asks for help, he has tried to solve the problem on his own, but he still can't figure out how to do it, and he really needs help.
2) The child has completed his homework and hopes that the parents will help him check whether it is right or wrong. (It's best to let your child get into the Xi of checking their homework and finding problems on their own.) ）