In the middle of the month, my son clamored to go back to his grandmother's house for summer vacation, and my husband took us back to his hometown.
We went to my grandmother's house first and had dinner together in the evening. The mother-in-law asked the aunt to come over and eat dumplings.
The aunt originally promised to come over for dinner, but she called ** again and said: No, my two daughters don't want to go to dinner, and I don't trust them at home when I go myself, so we won't go. Let's go.
After hanging up the **, the mother-in-law said: Look, she has been here since she was a child, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mother beat her, and she wouldn't leave. Now she can't even come five times a year. It's so close!
The father-in-law also chimed in: Grandma is also a white relative, and the grandson is a dog. When he's full, he's gone!
The husband said to the son next to him: If you go to grandma's house to play now, will you stop liking it when you grow up?
I don't know if the children will like to go to grandma's house in the future. Anyway, many children nowadays are like this: when they were young, they stayed at their grandmother's house, and when they grew up, they became more and more reluctant to go to their grandmother's house.
There are three main reasons why children are reluctant to go to grandma's house:
01) Start having your own social circle.
Sometimes you will find that your child seems to grow up in an instant. He used to want to stick to you every day, but suddenly one day he said to you: Mom, I can do it myself!
When I came home this summer, my son suddenly stopped sleeping with me. Take a lunch break with my sister at noon and sleep with my grandmother at night. Suddenly, he didn't need me anymore. You know, after a while I'm gone, and I'll have to ask several times.
When children grow up, they have their own circle, especially the children now. Almost everyone has a mobile phone. Even if they don't play with their classmates, they can still chat with them through their phones.
Especially in middle school, when they enter puberty, they always feel that they are adults and always want to prove to their parents that they are not afraid of anything.
Children at this stage are reluctant to get along with adults and are reluctant to talk to adults. They let the children follow their mothers back to their grandmother's house. Relatives will always ask questions, and the child is reluctant to communicate, so he is reluctant to go.
02) Feel like an outsider.
Some people say that women are the disadvantaged group in this society, especially married daughters. They always feel that they can't fit in with their in-laws. Even if you get in, it's still a foreign surname. When they get married, they feel like outsiders when they return to their parents' house.
This is the case with a mother in the community. Her husband is a foreigner. He got a visa to return to China in the middle of last year, leaving her and her mother there.
During the Chinese New Year, we all thought that Bao's mother would seize this opportunity to go back to her parents' house for the New Year and celebrate the New Year with the children. Unexpectedly, Bao's mother and son celebrated the New Year in the community.
Later, during the chat, I learned that my brother's sister-in-law had a stronger personality. She didn't socialize much with her family, and the children would fight when they got together, so she simply didn't go back.
This is very common, especially if there are brothers, sisters-in-law, or younger siblings in the family. If there is a conflict when playing with the child, the child will always feel like an outsider.
A mother once said that when she took her daughter to her grandmother's house, her daughter's clothes were dirty when she was painting, so her grandmother took out her sister's clothes and put them on. My sister got angry after school: Who let you wear my clothes?This is my home, my clothes, who told you to move around.
Although it was an unintentional move, her daughter was so frightened that she cried and rarely went to her grandmother's house.
The same goes for a classmate with two children. Once, the eldest sister took the children back to her parents' house to play. The classmates gave the children pocket money to buy candy and chocolates, and spent a total of more than 20 yuan. The classmate's daughter was angry: I spent so much money on a candy, why did I spend so much money on her?
Although her classmates repeatedly criticized her daughter, her aunt still felt uncomfortable. Before leaving, she gave the money to the child's grandmother and asked her to transfer the money to her classmates.
The classmate said: What a shame. The child was disobedient, as if I had taught it, and the eldest sister felt uncomfortable.
So, if you bring your children back to your parents' house, if your parents have brothers at home, it is inevitable that the children will have conflicts together. What's more, today's children are very favored at home and don't want to be wronged. When the children grow up, they don't want to go back to their grandmother's house.
03) Not used to it.
When children enter primary school, they actually spend most of their time in their own homes. Even though they are close to their grandmother's house, they rarely go to their grandmother's house when they are in school.
Because of the tight school schedule, you have to get up early in the morning to go to school, do your homework in the evening, and maybe attend various tutoring classes on the weekends. So I usually go to my grandmother's house during short vacations or winter and summer vacations.
So as children get older, they actually become familiar with what it feels like to be at home. Children are familiar with every part of the house. When going to grandma's house, the work and eating habits may be different, so the older the child gets, the less accustomed he is.
Actually, it has nothing to do with whether you have a conscience or not. After all, children will leave their parents when they grow up, let alone relatives.
If children don't express it, they may not have forgotten it in their hearts. Family affection is always family affection, and getting together often does not mean that it is very close.
Just like Lung Yingtai wrote in "Farewell": The first time I sent my son to kindergarten, he would hold my hand tightly and cry and refuse to let go. Later, my son grew up and went to the United States as an exchange student. When I arrived at the airport, I waved goodbye and kept hoping that my son would look back, but he never looked back.
So, Long Yingtai said: I gradually understand that the so-called father-daughter, mother-son relationship just means that you and him are destined to watch his back gradually fade away in this life. You stand at this end of the path and watch him fade around the corner. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him.