After giving birth, should you give up your job and take care of your own children, or continue to work and let the elderly take care of your children?
It's a multiple-choice question that every working woman does. In recent years, many mothers will choose to stay in the workplace and ask the elderly to help take care of their children. If possible, they will choose to find a babysitter to help take care of the children.
The most "crazy" person I've ever met is a former colleague who can't take care of a child. Even if she gives her salary to the nanny, she still chooses to work hard.
I watched the news a few days ago and found that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is now popular: suddenly the daughter-in-law no longer asks her mother-in-law to help take care of the baby, but chooses to take care of the baby by herself.
For this choice, the explanation given by mothers is: raising their children by themselves is to survive these three years, and after three years, it will be easy for children to go to kindergarten.
Regardless of whether the mother-in-law takes care of the baby or not, she will not serve her mother-in-law in the future. Three years of raising a child is nothing compared to serving your mother-in-law for at least ten years. Moreover, raising the baby by yourself will make the child feel more secure in the future, and the child will be closer to you. , not to mention the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law because of different parenting concepts.
However, this method is not so "friendly" for the mother-in-law. Even if the daughter-in-law no longer takes care of her in her old age, the mother-in-law has nothing to say. After all, when the daughter-in-law needs her mother-in-law, the mother-in-law is not around.
Especially those mothers-in-law who want to help with the children but are disliked by their daughters-in-law, it is even worse: it is not that they do not contribute, but that they do not be liked, they have to contribute. Suffering in old age.
In the era of the supremacy of interests, family affection has become more and more insipid.
In fact, this phenomenon is not unique. A few years ago, Papi-chan starred in the variety show "Please Refrigerator", revealing how to get along with her mother-in-law.
Papi-chan said: We have been going back to our respective homes and looking for our mothers. I think when I came home for the Chinese New Year, my mother-in-law wanted to see her son more, and my mother wanted to see me even more, so we didn't bother each other all the time. 。
If you think about it, it makes sense. The biggest reason why the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always existed is that because of their different living habits, they often live together. If they live separately, conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be avoided.
Nowadays, many young people are busy with work and need the help of the elderly to take care of their children. Once the elderly come to take care of their children, there will be conflicts not only in their living habits, but also in their parenting concepts. As a result, many mothers now prefer to quit their jobs and return to their families to take care of their children. I also don't want to ask the elderly to help take care of the baby.
The elderly are not obliged to take care of their children.
Older people are not obliged to help younger people take care of their children. The old man helped only out of affection.
He Jiong once said on the show: It is not the obligation of the mother-in-law to like the daughter-in-law, but the ability of the daughter-in-law.
It is not the duty of the elderly to take care of their children. Parents are the primary guardians of their children. It is the duty and responsibility of parents to raise their children. Elderly people helping to take care of children is a sign of love.
Many young mothers will say: you don't care about my childhood, I won't support you in your old age!
But remember that children are not made for the elderly. Although our country has a surname culture, we must know that a large part of the reason why we have children is to provide for the elderly. Our children are not born for our husbands, let alone for our mothers-in-law. Target.
The reason why women choose to have children is because we want to be mothers and experience the greatness of motherhood, not for a certain surname, let alone to give birth to in-laws.
If we look at the problem from a different angle, many things will be different, so we will see that some mothers are happy with their children every day, enjoy every moment with their children, and don't want to miss every moment of their children's growth. 。
There are mothers who are always full of resentment when raising their children: this is your child, without our last name. Your mother doesn't care about raising children, and I won't support your mother in the future.
If you complain too much, there will be more negative energy in your life. You will always feel that your life is left with nothing and that your life is not as good as it should be.
The same is true for raising children, but the mentality is different, and the results will be different.
Mo Yan wrote in "Mother": In that era, the mother was the person who starved the most and worked the most in the family. I thought my mom would cry at work.
Later, I saw my mother humming a little tune while working. Later, people could not bear the hunger, and many people in the same village committed suicide.
Mo Yan was afraid that his mother would go down this path, so he often secretly went home during school hours to see if anything had happened to his mother.
Mother seemed to see Mo Yan's thoughts, so she said to Mo Yan: Don't worry, unless God accepts me, I will never take the initiative to go.
It was his mother's optimism and open-mindedness that illuminated Mo Yan's life path. Whenever Mo Yan encountered twists and turns in his life, Mo Yan would think of his mother's strong optimism and grit his teeth and persevere.
Life is a practice.
For women, getting married and having children is the most important experience in life, especially the latter.
Mothers who have experienced the first three years of raising a baby will feel "tormented" when they recall that time.
For the lucky mother, the mother-in-law will take the initiative to take care of the baby and take into account the mother's emotions.
Some mothers have to raise their children on their own. The most important thing in raising a baby alone is to adjust your mentality.
There are neighbors who take care of their babies after confinement. It's not that the mother-in-law is unwilling to help, but the neighbors always dislike the mother-in-law for not doing well, and they keep arguing with the mother-in-law during the confinement.
Once I was talking to my mom, and she said, "It's okay anyway." Since my mother-in-law can't take children, then I won't take children in the future. I don't care if my father takes care of her. I'm not going to bother with her anyway. 。
That's what a lot of moms think these days. They always feel that their mother-in-law owes them by not taking care of the children. In fact, this is not the case. Everyone decides what their life will be like through their own efforts.
Life may be difficult for a while, but it will never be difficult forever. Even if there is no one to help take care of the children, it is not a big deal. The child is ours. It's all about living your own life.