British psychologist John Bobby's "attachment theory" argues:Children with secure attachment relationships are cared for and respected by their parents as children, and grow up in a safe and harmonious environment.
However, many children are forced to be separated from their parents at an early age, either raised by their grandparents, or by a business trip or by their children's side for other reasons, which can lead them to experience the great anxiety, helplessness and fear that comes with being separated from their parents, which is known as "separation trauma".
Separation trauma can cause great anxiety and fear, and there are two reasons for this.
First, the level of care given to the child by the caregiver at a younger age and in the absence of both parents.
The younger the child, the more dependent on the mother becomes, so the mother cannot think that her child is too young and has no memory of anything, so she can not be with the child.
If the child is young, the parents are divorced, and the child is raised by the grandparents, but is not liked, or is not well cared for, which will cause greater psychological trauma, for example, the children who went to boarding school in the first year of junior high school will often call their mothers and say that they want to go home, miss their mothers, etc., they are very sensitive to separation, which is likely to be related to their childhood separation experience.
Second, the accumulation of injuries
The child has suffered a prolonged or repeated persistent injury over a long period of time.
Many parents will give their children what they think is the best, but this is not love, nor is it the real need of the child, but a tragedy orchestrated by the parents themselves.
There is a kind of indulgence, that is, parents are afraid of losing control, so they will do anything, so that children can not grow and have a sense of accomplishment in their own exploration.
When the mother's sense of self-worth is low, she will project all the unsatisfactory onto the child, thinking that it is the child's fault, so as to make all the decisions for the child.
However, children have their own requirements, and when the child does not appreciate it, the mother will accumulate a stomach full of resentment, and can't help complaining: "You heartless, you don't know how to understand your mother at all." ”
This can confuse the child's sense of self. What's more, the mother can't suppress a smile on the corner of her mouth when her child has a nervous breakdown or even self-harm. This is how children with so-called "borderline personality disorder" are formed.
In such a family, the parents seem to be calm and patient on the surface, but the children are furious at every turn. It is said that parents are too indulgent to their children, which is why they have become what they are now, and everyone is blaming their children.
The above description is only some of the trauma that some children may suffer in family relationships, I hope parents can pay more attention to their words and deeds in the process of educating their children, the formation of injuries can be given at one time, or it may be accumulated over time, but the psychological trauma accumulated for a long time will take more time to deal with!