Hello!
I've been following you for a long time, and your writing is a kind of spiritual healing for me, so I'll tell you my story and hear your opinion.
Are there any of the girls in your tree hole who have had an extramarital affair for 18 years?This is what happened to me.
The stories of extramarital affairs between men and women are similar, so I will not describe them in detail, but briefly describe them. It's not completely broken at the moment, but it's already at the level of spiritual sustenance, but I'm still in pain and entangled, and it's hard to let go.
When I met A, I was 20, he was 19, I was his first love, he had pursued passionately, but I had no feelings for him, I couldn't talk about love or liking. Both parents know each other, and my family does not agree, and his family's economic conditions are very bad.
I broke up with A and he was very sad.
Later, I met Mr., who met all the conditions for talking about marriage, and his character was okay, but I still didn't find the heartbeat of love, and I married him just for the sake of getting married.
After two years, A also got married.
My husband and I have a bit of a big difference in three views, and his character is good, but my life is depressed and depressed. In order to get rid of my sorrows, I got in touch with A again, but I didn't really love much, just because it was really lonely.
An oversight, and my husband found out about me and A.
I chose to leave the house, maybe we were worried about our children, and we didn't get separated, but the marriage relationship has deteriorated, and there is basically no communication, and we just raise a baby together.
This trouble, A shrank back, and didn't dare to associate with me, and I also died and was very disappointed, A was not my beloved.
After a few more years, the child has already entered elementary school, and my husband and I really can't maintain our marriage, so we still leave, and the child belongs to the man.
A and I live in the same city, very close to each other, but after the last breakup, we have never been in touch, and we deliberately keep our distance from each other and respect each other's lives. Unexpectedly, two months after the divorce, we met again at a class reunion.
A knew the news of my divorce, and ignited his enthusiasm again, and directly said that he wanted me to be with him. A sense of morality + a strong sense of embarrassment made me stop.
In order to escape, I went on blind dates and tried to date other men, but I never met the right one.
A is very persistent and pursues me again. At this time, he is more mature than before, the company is doing well, smart and capable, and he is very good at taking care of women's emotions.
I knew he wasn't my home, I didn't rely on him at first, but as time went on, I actually found a feeling of love from him.
Later, there were accidents in the family one after another, my father fell ill, my younger brother died in a car accident, and the bad news followed, I was helpless and painful, and there was no one around me to share it. When a heard the news, he rushed here.
When I saw him, my whole body collapsed, and I hugged him and cried bitterly......
In this way, he began an extramarital affair that lasted for more than ten years, watching each other, struggling painfully, and having fun in suffering, during which I gave birth to a daughter for him.
He didn't ask A for marriage because he didn't want to hurt another woman, but the paper couldn't hold the fire, and by chance, his wife found out about our call and began to suspect that his big rear was no longer at peace.
After 3 years, A finally got divorced - for my sake, he left the house. At that time, he was worth hundreds of millions, and I also had tens of millions of assets, so I didn't care if he had money or not, what I cared about was whether they could be together openly.
But before we could enjoy the world of two people properly, his ex-wife kept beating me, insulting and crying, saying that I robbed her man and she couldn't live.
As a woman, I know the helplessness and weakness of a woman after being abandoned, and I can't bear to let her hurt because of me. I ruthlessly refused a again and persuaded him to go home, and I said, I'm sorry, we don't have a future, I can't marry you.
Three months later, when he turned back, he and his ex-wife remarried.
Because of the bond of having children, A nominally remarried, but she didn't really leave me, and most of the time it was still with me. But everything is different from the past, and I obviously feel that the weight of my wife in his heart has become heavier and heavier.
Once he was drunk and actually called his wife ** in front of me, saying that he wanted to go home. I couldn't laugh or cry, and I completely understood that he didn't belong to me, and he was going back after all.
Sometimes it's ridiculous to think about it, in the past, I was a person with a strong sense of morality, but now I have an extramarital affair with someone and gave birth to an illegitimate daughter, how can I be worthy of my family?
I'm a very gentle person in life, but I can't stand such emotional torture, especially when his wife abuses me in **, I will collapse, find a big fight, scold him like a shrew, and scold him to go back!
I don't understand, since A can't do without the original match, why did he provoke me again?If he doesn't love me, why should he let me bear him a baby?
A year ago, when I yelled at him again to get out, A'packed up his things and walked away......
Since then, A has started to contact less, and told me that not contacting does not mean that there is no me in his heart, and that I am the woman he cares about all his life.
As time passed, he became more and more hot and cold, until he no longer took the initiative to send any messages......
The daughter thinks about her father every day, and A once wanted to take her daughter over and raise her, and recognize his wife as an aunt. I was angry, hysterical, and forcefully kept my daughter away from him, even so that he would never see her for the rest of his life!
A is more ruthless than his wife, who only verbally abused me, but he used his actions to make me bruised!
From the first time I was emotional, to now, A and I have been entangled intermittently for 18 years, this is the 18 years that I have been controlled by the devil: he seems to be getting more and more comfortable, and he is still living a wonderful life in the cracks;I was stuck in place, a prisoner of feelings, suffocated by the hollowness of a huge failure.
This year, I have been living with half my life, and I once had a whole week, and I opened my eyes until dawn.
I have thought about finding a man to marry, at least give my daughter a home, and a father, and the identity of the child can be above board.
But I can't!I'm too tired, it's too painful, I don't have the courage to remarry, and I don't have the strength to accept other men!
I don't know what to do next, how to get along with A - I still love him, and I am unwilling.
Sister Buyi, I hope to get your help!Attached is the chat history with A in recent days, looking forward to reply!
Love your fans of the waters of the north.
Day. 02 Sister who loves you.
Northern Shui'er: Hello!
You are not old, but the traumatic pains left to you in the past 18 years will affect you for many years like aftershocks, and this is the most worrying thing.
Heaven is very interesting, cats like to eat fish, but cats can't go into the water, fish like to eat earthworms, but fish can't go ashore, you turn from cold to hot to him, but he is already a besieged person.
But I can only be helpless, how to resist, life, is to have, to lose, to choose, to give up, nothing goes well, how can everything go well.
The relationship outside of marriage is a rapids and rapids, and the woman who has loved it grabs a lot of it, but there are very few women who can really afford to play and bite this kind of thing like a cow with good teeth.
I want to ask you, I wasn't a person all the way, why would I be excited later?
When?Wind moving?Flags?
It's a fantasy of love!
Women always believe in the existence of love, and fantasize that love will inevitably come to them one day. You may not be in love with him, but in love with love itself, and your heart is too eager for the feeling of being pampered, cared for, held in the palm of your hand, and valued.
You call this in the name of love.
A, a long-lasting extramarital affair, the woman has always been at the point of origin.
Speaking of more than ten years, it has gone through a lot of ups and downs, physical and mental exhaustion, and tearful birth ......All kinds of things are you paying, his life has not been affected too much, divorced, but also remarried, everything is as yesterday, only women are unwilling.
This kind of law is seen in almost every fan who comes to confide:
Women will only get deeper and deeper into the drama in extramarital affairs, and they can't extricate themselves, while men are getting shallower and shallower, and the curtain is gradually ending.
A woman's heart stays at the beginning, when they first meet, when he is good to himself, he thinks that the ship will stay in place forever.
Trapped in memories, it is always a woman who refuses to come out.
And the man has actually driven the boat home, and he has already returned to shore, and for many years to come, it has just become a man's appropriate amount of perfunctory, occasional wild food, whether you want to or not, he has gone crazy for you once (divorced), and he will never go crazy again in the future.
Surprisingly calm and reserved to enjoy your warm love, this is his attitude towards you in the second half of his life.
Women are lonely, sometimes not necessarily a good thing, and will let themselves go to the edge of the cliff. Sometimes, women really fall into the hands of the same man over and over again.
b, if the other party is okay if he cheats, is it easy to turn positive?
He has assets of hundreds of millions, you are worth tens of millions, you don't have any financial burden, on the surface, you have the material conditions for cheating, just follow your feelings.
Not really. In real life, the more successful a man is, the more he has, the more he is involved, and it is not easy to let go or tear it off.
Before I got you, you were like the project that had not been signed for many years, glittering, tempting saliva, for him, no matter how much it costs, you have to win it!
But when you miss the opportunity to sign a contract, and you give everything you have, and you are willing to commit yourself to him from the inside out, he feels that this is just the case, and he doesn't want to continue to spend a bigger price: he doesn't want you to become a regular, including having a daughter for him, and he won't give you a home.
In his eyes: If you have it, why bother to turn positive, and make yourself restless, isn't it fragrant for one master and two servants?
As for the children, it doesn't matter if you don't need child support, why tie yourself to your chariot for the name of a father?
It can be said that all the anxiety and anger in your body are mistreated.
c, the extramarital affair has Waterloo, and it is necessary for women to take stock of the remaining chips in their hands.
When an extramarital affair goes through the excitement, the mud, and finally faces collapse, it is necessary for the woman to take stock of what she has left.
For example, marital status. If you haven't divorced, consider whether there is a need for marriage to return. If you are divorced, consider how to live gracefully when you return to being single.
Especially when you have children, your personality can't be completely for yourself!Being responsible for your children is the premise, and at the same time slowly waiting for a new fate.
As for the material conditions, if you don't have it, then no matter what way you use, you must let that man pay, which is the basic personal protection for you and your children. If you have, depending on your mood, the man who really loves you will not be stingy with the breakup fee.
If you and your lover have children in common, then this alimony is very necessary, after all, it can give the children a better life and education.
The love is deep and shallow, so it is better to get together and disperse. The relationship that has come to an end, and being reborn is dying again.
Life is a series of choices. When choosing, you should see how many chips you have in your hand and whether you can still bet. Women take love as their heaven, but when you are no longer a single woman and you are a mother, don't let the so-called love affect maternal love. You can condone sex, even sexually lasting, but sex should not be allowed to have a result, having children, children are innocent. Now that you have it, pack up your mood and look forward!
Lin Yutang said, if you look farther, you won't be sad.
Wish: Forget the past, enrich yourself, and set off forward. 