Seeing **, the little boy wanted to watch TV, asked his father to turn on the TV, and the father didn't turn it on for the child, and then the boy began to sit on the ground and cry hysterically.
The mother sat on the sofa next to the child, but the mother did not say anything and let the child cry.
After a few minutes, the child's crying was quiet, and the mother finally spoke: "Tell me how much you have been wronged, and you want to make such a fuss?"”
The boy said aggrievedly: "Because Dad won't turn on the TV for me." ”
Mom then asked, "Do you have a good attitude to let Dad open it for you?"You see you just lost your temper, is the TV on?”
The boy shook his head and said, "No." ”
Mom asked again, "Then what's the point of your tantrums?"When you have a problem and need help from others, can you put it into words?”
The boy seemed to have listened to what his mother was saying, and kept looking at his mother as she spoke.
Mom then said: "What should I do at the first time when I encounter a problem, is it to clearly express your thoughts, say Dad, I am in a hurry, can you help me open it quickly?".This is the attitude of asking for help. ”
I watched this mother deal with the child's tantrum and crying, I really praised the mother, she lost her temper in the face of the child's crying, did not get angry, did not stop the child from crying, and patiently and calmly gave the child a few minutes of crying time, and waited for the child's mood to stabilize a little before speaking, and every dialogue of her is a textbook teaching baby, which is worth learning.
In life, many of our parents are difficult to deal with patiently and emotionally stable when facing their children's crying and tantrums and other bad emotions.
However, this seemingly simple, crude and useful method is actually detrimental to children's growth.
Because children's emotional regulation is constantly developing with age, at first, children just use some means to express their emotions at will, such as shouting when they are happy, dropping things when they are dissatisfied, etc., but as they grow older and develop behavioral Xi, children gradually learn to self-regulate under the guidance of adults, and even imitate the behavior of adults to actively regulate their emotions.
This requires us parents to maintain a stable mood in the process of raising their children and give their children a good example and environment.
1. Allow your child to have emotions
Happiness, sadness, anger, grievance, fear, disgust, etc., are all normal human emotions. For younger children, most of the time they can't stop their emotions quickly because their brains are not yet fully functioning. Therefore, parents should allow their children to have emotions and let them vent their emotions, which is more conducive to their children's growth.
Second, being able to have emotions does not mean that you can lose your temper
It is normal for children to have emotions, but if children lose their temper because of this, they need guidance from their parents.
It's like a boy who wants to watch TV at the beginning, he wants to watch TV, but his father doesn't turn on the TV for him, it's understandable that he has emotions, after all, children like to watch TV, but if he sits on the ground and cries and loses his temper because his father doesn't turn on the TV for him, it's not okay.
Emotions can be had, but tantrums can't, parents need to correctly guide their children how to express their emotions correctly.
3. Empathize with children's emotions
Empathy refers to perceiving, understanding, and sharing the emotional state of others, as well as paying attention to their environment and experiences.
When a child has emotions, if parents can perceive and perceive them in time, and empathize with the child, then the child's emotions will disappear.
Therefore, when the child has some bad emotions, the first thing parents should do is not to yell at the child and blame the child, but to try to empathize with the child's emotions.
For example, if a child is crying, parents should avoid "crying is useless and does not solve the problem." You can say: "Mom sees you crying and losing your temper, I think you must be very uncomfortable and angry, Mom has been with you, and when you are emotionally stable, Mom wants to talk to you." ”
4. Teach children to express their emotions correctly
Splattering, rolling, and tantrums are children expressing their anger and dissatisfaction, but they are using them in the wrong way.
There are specific steps parents can take to teach their children to express their emotions.
For example, replace sprinkling and rolling with words. Telling your child what he needs or wants to do, and telling his parents directly in words is far more useful than rolling around.
For example, leave a "punching bag" at home, so that children can vent their dissatisfaction and grievances on the "punching bag". My family prepared sandbags and boxing gloves, and we told the children that if there is anything to vent, they can bring boxing gloves to hit the sandbags, and they will be comfortable when they are done.
For example, allow your child to cry. There is no shame in crying, it is an expression of human physiological emotions, and it is also a way to express feelings.
Crying is a kind of venting, which will have a positive psychological effect, and people will feel much happier after crying. Therefore, if the child is crying, don't stop it, let the child cry, and the bad emotions will also be vented with the tears.
The arbitrariness of children's emotional expression will gradually solidify with age, and every time there is a problem in this process, parents need to guide them over and over again, so that they can really understand and learn slowly.
Children's education cannot be expected to be achieved overnight, and it needs to be transformed into spring breeze and rain, such as cutting and learning, and grinding such as grinding. It takes three or five years of hard work for jade to make a good work, let alone children.
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