On a sunny afternoon, I received the good news that the director personally brought me, she said that I was about to be transferred to the secretariat of the municipal party committee.
It is the place that many people envy, the place closest to the leader, and the place where power gathers.
At that time, I had been working in Xinjiang for less than half a year, but I had just graduated and entered the society, and I was ignorant and ignorant of it, and my past life was simple and straightforward, and I did not know the deep meaning of fate at that time.
But after knowing my transfer notice, I can clearly feel that the people around me have become enthusiastic, and even people who I didn't know well before will be introduced to each other through various colleagues and friends, and I suddenly have a lot of friends, and Cheng Shasha is one of the friends who suddenly have more.
I still vaguely remember the scene when we met.
Xinjiang in autumn is really high and crisp, the blue sky is very high, the white clouds are floating in the sky in all kinds, the trees on both sides of the road are straight and towering into the clouds, and the yellow, green and red leaves decorate the road with colorful colors.
A colleague I knew that day said that he would take us to the mountains to pick fruits on the weekend, he drove the car with four of us, and along the way, I just looked at the scenery along the way, as well as the majestic snow-capped mountains on the way, and did not communicate much with the people around me.
I felt that everyone else was the same, everyone was immersed in the scenery of autumn nature, the blue sky, the transparent sunlight, the colorful leaves, the majestic snow-capped mountains, we were like in a crystal ball, it was the kind of beauty that was immersed in it.
It was a very relaxing feeling, and when I think about it, I still feel a warm happiness in my heart.
The first to start the conversation was the colleague who came with the organization, and he introduced us lively, and we began to chat with each other.
Through conversation, I learned that the girl sitting next to me was called Cheng Shasha, that day, she was wearing blue jeans, an ivory white shirt, and a pair of Nike sneakers under her feet, she looked particularly youthful, her face was that kind of goose egg face, **white, but her shoulders were not stretched, and she looked slightly hunchbacked.
After I first met Cheng Shasha, she began to become very warm, asking me out from time to time and taking me to her mother's store. Her mother runs a duty-free shop at the International Exhibition and Convention Center, which sells all kinds of Russian products, such as chocolates, nesting dolls, plush shawls and so on.
Later, through chatting, I learned that she was in her thirties at the time, unmarried, liked tarot constellation divination, also liked celebrity gossip, and liked to comment on celebrities, celebrities, colleagues, and friends in her spare time.
I had few friends in Xinjiang at that time, so I was more casual in making friends, every time Cheng Shasha asked me, I would agree, in the relationship, I felt that she was warm and cheerful, very easy to get along with, and slowly would talk to her about some very personal matters.
After I was officially transferred, I had a closer relationship with Cheng Shasha, she was responsible for party building-related work in the department I was transferred to.
Once, the branch notified me to submit a certain application information, so I went to Cheng Shasha's office, and that day, when I went over, I saw that she was playing **, and I was waiting next to me.
*She doesn't know who she's talking to**, that look is something I've never seen before, sharp, like a sharp knife, **, she keeps saying no, simply and decisively.
She spoke for several minutes, Cheng Shasha began to abuse in **, the voice was very loud, they were all accusing the other party, and the obedient voice was that the other party's information was written incorrectly, and then in the process of communication, the two sides had a conflict.
Cheng Shasha that day was completely different from the enthusiastic and energetic feeling in the past, after hanging up**, she still didn't forget to scold the other party hysterically**, she couldn't even understand people's words, and the implication was that the other party didn't understand what she meant, it was all the other party's fault.
That feeling made me a little trance, I don't know if the gentle Cheng Shasha is her, or if the person in front of me is her.
Listening to her abuse, I didn't know whether to leave or stay for a while, the scene was very embarrassing, after she finished scolding, she turned her head to face me, and suddenly regained that gentleness, smiled and asked me about the preparation of materials, and said to help me check.
Under such a strong contrast, I was flattered and hurriedly handed over my materials, and at work, I suddenly felt that Cheng Shasha was not the Cheng Shasha I knew.
After I put down the material, she began to bury her head in the look, and after reading it, she pointed out a problem to me, and I made corrections, and the material was approved.
At this time, Cheng Shasha mentioned to me what happened just now, she seemed to be angry, she said, xx, seeing that he still wants to join the party when he is old, his ability to understand and comprehend is so poor, I think that xx is that everyone in our unit thinks that promotion is hopeless, and he has always stayed away from disputes and does not ask about the world.
At that moment, I suddenly understood Cheng Shasha's two faces, she was still complaining to me, and she couldn't fill in the form correctly, she really took that IQ, I just wouldn't let him pass.
I actually don't know if she really has the ability to control whether others can join the party smoothly, but when I heard her say that the other party filled in the wrong form and had a low IQ, I was embarrassed and helpless for a while.
After walking out of Cheng Shasha's office, I thought back to the process of my acquaintance with Cheng Shasha and the various things we got along with later, and I immediately understood the deep meaning of Cheng Shasha's kindness to me.
At that time, I was praised by the leader in charge, and said in public that my future is limitless, although I don't think so, but I think many people listened to it, I think, the smile and the scenery I got later are just a fox and a fake tiger.
Inadvertently borrowed the momentum of others, but ** unit, this invisible momentum, often plays a role in everyone's life all the time.
After that time, Cheng Shasha asked me again, I intentionally or unintentionally found some reasons to prevaricate, I really couldn't prevaricate, I would also make an appointment to go together, but I no longer met my intimate sister like before, I said everything to her, I was afraid that unintentionally, I would become a brain-dead or ** control in her mouth.
But there will be more or less daily work contact, one day, the husband of a colleague in our department wants to join the party, and he needs the seal of the party union of our unit to do a background investigation, so he naturally found Cheng Shasha again.
Because I had a good relationship with Cheng Shasha, my colleagues repeatedly begged me to help me go together, and I was also simple at that time, so I agreed to go together.
As soon as I entered the office, my colleague explained her intentions, Cheng Shasha just refused, and said that her chapter leader was borrowing, and when her colleague asked what time she would come back to prepare for waiting, she put forward a new request, what need to write the seal application, what process.
After all kinds of processes were completed and the stamped documents were provided, Cheng Shasha still did not give the stamp, saying that the content of the back investigation could not be verified, and I saw that the content of the back investigation was whether or not he participated in illegal and cult organizations, and it was also a routine investigation.
But when a colleague asked if there was another way, Cheng Shasha also refused simply and decisively, she said, she didn't know.
The colleague was helpless, and finally went back and asked the section chief to coordinate, and finally it was successfully covered.
I feel deeply helpless about this, because the establishment of the organizational structure and the arrangement of people in all aspects of the organization are originally for the convenience of people, but it has become a condition for setting up obstacles.
Anyway, as long as it's not my business, I can do it slowly, disassemble and knead it, decompose and merge it, add a procedure, one less procedure, as long as it doesn't violate the rules, it's all personal freedom.
I think Cheng Shasha treats things between colleagues, and if this is the case, you can imagine how indifferent and impatient she must be when dealing with other units or the masses, so it is not difficult to understand that the masses encounter deliberate difficulties or arrogance in the process of doing things.
Power was originally a door to do things for the people, but it has become a hurdle. And the person who guards the gate of power is also alienated into a monster in the process of doing things day after day.
After seeing Cheng Shasha deliberately make things difficult a few times, although I still greet her warmly every time I meet, but when I see her scolding people at every turn**, that kind of high IQ and moral superiority, I want to say many times in my heart, since you don't look down on this profession, and you don't look down on those who are right in your profession, then why do you have to do this job?
While scolding, she did it again, because in her day-to-day work, the arrogance and arrogance generated by her familiarity with the work made her feel that others did not understand, as if it was an unforgivable fault that she lived to forgive.
She is like a coach, looking at the students she is practicing, and like an adult, criticizing babies who have not yet learned to walk.
But time and time again, I held back the anger in my heart, and I often thought that if I were to go back to that moment, I would definitely tell her not to slander others with that kind of mean language, but I was cowardly at the time, and I didn't do that, I often hated myself, and I hated myself for not being brave enough at that time.
The long process of joining the party, various applications, ideological reports, and political review processes, I have run to Cheng Shasha's office countless times, and I have also seen countless times Cheng Shasha scolding others for not using her brains, artificially setting difficulties for others, or leisurely and idly when drinking tea and watching **, the expressions of helplessness in her office when people look at each other and helplessly, I feel that she has become alienated into a person who is not like her.
In a trance, I remember that we first met, in the warm autumn sun, she was kind and easy-going, but when she returned to work, her sense of superiority that she had nowhere to release made her seem to have the power to judge and define everything, and she arbitrarily defined the level of a person's IQ or EQ.
And Xi this definition.
This definition even spread to celebrities and the people around her, and she unconsciously became a god who seemed to be able to judge all things.
She casually stuck people in the office for some real or just impatient reason, and she also talked in the office, commenting on a celebrity with eloquence, saying that looking at her appearance, she felt that she was not a good person, and she would definitely collapse.
In the system, there are not a few people who are arrogant and think that they can decide people's fate. And Cheng Shasha is just an example I saw, she was originally at the bottom, but after she had a little power, she began to embarrass the bottom and became the kind of person she once hated. Becoming less human, less empathetic and less empathetic.
And I've been wondering who made her so domineering and arrogant, it should still be that environment.
In the environment of high and low, she chose to be friends with me, scolding and judging people at will in the unit, and the people around her were helpless, and the leader just turned a blind eye and couldn't fire her, which undoubtedly fueled her anger, in the system, she would not have nothing to eat because of who she scolded, nor would she offend anyone because of slacking off today.
Marx said that man is the sum total of all social relations.
What I want to expand on is that man is the sum total of his or her environment and his or her original personality. At this point, I have a deeper understanding of Xunzi's view of sexual evil.
In this world, there are a few people who commit great treachery and evil after all, and there are many of them around you and me, small good and small evil, who pay kindness and hope to get something in return, and if you have the intention to do evil, you will also feel uneasy, and evil is not the kind of murder and arson, but the selfishness, greed, and indifference of people, and thus derive disregard for others.
The selfishness, greed, and indifference in human beings are more like beasts in a cage, and they may only be released in a chaotic environment, and even if they are released, they will be some roars or angry howls, which will not affect others.
In an orderly and fair environment, everyone will try their best to control the beast in their hearts, and will take the initiative to restrain their own anger, and in an environment where they can develop, people are always like a weed, growing arbitrarily, and growing to the point that it is all up to their hearts.
In fact, what makes me uneasy is not Cheng Shasha personally, but people like Cheng Shasha, who hold power in their hands, although this power is not big, but in the daily environment, the selfishness and greed nurtured by power circulate among the crowd and harm the Quartet.
I think that the last ones to suffer are still ordinary people, you and me among all living beings.
That's what makes me feel sad.