It's a good girl, Huang Huang."
Text: Huang Huang.
Figure The list of high-quality authors comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, the contact must be deleted, hello everyone, I am Huang Huang.
Have you eaten, slept, and lived seriously lately?
It's been a while before I came to the text.,It's really not that I'm too lazy.,It's a little busy recently.,I hope I'll be able to get better as much as possible in the future.
Two days ago, I listened to an episode of the Sage Time podcast and talked about the problem of being gregarious, which also gave me some profound experience.
I seem to have been a less gregarious person since I was a child, and even though I looked easy-going and talkative on the outside, I was very good at socializing in the eyes of my best friends, and even my Gallup test was number one in relationship building, but even so, I didn't feel like a gregarious person.
Because I also worked hard to live a gregarious life, when I was in college, I would force myself to do a lot of things I didn't like in order to build a good relationship with my roommates and create a perfect dorm girlfriend relationship.
For example, occasionally skipping classes to sleep in the dormitory, or running out to eat, go shopping and watch movies on days when there are no classes, I am not interested in these seemingly ordinary college life, but I still follow them in order to "fit in".
But then I found that the closer I got to the group, the farther away I was from myself.
I wasn't interested in cosmetics or bags at all, and I couldn't interject at all when they were talking, so I could only laugh awkwardly next to them, all of which made me feel like a clown.
For myself, being gregarious is nothing more than two purposesOne is the fear of loneliness, and the other is that I want to find some sense of security in friendship, but forcing myself to be gregarious didn't make me get these things, but made me even more unable to find myself.
Therefore, I found that instead of relying on others to get the desired security, it is better to become a reliable person and no longer care about the problem of being gregarious.
When I became a less gregarious person, my life suddenly changed from a difficult mode to a simple mode, and I began to learn to explore myself inwardly, find my passion, and live my life as I ideally became.
I started reading for an hour every day to improve my cognition and thinking, a good Xi that has been going on since I was in college for eight years now.
I've read seven or eight hundred, if not thousands, of books, from literature to psychology to philosophy, and the more immersed I am in reading, the more I can feel my own insignificance, and the more grateful I am for being less sociable.
I also learned photography and writing, and now these two skills have become the guy I eat, and I can output content every day, write about my life, and enjoy the time alone, which is extremely happy.
Looking back at my past self now, I really think:It's okay if you don't fit in.
Some time ago, a younger sister sent me a private message, probably saying that she had a bad relationship with her colleagues, and she tried hard to fit in with her colleagues, but it seemed that they were always deliberately alienating her.
I asked this sister a few questions, and I said do these colleagues help you in your work?Can integrating them get you a promotion and a raise?Will they help you with the job at hand?
She said, no.
I said, since there isn't, why try to fit in with them, and be so wronged to please them?
She replied to me that it was probably to appear that she was not so lonely, after all, she had to eat alone at noon every day, and she seemed so lonely.
We talked a little bit later, but I knew she had a hard time getting out of it.
Because change is not something that outsiders can immediately act on and make adjustments after saying a word or two of chicken soup, only when she knows how to seek development inward.
It took me eight years to go from passively being gregarious to actively choosing not to be social.
During this period of time, I made very good friends and got a lot of good results, I clearly expressed my views and character in the circle of friends, showed my work, and received a lot of confession letters from sisters who were encouraged by my words.
If your friends who see these words are also worried about whether to fit in, you might as well let yourself think differently:Explore yourself inward.
To explore your own way of life, to express yourself more, even if you are shy and dare not post on Moments, then you can also choose a platform you like to express your views publicly, and constantly break through inward, which is much easier than blindly fitting in to please others.
When we build our own city, we will naturally attract more people from the same frequency.
So, what does it matter if you don't fit in?