"You, don't think about it anymore, huh?I definitely don't have anything to do with you, how could I do that?I don't understand all men, let alone you. If you start to miss me, send my mom a note saying when you'll be coming and I'll be waiting for you at home with all my heart. Anyway, my mom doesn't know how to read, and my brother is blind, so whatever you write, they won't know. ”
This passage was said by Zheng Juan to Zhou Bingkun after she had an intimate relationship with Zhou Bingkun.
When Zheng Juan's eyes fell on the man in front of her, her heart was full of complicated emotions. She didn't regret repaying the favor with her body, she thought that this was what Zhou Bingkun deserved and what she should give, and she found that she seemed to have a special emotion for this kind man in her heart.
However, as a "widow", the predicament she found herself in with dragging her family made her feel that she was not qualified to expect too much. She thought that if a woman could not leave something to her husband, it would never have meaning. Therefore, she had no choice but to dedicate herself to this man, not looking forward to the future, only hoping that she would neither lose nor lack.
If one's emotions could be freely expressed and controlled, there might not be so many complicated love-hate relationships in this world. When Zheng Juan donated her body, her heart was also dedicated to Zhou Bingkun, which made her unable to suppress her desire to explore Zhou Bingkun's true feelings for her, whether it was desire or love.
Zhou Bingkun's advantages have always been closely watched by Zheng Juan and deeply remembered in her heart.
At first, she took a firm stance and rejected Zhou Bingkun's living support for Shui Artesian and Luo Shibin. She said that this is not what I should do, but their own business, all I have to do is give them the money so that they can live happily. She did it all because she thought the two men were her enemies and the main reason she had come to this point.
She mistakenly believed that Zhou Bingkun and Shui Artesian were accomplices, so her attitude towards Zhou Bingkun was not friendly, and she was even full of vigilance and vigilance.
However, to her surprise, in the more than a year that Zhou Bingkun sent money to her family, he did not make any cross-border moves, nor did he make any excessive demands, he was worried that she would be disgusted with him, and he barely even walked into the house again.
Zhou Bingkun's behavior made Zheng Juan have a deep good impression, she saw the sinister hearts of many people, and she was deeply grateful for Zhou Bingkun's selfless dedication.
Of course, the witty Zheng Juan understood that Zhou Bingkun didn't really have no purpose, but what he pursued did not arouse her disgust. He is an opinionated man who likes to choose what interests him the most. A woman's intuition tells him that he longs to have her, but he is always holding back his impulses and desires.
Zheng Juan's speculation was accurate, since Zhou Bingkun first met her, he was attracted to her charm. She is an attractive person, she has a strong attraction, she is a capable woman, she is a man who can bring him wealth and happiness. In the silence of the night, he would often recall her, and when he saw her again in his dreams, he deeply longed to have this woman whom he was so attracted to, but he did not dare to say it, nor to go further.
Sooner or later, something will happen, and the difference between them is a day earlier or a day later.
When Zheng Juan faced the benefactors and nobles in her family, she knew that only she could give them their due return. In her opinion, her love is to make a wedding dress for others, and her marriage is to treat others as her own, so that she can be regarded as recognized and respected by others.
At first, she felt hesitant and rejected Zhou Bingkun's integrity and kindness, but Zhou Bingkun's quality deeply touched her and made her completely let go of her inner contradictions and hesitations. She is willing to accept this man and is willing to give everything for him, and of course, in this kind of giving, it also includes the fulfillment of herself.
In this way, on the day when Zhou Bingkun presented the rare and precious brown sugar, Zheng Juan used her body as a token of gratitude to Zhou Bingkun.
At this moment, we can't be sure if there is love between Zheng Juan and Zhou Bingkun, whether it is motivated by one kind of gratitude, or by another desire. Maybe it's their love for each other, maybe it's their love for each other, or maybe their love continues.
However, we cannot say that there is no love between them, nor can we say that there is no desire between them. However, whether out of gratitude or desire, these emotions have the potential to translate into love. At least in the original description, the love between them is gradually established and solidified on the basis of gratitude and desire.
This kind of love, at first glance, does not look like the kind of beautiful love that "mistakes for life at first sight", but this does not mean that such love is not love, nor is it ugly. Because this kind of love is conditional, it takes some effort to get it, otherwise, even if you are good to it, you will be rejected.
The formation and development of love essentially involves many elements, such as the attractiveness of appearance, the fit of interests, and the satisfaction of needs. In real life, there are many factors in love that we are not willing to face or admit. But love built in this way can still be beautiful. The key is whether both parties in love are genuinely committed to the relationship.
In fact, in the deepest part of Zheng Juan's heart, she longs for Zhou Bingkun's feelings for her not only material desires, because he not only dedicates his body to her, but also dedicates his heart to her, and her expectations of him and his attitude towards her are consistent. She knew if this date would disappoint her, but she couldn't say no. Therefore, after experiencing that intense emotion, she did a bit about Zhou Bingkun's mentality and inner emotions.
In the original work, Zheng Juan tested Zhou Bingkun three rounds.
The first attempt was after the two had their first passion, Zheng Juan looked at the shy and nervous Zhou Bingkun and said:
How can I repay you other than to thank you like I did before?If you already have a partner, then you should definitely not come here again. If you are married, then you must erase me from your memory. We've made an agreement today, can we?”
We can't tell for sure how much of this sentence is out of temptation and how much is sincere. But in my opinion, both of these should be present. Zheng Juan neither wanted Zhou Bingkun to take any responsibility for her, nor did she want him to bear too much psychological pressure, so she said that she did it to repay Zhou Bingkun.
If Zhou Bingkun really only wants to get her body, then she is willing to let him realize his wish for his kindness, and the two will no longer be in debt.
However, on the other hand, Zheng Juan still couldn't suppress her desire for whether Zhou Bingkun really had feelings for her. Although the outside environment does not allow them to be together, as long as Zheng Juan realizes his love for her, it is enough to make her feel satisfied.
When the two agreed to meet again, Zheng Juan walked into Zhou's house to investigate according to the map drawn by Zhou Bingkun. After going through ups and downs, Zheng Juan revealed her background to Zhou Bingkun - Zheng Juan and her younger brother Zheng Guangming are not the biological sons of Aunt Zheng, but an adopted child.
She revealed her origin to Zhou Bingkun, as well as described in detail the plight of Zheng's mother and Zheng Guangming, not to pretend to be pitiful in order to win sympathy, but to tell Zhou Bingkun in a tactful way that if they really have a chance to come together in the future, she thinks that she will not give up Zheng's mother and brother for any reason, and marrying her means taking care of this big family.
Of course, if Zhou Bingkun is not sincere and has no intention of marrying Zheng Juan as his wife, then these people who are called "drags" will not become his financial burden.
In the third investigation, Zheng Juan revealed to Zhou Bingkun the true situation behind the Tu Zhiqiang incident. Zheng Juan and Tu Zhiqiang are only husband and wife on the surface, Tu Zhiqiang has another person in his heart (artesian), and her child is not Tu Zhiqiang's, but Luo Shibin's. In the original work, Tu Zhiqiang knew something about this incident, and Luo Shibin also paid a finger of his own.
Zheng Juan was curious if Zhou Bingkun would be dissatisfied with her because of this, or could not accept the truth of the matter. She didn't want to keep any form of concealment from Zhou Bingkun, this so-called temptation was not only to gain an in-depth understanding of Zhou Bingkun's inner world, but also to be able to treat him more clearly and sincerely.
She understands that there are some things that don't need to be said publicly, even if they are facts, they can be completely covered up with "goodwill", but her feelings for Zhou Bingkun are sincere and unreserved.
In the original work, Zheng Juan once said something like this after revealing everything to Zhou Bingkun:
I don't want to ask you questions in the future as if I would simply tell you. I think I should tell you everything tonight. If you still miss me, it's really between the two of us. If you can't do that, I'll prove you're right right now.
If you are no longer willing to help us, then you are still a benefactor to me, my mother and my brother, and we will always remember you. My mother always told me that people who are kind to me must be sincere with them. I can only be kind to you to this extent, but I am sincere, and I don't just play emotional games with you. ”
In the depths of Zheng Juan's heart, there is only that last sentence.
She is deeply in love with Zhou Bingkun and sincerely hopes to establish a sincere relationship with him. Therefore, she unreservedly showed him all her experiences, including those sad pasts, in the hope that he would see her true side. Only in this way can she truly be worthy of Zhou Bingkun's care and assistance to her, and at the same time, Zhou Bingkun may also think about whether he really loves her or chooses not to love her in the face of such a Zheng Juan.
Zheng Juan, a kind-hearted woman, never considered forcing Zhou Bingkun to do anything for her, let alone forcing him to do anything for her. However, when she genuinely gives her emotions, she inevitably longs for the same response. The response she really craves is: I don't just play emotional games with you, and my feelings for you are sincere.
However, she didn't get the answer she expected, all she got was Zhou Bingkun's speechlessness.
Emergency. Zhou Bingkun did not have much interest in Zheng Juan's previous two attempts.
At that time, he was completely immersed in the pleasure of being attracted to beautiful women, and the physical and mental satisfaction caused his mental abilities to decline dramatically, but he probably never thought deeply about it.
However, when Zheng Juan revealed the true situation between Tu Zhiqiang and the child to Zhou Bingkun, Zhou Bingkun's thoughts instantly became clear. Facing Zheng Juan's tight hug with a hint of pleading, he stiffly hugged her into his arms, trying to make his movements appear more gentle, but his heart didn't actually reveal true tenderness.
In the original work, Zhou Bingkun's soul at this time was depicted like this:
At that particular moment, his heart was filled with confusion and confusion, like a traveler who had just entered an inn and spent a peaceful night in his favorite room. When he wakes up early in the morning, he finds that everything around him is not quite right, and although it is not a black shop, it will definitely cause a lot of trouble if he continues to stay. He was even a little angry, thinking that she didn't need to confess all the things he didn't know, which completely ruined his mood. ”
Zhou Bingkun was dissatisfied with Zheng Juan's revelation of the truth, thinking that it ruined his mood. He was also worried about whether Zheng Juan, who gave birth to Luo Shibin's child, would become trouble.
Although his inner expectations are not as good as they should be, his hesitations and apprehensions do reflect people's true feelings. He wanted to be a good father, a good mother, and a good son. There is hardly anyone in this world who does not think about their future. Zhou Bingkun can't stay out of the matter, he is willing to take care of Zheng's mother, Zheng Guangming and "Tu Zhiqiang's child", which he has considered for a long time, but he doesn't want to accept "Luo Shibin's child".
First, whether the child can truly understand who he is as a "stepfather" and whether he can be properly raisedSecond, whether this child can really be a good father. Secondly, who can make sure that Luo Shibin will not cause trouble, and how should he respond when the biological father of the child comes to ask for the child?
He has no aversion to Zheng Juan, and he is not unwilling to live with her, but because of his rationality and sense of responsibility, he needs to think about whether he can accept it and whether he can overcome the obstacles in his heart.
At this moment, Zheng Juan noticed Zhou Bingkun's emotional fluctuations:
She gently kissed Zhou Bingkun on the cheek, and then gently pushed him, her lips were cold, and the kiss on his face was cold.
Zheng Juan's lips looked cold, and she also felt cold in her heart. She mistakenly thought that Zhou Bingkun didn't want to face such a self, and she didn't want to have a future with her. She felt that her fantasies were ridiculous. However, the results of her trial showed that Zhou Bingkun was really pursuing only herself, not her own inner world.
As a result, the two lose their way in the journey of this relationship and hesitate in their respective predicaments. The love between them began by chance, and it was shortly after they met that he was working in sales for a company. For quite some time to come, there was no face-to-face contact between them, and nothing further happened. Everything between them seems to be a mystery. In the original work, Zhou Bingkun once described their relationship with each other during this period as follows:
He felt as if his relationship with her had changed—he was on the other side of the river, and on the other side of the river was her;Although he jumped into the water for her, he did not dare to move forward easily because the water in front of him was too deep, he did not know much about the water, and every step forward was a potential danger. It wasn't a problem to retreat, but he wasn't satisfied, because there was nothing on the shore behind him that could make him happy. ”
Until the misfortune of Artesian Water and Luo Shibin, Zheng's mother passed away, fate once again closely linked Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan, and since then, they have never been separated.
I can feel Zhou Bingkun's hesitation, and I can also understand the temptation that Zheng Juan said. None of them are people who play with feelings, they need to be responsible for their feelings, so truth and thinking are very important. I think there is a tacit understanding and tacit understanding between them, they know each other's inner thoughts and know how to face it. It is precisely because of this emotional crisis that they have a deeper understanding of each other's value and have chosen to avoid blind choices for future love and marriage.