When the children are getting married, it is normal for the in-laws to sit together and chat, exchange opinions with each other, and promote good deeds.
However, what should the in-laws do when they meet for the first time?
Many people like to talk about it, confess everything about themselves, or show some ugly things, and think that "ugly things are told in front", which is very wrong.
Benjamin Franklin said, "None of our Xi is as hard as overcoming pride." Though they try their best to hide it, overcome it, and destroy it, it is still revealed before you know it. ”When people interact with others, the easiest thing to expose is their ugly side, and only by learning to hide it deeply.
If you have to show your hand in everything, it will inevitably lead to contradictions.
The poem says: "Since ancient times, people's hearts have been different, and the way is like their faces." ”We may know some of the situation of our in-laws and remember the appearance of our in-laws through mobile phone photos, circle of friends, and children's mouths before meeting our in-laws.
But people's hearts can't be seen through at will, and after meeting, they still can't.
Therefore, don't just open your mouth, you have to figure everything out at once. It's not a good thing to reveal yourself too much, and it's not a good thing to ask your in-laws to break the casserole.
On Zhihu, a female netizen asked for help.
She described that after two years of dating, she was ready to get married, and her parents met twice, but there was no progress.
The boyfriend's father inquired privately: "How much is the bride price?"”
She said: "What my dad means is to give 50,000 yuan at the banquet." The bride price is arbitrary, as long as you have a house and a car. ”
In addition, she also said that no point will be left for how much the bride price is given and how much is returned. There are even 100,000 dowries.
Everything was made clear, but the boyfriend's father was embarrassed: "There is too much money on the banquet." ”
Because of the money at the banquet, the lovers argued several times.
When the parents were chatting, her father thought: "This mother-in-law's family should have changed cars, the car is too old." ”
Her boyfriend believes that the money for the house has not been repaid, and he will wait for the car change. This is another point of quarrel.
As a last resort, the man changed to a relatively high-end new car to pick up relatives, or to raise his value.
In order to get married as soon as possible, female netizens are actively preparing for pregnancy.
Next, she found that her boyfriend's parents had not been proposing, and there were only two months left before they were ready to get married.
Think about it, the marriage of female netizens, what is the stuck point?First, the woman's parents exposed the characteristics of being too face-saving, resulting in more money being put out at the wedding banquet;For the requirements of the car, in fact, it can not be discussed, the car is a means of transportation, not a face;The bride price was discussed, but the specific situation was not clearly discussed, which caused the man's parents to have scruples.
The second is the man's parents, who want to know everything, but the way of inquiring is not right, and they can't ask the "prospective daughter-in-law" repeatedly, but talk to the woman's parents.
In fact, when you get married, what you are most afraid of being exposed is your "human nature": greed, good face, excessive consideration of the right person, reflecting your sense of superiority, and refusing to suffer losses.
You need to meet all the conditions, once you open your mouth, it will be difficult to recover. If the other party really can't do it, it will be embarrassing, and it will be difficult to get married.
Too many marriages are stuck on money issues, and both parents are asking too much.
Hidden deeply, it is the great wisdom of in-law communication.
As the saying goes: "Leave a line of affection, and see each other in the future." ”The best way to promote marriage should be to lower yourself and let the other party have more initiative. Your humility is your generosity, and your wisdom.
The reason why the in-laws meet for the first time is to live a long life in the future. Too many things, slowly understand in the future, or even keep a distance all the time, and it doesn't matter if you don't understand it.
First, hide your words and listen to what the other party says.
Some people, as soon as they open their mouths, talk exaggeratedly, and have a very strong desire to express themselves. For the conditions of marriage, there are more than a dozen in one breath.
For the story of his own children, he can also say that the head is true, that is, the child has been in love many times, and what the result is, I also talked about it.
If you say too much, you will lose. It's better to be quiet and listen to what the other person has to say. When the other party has made it clear, they can put forward some of their own points of view, and they can reach a consensus through dialogue with each other.
Also, don't refute each other, after all, everyone's perspective is different, and everyone is here to seek common ground while reserving differences.
Second, hide money, don't show off your family background, and don't open your mouth.
The writer Lessing said, "Truth is not a coinage, it is ready to be placed there, and it can be taken and hidden in a pocket." ”It is very cheesy to say that you have a lot of money to crush the momentum of the other party.
Your children are about to get married, and you still think that you have too much superiority, which is nothing more than proof that this marriage is not the right door, the household is wrong, and the other party is climbing high.
If you, as the parent of your daughter, ask for hundreds of thousands of dowries, and then wait for the other party to bargain, this is a transaction. It's like buying and selling at a farmer's market.
Marriage is inseparable from money, but it is necessary to look at the other party's economic conditions and accept the requirements.
The amount of money is a courtesy, not a sale. Even if both parents are rich people, they also want to keep their wealth open and be low-key.
Third, Zang Feng, once there is a dispute, he will show weakness first.
In conversation, there are inevitably contradictions. It is possible to fight for a few words and protect the shortcomings of your children. At this moment, you don't want to show your edge, but take the initiative to show weakness.
If you endure it and let it go, the other party will not be angry, realize the mistake, and then continue to communicate.
With the attitude of helping your children and in-laws, what you do will be much more transparent. Your words and deeds are actually continuing to support the future of your children, and there is no edge, only strength.
The ancients said: "When the branches have no flowers, they will reappear, and if the flowers are separated from the branches, it is difficult to go up." ”I finally waited until my children got married, and the branches bloomed. If you wipe out the buds, you are sinning.
As a parent, you can only do the work of watering, so that the flowers bloom as soon as possible, and the fruits are harvested.
It is better to meet with relatives, talk about the Xi of both parties, exchange opinions, reach consensus, and implement according to the agreement. Don't show your ugly nature, don't crush the momentum of the other party, and don't expose the ugly things of the other party or their children.
When you enter a family, you are a family.
Since it is a family, it is a family.
Hide happiness in your own big family, and the future can be expected.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The picture in the article is ** on the Internet.