After graduating from Peking University, Zhengshen, who was strong in his life, rolled up to Hollywood to pursue his dream. Although it was not smooth sailing along the way, he also fought monsters and upgraded, from poor and white to three Emmy nominations, his husband took care of his family, and his daughter was cute.
Until one day, she received the news of a Hollywood strike, just like an athlete who was originally sprinting with all his might, and was suddenly stopped by the referee due to force majeure.
Sparks came out of the soles of my feet, and although I was glad that I could finally rest after standing still, it was more of the confusion and emptiness that I could do something.
She was born in 1987, and hard work is the key word on her journey. However, like the plight of all middle-class workers, she had to deal with the psychological gap brought about by the economic downturn, as well as her personal powerlessness in the context of the general strike.
Let's hear her story.
I'm a sound artist, sort ofForced to be involved in the largest strike wave in Hollywood history
First, in May, the Screenwriters Guild** had their own compressed salaries and job opportunities, and then in July, the Actors Guild took to the streets to demand that the platform regulate the use of artificial intelligence.
The upstream of the industry has picked a child, and as the downstream, we naturally have no work to do. Our work is generally project-basedNo project, no income.
After finishing the last bit of finishing work in August, I am unemployed to this day.
A while ago, the Writers Guild announced the end of the strike, but the negotiations of the Actors Guild are still not optimistic. The internal strike will end next month, and I think it may drag on for a longer time.
On the day of the Emmy Awards
Anxiety is spreading, and emails from relevant organizations emphasizing mental health are flooding our mailboxes, but it's realisticThe organization provides only moral support and no material subsidies.
Our family has a monthly mortgage tax increase of more than $5,000, and the children are sent to daycare, which is $2,000 a month, plus odd and bits and pieces such as food, clothing, housing and transportation, and at least $8,000 a month.
The only thing that is fortunate is that my husband is not a peer. He is a system engineer and belongs to the traditional industry, although there is no yard farmer to make money, but it is stable, and I have no pressure to support my family for the time being.
Suffice it to say, this strike was my first real break in years.
After working hard in Hollywood for ten years, there were gaps in the middle when the projects were not immediately connected, and every time I planned to take a break and simply return to China for a vacation. But every time it comes to the point, I convince myself:
Forget it, let's talk about it later, let's do something else first.
In our industry, the foreign workplace is also very volatile, science and technology are changing with each passing day, and everyone is doing faster and better than others.
In 2021, my baby was born. I returned to work two months after giving birth, working from home, getting up at five o'clock in the morning with the baby, working in fragmented hours. Wait for the baby to fall asleep at night, continue to work overtime to complete the task, and have to be ready to coax the baby who sleeps in the early morning. As a result of my mental habitual tension, I didn't sleep for two whole years and suffered from sleep disorders.
As a generation that grew up under the values of working with academic papers, it is actually difficult to really lie flat in my bones. This forced job loss seems to have found a legitimate and reasonable reason for stopping and resting. In June this year, I successfully took my daughter back to China to visit relatives.
But strangely,I didn't feel the ease of finally being able to catch my breath, but more of a confusion and emptiness, as if going back to 14 years ago, when I was just admitted to Peking University from a fourth-tier town.
Undergraduate graduation photo
When I was first admitted to Peking University, my values were greatly impacted.
I studied inSchool of Information Science and Technology, Peking UniversityIf nothing else, as soon as I graduate, I will be able to ride the tide of science and technology, become a code farmer, and achieve financial freedom.
But there was an accident. I don't like to write, but I don't know what I really like.
There are many people in Peking University who are in small towns like me, but there are also many people who are capable, have clear goals, have money in their families, and are good-looking. While I was still groping with one foot deep and one foot shallow, people were already speeding towards the goal.
In 2008, he volunteered for the Beijing Olympic Games
I could only bury my envy and anxiety in my heart, and experience different campus activities under the guise of chicken blood, and it was in this process that I found myself interested in creation.
So, I decided to make a decision that Zhang Xuefeng had to sigh No, she's not sick
** Transferred to film, went to the University of Southern California (USC) in the United States to study film and television post-production.
A few years after graduating from the USC, I ventured into Hollywood on my own.
Doing projects with little pay in order to save experience, moving to a dilapidated house with poor security and only one mattress to save rent, and having to deal with the nagging of parents why can't they be a programmer in peace, and then question themselves with the same question every sleepless night
yes, why can't I?」
Participated in the Top Ten Singers Competition of Peking University
Many years later, when I talked to my friends about that experience, I often laughed at myself for being crazy.
But if I had to choose again, I think I'd still be on this path.
It is true that if you catch the wind once, your life will be easier for decades, but how many people can seize the opportunity given by the generosity of the times?
When I went to Beijing in 2006 to study at university, architecture and biology were in full swing, and few people could have predicted that the next decade would be the first period of the Internet.
When I went to Los Angeles in 2010 to study, the aftermath of the financial crisis was still there, housing prices were at their lowest, and if I could buy a suite, I wouldn't have to pay a $5,000 monthly mortgage.
That being said, at that time, I didn't have enough money and vision to reach this outlet.
Choice is greater than effort, luck is greater than choice, this sentence is not so much a guide to life, but rather an afterthought.
Similarly, when I changed my major to study film, I could not predict the huge impact of artificial intelligence on the film industry, and the current situation that I was unemployed at home and the day of resumption of work was far away.
But,There are not only two things in life: money and workI am willing to accept the consequences of my choices and believe that every decision I make is the best solution for the moment.
USC graduation photo
In 2016, I met Villain at work.
This old white male colleague did not hesitate to praise me in front of me, but he complained about me all over the back, and I was not capable of saying anything outside of my words. Sure enough, I was fired under his frame.
I didn't have much time to be sad, so I hurried up to a small project seamlessly, but I didn't expect it to be this project that made me nominated2020 Daytime Emmy
Before the gears were turned, a senior teacher recommended me againThe American Horror Story teamI lived up to my expectations and was nominated again2021 Primetime Emmy (** Time Emmy Award).
Emmy Award Nomination Celebration Banquet
In just two years, I jumped from the trough to the top, this experience made me more confident, I will not be easily PUA, and it also made me truly disenchanted by Hollywood.
If I hadn't joined the team at the right time, I would still be me, but I wouldn't have missed the Emmy Awards in the short term. I've been in this industry for a long time and I've seen a lot of similar stories:
There are Xiaobai's first job not long after graduation is an Oscar-nominated film, and there are also veterans who have worked hard in the industry for many years and have never had a good opportunity.
Is it possible to succeed if you work hard?That's not how this society works.
You can interpret this as "people are lucky", or you can interpret this as "everyone is more or less a pig on the tuyere".
We can't change the external environment, we can only change our own way of thinking. Seeking a sense of existence in someone else's coordinate system is doomed to be futile, it is better to return to real life, take a good look at yourself, and look at the people around you.
This realization made me really start to be grateful and love myself.
The confusion and anxiety when I was first admitted to Peking University 14 years ago was more due to peer pressure under the social evaluation systemAnd this time, when I lost my job due to the Hollywood strike, I was thinking: What do I want to do in the second half of my life?」
I remember the first time I was nominated for an Emmy, it happened to be the epidemic, the industry was shut down, and the awards ceremony was postponed, and I was a little sad. My boss told me that there was no work during this time anyway, so you should spend more time with the family and leave a little more time for yourself.
At the time, I didn't take this sentence to heart, but now that I think about it, I understandThe most valuable thing in my life is not the fame and fortune that comes from life and death, but the precious links between people.
I want to accompany my baby to grow up, I want to enjoy every day of happiness with my husband, and I want to get out of the mindset from childhood to adulthood, not to work hard because I am afraid of being inferior to others, but to transform fear-driven into love-driven.
Celebration banquet after the award ceremony
A while ago, I celebrated my 36th birthday.
My husband left for work early in the morning, and I dropped my baby off at 9 o'clock to daycare, and I was the only one in the house. I usually do some housework, and that day I decided to go out for a walk.
The sun was shining in Los Angeles, and I took my coffee and walked slowly to the park, not worried about tanning, not afraid of getting old, and enjoying the UV rays of the moment.
There was a well-proportioned beauty running past me, and her legs were so beautiful, and I was going to practice like that. Then it dawned on me that this time I didn'tOthers have this habitual self-attack of self-aggression without me, I don't have me, I am anxious, I am not self-disciplined, and I am so bad, and I can only simply appreciate and envy.
I think that's what people often call inner peace, and I'm happy.
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