No matter in the past or now, "other people's children" has always been a parent's expectation and a child's nightmare. It seems that no one has escaped being compared since birth. Before the age of 3, it is healthier, taller, stronger than whose child, and whose child is more beautiful;After the age of 3, more well-behaved, more obedient, and more polite than any other child...
Ren Songsong scored 100 points in this exam. I'm heartbroken for you every day, why can't you only score 65 points, can't you fight for a 90 score once?Xiao Nan, who took the report card and asked her mother to sign it, was inevitably educated and "encouraged" by her mother again. He lowered his head and didn't dare to squeak, and mentally defended himself weakly: "I've worked hard, can't you see?".This time, I not only passed, but also scored 65 points, why don't you fight?You won't be satisfied with what I do, every time it's loose and good, loose and loose, he is so good, let him be your son. I don't Xi good at school, and I don't deserve to be your son. ”
In order to set an example for their children, many parents always compare the strengths of other children with their own children's shortcomings. As everyone knows, each child's personality and characteristics are different, such a comparison will make the child feel disgusted, not only the parent-child relationship is destroyed in the comparison, often compare the shortcomings of their own children with the advantages of other people's children, which will make children feel that they are inferior to others, and become less and less confident. Over time, children feel unable to hold their heads up in front of their peers, looking at others as strengths and themselves as shortcomings, resulting in inferiority complex. Children who are often compared to others may also develop jealousy and even revenge.
Parents need to look back at their children, stop endless and meaningless comparisons, pay more attention to their children, see their own progress, and objectively evaluate their children's achievements, so that children can see themselves correctly. Give your child more appreciation and encouragement, and your child will naturally improve.
Xiaohu's father took Xiaohu to play, and after a few rounds, his father said: "You didn't know how to play table tennis before, and when you first taught you to play, you couldn't catch a ball, and now you can not only receive my ball, but also see the opportunity to give me a jerk, which caught me off guard, indicating that you have a strong learning Xi and practical ability." "Xiaohu is very happy to be praised by his father, and he Xi playing whenever he has time, and his skills are getting better and better.
Parents can see their child's progress and magnify this progress point, which will inspire the child's confidence and compare the child's present with his own past. Seeing where your child is improving now and in the past will be especially motivated to know that he is improving.
In the process of comparing the child's past and present, parents should point out the specific details of the child's progress, the points of progress, evaluate the process, let the child see his progress in this area, and strive to do better. When a child feels genuine appreciation and affirmation from their parents, it can have a beneficial effect on the child. Once parents pay attention to their child's past and present, see their child's subtle progress, focus on the process and goals, and let the child experience the joy and sense of accomplishment that is getting closer and closer to the goal in the process of achieving the goal, the child can get more happiness and confidence from it. If the goal is achieved, the child will experience the "self-fulfilling prophecy" and will motivate the child to do better. If the goal cannot be achieved temporarily, parents' attention and affirmation of their children's efforts in the process and seeing their children's highlights can also inspire children to develop more courageously in the direction of excellence. Children who learn to compare themselves can experience the joy of growing up, and are kinder and more confident to others.
Each child has a unique cognitive model and has its own natural characteristics, which is a gift from God to the child, and wise parents will teach their children to compare their present with the past
Give up "other people's children" and let go of your own children.
Don't talk about hope, just make suggestions;No requests, just reminders.
Help your child recognize himself, find himself, and like himself.
In the process of comparing whether they are doing better than before, children will pay more attention to their own progress and growth. Experience the progress and happiness that comes with hard work by summarizing experiences and lessons. So as to understand that if you want to win, you must have the courage to face failure, compare with yourself, and surpass yesterday's self every day is success.
That's all for today's sharing. Feel free to give your views in the comment section. Pay attention to me to learn a little parenting knowledge every day, be a better parent, and help children become talents.