Everyone's heart has been wounded.
This injury is not necessarily a parting of life and death, a natural or man-made disaster, but may just be a misunderstanding by a friend, a breach of appointment by a parent, or an unjust ...... by a teacher
Originally, I thought that Mr. Hailan's daughter must not have been injured, but I later learned that Mr. Hailan's daughter was also traumatized.
Even children who grow up in ideal love will be hurt.
Because no one person can do that—respond to our needs exactly the way we need them, whenever we need them.
Whenever our needs are not met, there are all kinds of injuries within us.
There is a way to resolve all the pain, there is a way to solve all the problems, provided that we areBe willing to face it.
Looking back on the past ten years, in the process of learning Xi practicing self-care, I have also seen many vivid growth cases, and the sentence that touched me the most is:Live in a different way!
It turns out that people can still live like this.
When we don't start to learn to care for ourselves, before we grow up, we live so screwed, so tangled, so worried, so cold, so hard!
Many times, we base our value and joy on comparison, and when we attend a class reunion and find that we are better than our classmates, we are happy
I went to another class reunion again, and found that everyone else was better than me, the cars I drove were better than my own, and the bags I used were more expensive than my own, and I was not good again in an instant.
When a person's joy, self-confidence, and sense of worth are based on comparison, the state is unstable, sometimes high, sometimes low.
Now, we can live so differently
I am inferior to others, but I also have my own strengths, and our joy comes from this.
Joy does not come from being better than others, our self-worth and self-confidence come from ourselves, based on our deep understanding, seeing and appreciation of ourselves.
It doesn't matter if you see someone stronger than you, you will still feel:
Wow, he's so good, so appreciative!”
When you see someone worse than you, you won't look down on it, it's arrogant:
You see you're so stupid?Why don't you get a salary, is it because you haven't worked well?”
We can understand everyone's difficulties, just as we understand our own.
Because of self-care, we don't have to be good, because we are real, we are happy.
Please remember this phrase:We don't need to be excellent, we just need to be real.
We've been fighting for excellence all our lives
To be an excellent student, have an excellent job, be an excellent employee, earn an "excellent" salary, and raise an excellent child ......
In order to be excellent, we are anxious, anxious, nervous, forcing ourselves, rushing ourselves to ......
Actually, we don't need to be a better version of ourselves, we just need to be better ourselves.
The original you are fine, you just need to do subtraction, unload unnecessary burdens, and become your true self.
The process of discovering ourselves is to suddenly look back, and that person is in the dim light.
Such a good self is waiting for you to see.
I would like to ask you a question:
We work hard and study Xi just to live our ideal life, family harmony and career success.
So, how do we live our ideal life, and on what basis?
By changing others or by changing yourself?
On your own, right?
It's not that others don't have to change, but we can't ask others to change, nor can we rely on others to change, we can only change ourselves and influence others.
There is an anonymous tombstone in the backyard of Westminster Abbey in London, on which such a story is written-
When I was younger, I wanted to change the world, so I left my hometown.
Later, I realized that the world was too big for me to change, so I thought it would be better to change the country I was in.
So I went back to my country and tried to change it, and then, I found that I couldn't change my country.
After suffering a lot of setbacks, I returned to my hometown, and I wanted to change my family!
After many years of trying, I found that I couldn't even change my own family.
Now that I'm dying, I realize that the only person I can change is myself.
If I had realized this earlier, I would have changed myself by changing myself, and maybe my family would have changed because of it.
When my family changes, I may be able to slowly lead more and more families, and even the whole country to start to change.
When our country starts to change, maybe the world starts to change too.
Although this is a Western story, it is the same meaning as our ancestors said "self-cultivation and Qi family rule the country and level the world".
Start with me, slim down;And then to my family, the Qi family;And then to my country, to govern the country;Finally, to the whole world, the world.
The core of change is oneself.
The only person we can change is ourselves.
When you change, like a ripple, like a butterfly effect, the surroundings will slowly change.
All external changes, including work, children, family, colleagues, leadership, wealth and achievement, all come from your inner changes.
The question arises again, how to change yourselfIs it to overcome yourself, or to accept yourself?
Many friends do not hesitate to answer: overcome yourself.
Today, I want to tell you about the "Four Lies of Life" - Wangpu Rental, ** Coming Soon, and Defeating Yourself.
To overcome yourself, you have to look at it in two aspects.
From a small point of view, for example, I am not good at running, every time I run with my child, I have to grit my teeth and persevere, at this time I persevere, such a victory over myself, is needed.
But in terms of life as a whole, if you and yourself have been in a fighting relationship, can we really do it?
We are nervous because we speak in public, and then we fight ourselves, and we order ourselves not to be nervous, can you not be nervous right away?
It's often the harder you try, the more you can't do it, right?
So, overcoming yourself is a lie.
We have to try to be friends with ourselves, teachers and friends with ourselves.
It's hard to be friends with yourself.
A lot of times, we're the ones who are the hardest on ourselves.
We are all sharpshooters aiming at ourselves.
Whenever we encounter setbacks, such as a fall, illness, unemployment, broken love, etc., life has made us very painful, life has been our first arrow, and soon, we will shoot our second arrow, and it will be accurate and ruthless
Look at you, why are you so stupid!Look at you, your temper is too bad!If only you could be more competent. If only you were smarter!
Thousands of arrows came at him, and ten thousand arrows pierced his heart.
Archery is because we want to overcome ourselves, we want to be better, faster, better, and harder.
When we don't want or accept ourselves as we are, we adopt an attitude of hostility, ridicule, incomprehension, compassion, concern, and help.
This kind of attitude, which is confrontation, is the way that will not make us happy.
Another way that can make us excellent and happy is to help ourselves with love, care, and faith.
On the road to happiness, there are two ways, one out of dissatisfaction and blame, and the other out of love, care and trust.
One is an arrow that is shot, and the other is a hug that is sent.
What really makes a difference is not an arrow, but understanding, embracing, helping, safety and confidence, and with these, we naturally do better.
Looking back at my last ten years:
When I was most anxious and hardest, I was not stupider than now, I earned no less money than now, my physical strength was no worse than now, I was younger, I was the same sincerity, kindness and hard work, but I was trapped in challenges, troubles, entanglements and internal friction.
I have come over, completely changed, the process of my change is just a small sample, tens of thousands of students of Hailan Happiness have experienced a similar process of life trajectory transformation.
Looking back at this process, I divided it into three levels: the first stage, that isIgnorance
It's not ignorance in the pejorative sense, it's ignorance.
I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, and I don't know what I have.
I don't know what I really care aboutHow the hell did I become who I am now?
I'm afraid, what am I afraid of?
I'm angry, what the hell makes me angry?
Did I figure myself out?I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what do I use to do it?Who can do it with me, who can help me?
This is the lowest level of a person.
Looking at people is like looking at an iceberg, we subconsciously only look at the tip of the water, achievements, success, wealth, everything external, is the iceberg on the water. What is said above, within us, is the invisible iceberg.
Too often, we work on the surface of the water and ignore our intangibles.
But in fact, the invisible determines the tangible.
For example, if I want to change my Xi of losing my temper, I don't just say to myself not to lose my temper.
It's easier said than done, you have to dig down, just look under the iceberg to find the reason.
When we trace the source of external behavior patterns, we find that the decisive factors are all internal.
Why do you live such a life today, and have such a parent-child relationship, an intimate relationship?
Why do you always sleep badly, always have a headache, and always feel nervous?
Tracing back to the source, it is determined from within, your way of thinking, your goals, your state, your cognitive ......
The outside is the effect, and the inside is the cause.
Only when your inner self changes, your way of thinking, your cognitive concepts, and your state of life change, will your behavior pattern change, and the final result will change.
Therefore, growth is not a straight line, but we need to dig deep into the bottom, we need to sink to the bottom, and then surface.
Hailan Happy Home is to help everyone change from the root, teach everyone to change the part under the water, and fundamentally and truly change.
So, in the process of changing one's inner self, what can mindfulness self-care help everyone?
The first is to stop self-consumption and start self-empowerment.
As mentioned earlier, many people especially like to shoot arrows for themselves, and in the dead of night, they begin to have internal friction, thinking that they didn't say good today, didn't do a good job, regretted the past, and worried about the future, right?
Self-care allows us to pause, be aware, and respond tenderly with love and kindness.
We no longer continue the vicious circle of non-stop internal friction, and begin to find resources for ourselves in the bits and pieces of life, in every flower and tree.
Life began to have colors, tastes, sounds, melodies, and movements, and the world changed from black and white to color, our hearts came alive, and our lives became beautiful.
Second, stop being a victim and empower yourself.
Many people will have a victim mentality, always feeling that they have been hurt by others, rejected by others, abandoned by others, and their hearts are always circling: xxx is sorry for me, xxx hurt me, I am a hurt person.
Self-care gives us self-empowerment and the right to take back our lives
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent;
No one can make you angry without your consent.
All the emotions that hurt you are allowed by you, because you agree with the judgment of others, and emotions can hurt you.
Self-care can help you build a vajra hood where you don't need to be a passive victim.
You can decide what you look like and how you see yourself, and it's up to you to decide, which is called self-empowerment.
Third, stop being a beggar and take responsibility for yourself.
Since childhood, we have been exchanging our performance for love and seeing.
For example, if we behave well, my mother will buy me red leather shoes;
When we do well, the teacher rewards me;
We have to take good care of the family, and then they think I'm useful, and then they can't live without me.
If you say something good, you will be exchanged, and if you say something bad, you will be begging.
Self-careIt helps us to be self-responsible, and we don't need to beg anymore because we have enough;
I can generate the resources I need, I can boast about myself, I can know myself, I can love myself.
When I'm alone, the whole world is there.
How free a life can be self-empowered, self-empowered, and self-responsible!
I thought about it as I was!