Author丨Fish Dad**丨***Raising a boy (id: breedboy).
Too many parents feel that being a little stronger can force their children to be confident and brave.
Therefore, it is common to see parents who hate iron but not steel pointing at their children's heads and scolding.
As everyone knows, the result is that the child becomes weaker and more bulliable.
That day, I took my son to play in the square.
As soon as he got there, he ran around to see if he could find a friend to play with.
Later, he found two boys playing with patchwork cars on a slide.
After playing for a while, another boy about 5 years old came over and asked, "Can I play with you?" ”
One of them, the boy in blue, said domineeringly: "No, this is our territory".
I want to play with you. ”
No, you go away".
The boy was gone, and his mother saw him dejected.
began to blame, "What's the matter?" Straighten your back! ”
They don't play with me. The child whispered.
Why do you always tell me that people don't play with you, why can't you find friends? ”
When he was in a hurry, he pointed his finger at the child's head, looking like he hated iron but not steel.
Do you think people out there will hold you like your grandma like a baby? ”
Why don't you go and tell them that you want to play with them. Why don't you say it?
Then she lowered her head and whispered in the child's ear to teach him to find a friend.
The child didn't squeak the whole time, just lowered his head and listened to his mother's lesson, and stood there motionless.
In the end, his mother, who was so anxious, gave him a multiple-choice question, "Do you choose to play, or do you want to go home now?" ”
The child hesitated for a moment, then ran to the group of children.
This time he was watching and playing, and it was good.
I could feel my mother's love for my son.
But her anxiety and indifference made the child suffer a scolding in vain.
I couldn't help it.
He said to her, "Actually, your kids just said to those kids, 'I want to play with you.'" But the two children did not agree. ”
She was surprised when she heard this, and thought that the child was wrong.
Because she scolded the child because she felt that the child was timid and didn't dare to speak, and wanted to force him to be brave.
At the moment of criticism, the wronged child often does not know how to defend himself.
On the contrary, it made his mother feel that he was timid and weak.
And such a strong love from a mother will only make the child really slide into a weak and timid one.
The stronger the parents, the weaker the children are.
Be sure to treat your child with respect and treat him as a whole individual. When it comes to respect, many parents will say that I have always respected my children. But when you're in a bad mood, can you talk well and respect your child? There is a saying that parents are furious with their children, but because he is weak and can be bullied! Indeed, there are many children who unknowingly become the punching bag of their parents.
In psychology, there is a "kick cat effect", the story is that the chairman of a company is so obsessed with reading the newspaper at home that he forgets the time, in order not to be late, he is speeding on the highway, and as a result, he is fined by the police, and finally misses the time. The old director was so angry that when he returned to the office, in order to divert the attention of others, he called the sales manager to the office and reprimanded him. After the sales manager was trained, he walked out of Lao Dong's office in a hurry, and deliberately looked for the operator's stubble. The operator returned home dejected, furious at his son. After the son was inexplicably reprimanded by his father, he was also very annoyed, so he kicked his own cat hard.As a result, the cat becomes the victim at the very end of this "anger transmission chain". In life, weak children often become the cat at the tail end. If the child has been abused by the bad mood of the parents for a long time. It will make him have the same emotions, and in the end, it will affect the formation of his character. Under such upbringing, children often become irritable, suspicious, and insecure. Many times, in the name of "disciplining the child", we vent on the child what we don't like or don't like to see, and the beautiful name is "good for him", but we hurt the child. Mr. Ye Shengtao once wrote a passage in the article, he imitated his daughter's tone and said:
"No matter what kind of food it is, when you are happy, it is sticky and difficult to digest, and it is the same as feeding cats and dogs, and you don't give us the nutrients we need, and you don't think it's interesting. Whether it's clothes or when you think you can decorate children, it's cumbersome and cumbersome, what we need is light, warm and comfortable clothes, you don't give them, you don't like them. If you like to gamble, give us a deck of cards and tell us to go on like this, and that's the toy you give. ”Love without respect is not the love that a child wants.
We often say that we should cultivate children's self-confidence, because confident children have more courage to face difficulties. And one of the child's self-confidence** is a sense of self-identity. What if the child denies himself, and there is a soil for self-confidence to take root? In the early years of growth, the trust of parents will build a foundation for children's self-confidence. It doesn't matter if the child is criticized or denied. Parents must stand by their children's side and give them trust and support. Instead of blaming the child's shortcomings with that strong tone and attitude, forcing the child to be confident and brave. I once saw a very touching story:
There is a mother who attends parent-teacher conferences every time. The kindergarten teacher would always complain to her: "Your child has ADHD and can't sit on the bench for 3 minutes." ”This mother's behavior is admirable, because she has never given up on her child. And gave the child trust and encouragement, not pointing his finger at the child's head and scolding the child for not being angry. The child is encouraged to go from one minute to three minutes, and the ranking is temporarily behind, telling the child to work hard. Most of our children have similar talents, but the reason why some children can become talents is probably inseparable from the trust and encouragement of their parents. Russell said, "It's not good to teach a child cruelty and fear, but someone who is passionate about these things himself won't teach him anything else." ”Parents who are Xi to controlling and blaming their children often teach their children to "control" and "blame". For example, some children like to control their friends, they can't negotiate, and they are very strong. Other children blame or complain when they don't cooperate. It is very difficult for such a child to fit in when he goes outside. Is it the child's fault? I don't think so, it's the adult's fault. Please listen to your children's voices and let our love be appropriate! Maybe you will say that if a child makes a mistake, he should also be encouraged and not disciplined? Of course, our children need the guidance of their parents to understand the boundaries. Let the child's behavior better integrate into the group and society. But the focus is on the attitude and method of discipline. Do you do it with anger, or with peaceful love? We often have to put ourselves in the child's shoes and listen to what the child wants to say: "You all seem to love me, and you can't wait to give me what you think is love and expectation, but in reality, we are two separate worlds." "On the road of raising children, put away strong love and give them the right amount of loveOn the way home, my son asked the teacher what he said, and her nose was so sore that she almost cried. "The teacher praised you and said that the baby couldn't sit on the bench for 1 minute, but now he can sit for 3 minutes. Other parents are especially envious of the mother, because only the baby in the class has improved. That night, the son ate two bowls of rice for the first time.
At the second parent-teacher meeting, the teacher said: "There are 50 students in the class, this time your son ranks 49th in mathematics, maybe the child's intelligence needs to be developed, it is recommended to go to the hospital for a check-up." On the way home, she cried.
When she returned home and saw her frightened son, she cheered up: "The teacher is full of confidence in you, you are not a stupid child, just work hard!" As she said these words, she noticed that her son's dim eyes suddenly lit up.
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