I'm 43 years old, and I feel like I've lived the first half of my life in vain
Why do you suddenly think so, last night I chatted with my husband while drinking, talking about the past and the present, and suddenly felt that the first half of my life was really sad.
1. When I was studying, I had never been in love, and at that time, I was very sensible, thinking that going to school and falling in love was a waste of time, and I couldn't go to the end. I have a clear goal, that is, I want to study hard and go to university.
When I was in high school, there were boys chasing me, but I didn't like them, and the more I chased them, the more I felt disgusting with them, the more disgusted I was with them, and the more I didn't want to pay attention to them. If you don't pierce the window paper, you can still be a classmate. I pierced the window paper, and I couldn't even make a friend.
2. At the most beautiful age, I had a face of acne. When I was in high school, I was an adolescent, the collagen on my face was very rich, I was not ugly, with a high nose bridge, double eyelids, and big eyes flickering. But I'm oily** and have acne on my face, which greatly detracts from my image.
3. Originally, my high school grades were quite good, but our family had many children, my parents gave birth to 5 children, they were patriarchal in their bones, I was the second, and there was an elder brother who was deaf and mute, and the burden on the family was very heavy, so my mother scolded me every day and didn't let me study. As soon as I came back on the weekend, she kept scolding me, and she wanted to scold me to despair. Later, in a fit of rage, I dropped out of school. Not taking the college entrance examination is a regret in my life.
4. After dropping out of school, I went to work and met my ex-husband, who was an alcoholic, drank heavily every day, drank several times and was seriously poisoned by alcohol, unconscious, and was urgently sent to the hospital for rescue. Drink a glass early in the morning every day, and after drinking, you can't stand on your feet, and lie in bed and curse. At that time, we opened a grocery store, and there was a bed in it, and he lay on the bed and scolded me until he foamed at the mouth. There was no bathroom in it, and he drank alcohol and couldn't walk, so he defecated in the house. Later, I divorced him in a fit of rage. Such a man, who can't earn a penny, and scolds his wife, I don't want you to be angry.
5. After the divorce, I came to Shanghai alone and did all kinds of jobs, waiter, handyman, and then I learned Xi computer and found a job as a clerk, which was a little easier, but the salary was not much. Through hard work, I also seized an opportunity to engage in network promotion work, and the salary reached 5 figures. Now in addition to doing my job, I also work part-time. The income from ** is also 100,000 yuan per year.
The past is unbearable, I just briefly talked about the first half of my life, the hardships I have endured, the tears I have shed, more details, more sorrows, I can't bear to look back, and I will talk about tears too much.
I don't like to reminisce about the past, and I don't like to uncover the scars of the past. Some things can be clicked on.
When the water is full, it overflows, and when the moon is full, it loses. Life is not really complete, the first half of life feels like a failure, and the second half of life will definitely be very happy.
It has been said that everything in the world is fair. In life, everyone will be given two fruits, some people will eat the sweet fruit first, and some people will eat the bitter fruit first.
I think it's time for me to eat sweet fruits.