What should I do with you?
In psychology, there is a "disappointment effect", which refers to the disappointment and frustration of people who have high expectations for something and fail to achieve the desired results.
For example, parents set high expectations for their children regardless of their actual situation, and once they do not meet the expected requirements. Not only do parents indiscriminately criticize and educate their children;Even the children themselves can feel frustrated and even give up on themselves.
This leads to a series of parent-child conflicts and contradictions, but the bad thing is that the parent-child conflict is not terrible, the terrible thing is that the conflict occurs without moderation and ends in the child's helplessness, compromise, and despair!
Case Studies. Consulted: The child's mother.
Child's gender: Girl.
Child's age: 14 years old.
Counselor: Sophie.
Introduction: The girl was in early love and depressed, and her grades in school and Xi dropped sharply, and her parents were furious and scolded the girl for not being honest.
The already discordant parent-child relationship has also become more rigid, and the girl has begun to turn a blind eye to her parents, refusing to communicate with them, and even hating hostile parents.
I don't know why my well-behaved and lovely daughter would do such an outrageous thingMy daughter's grades are very good, but now she is broken and broken, and she can't listen to anyone. Sophie, I've tried everythingI really don't know what to do now?
This is what the girl's mother said when she communicated with Sophie, a teacher of Kyushu Jinbang Family Education, for the first time, and the anxiety and uneasiness of the mother in ** made people smell sad.
When the girl's early love was discovered by her parents, the husband and wife were extremely shocked, in their eyes, their daughter was well-behaved and sensible, excellent in character and learning, and they never thought that their daughter would be so rebellious, let alone that their daughter would hate them for this.
In order to completely cut off contact between the daughter and the other party, the parents and the child's teacher put pressure on the girl, and even threatened the daughter to let the school report the criticism of the boy if she still had contact with the other party.
The girl's hard-line attitude made the girl both frightened and angry, and although she severed contact with the boy, it also buried the hidden danger of parent-child discord, and the girl began to be hostile to her parents, and her attitude towards Xi school became more and more negative, and her grades dropped significantly.
Fortunately, after being introduced by others, the child's mother found Sophie, a teacher from Kyushu Jinbang Family Education, and the girl's hostility towards her parents was relieved, and she realized the harm and adverse effects of early love, and corrected her attitude towards Xi school.
Now the girl is going all out to prepare for the high school entrance examination and is determined to be admitted to the city's key high school.
Our daughter's abnormality made us panic.
The following is a first-person statement from my mother, and I agree to it).
My daughter has always been well-behaved and sensible, and her father and I are usually busy with work and rarely spend time with our children in our daily lives, especially not much time to take care of my younger brother.
My daughter has been very self-reliant since she was a child, and she has taken on the responsibility of taking care of her younger brother, as well as the daily cooking and cleaning duties, and we are very pleased with the child's sensibility.
Although my father and I are busy with work, we never relax in our children's education, especially for our daughter. Her daughter's grades have been excellent since she was a child, and she is a proper child of other people's families, her teachers love her, her classmates regard her as a role model for her Xi, and other parents also praise their children again and again.
But after junior high school, we found that the children began to have some abnormalities, and they had always been obedient to our teachings in the past. But after junior high school, the children actually learned to contradict, and sometimes when the temper came up, they directly put on a face for us, shut us out, and ignored our words.
Her father and I were very angry about the child's rebellion, and after that, the discipline of the child became even stricter, but things were always unexpected.
One day after dinner, the child said that she was going back to her room to do her homework, and looking at the child who had returned to her old self-disciplined life, her father and I were still thinking, "Look!".The child has to be strictly disciplined."
But when I gave her something, I found that the child was not only doing his homework, but also holding his mobile phone and giggling. My anger erupted instantly, snatched the phone, and when I saw the child's chat history, I was even more angry and trembling all over.
The child was in early love, and called each other baby, and after her father found out, he was angry and scolded the child, and that was also the first time her father beat her.
After this incident, I gradually noticed that the child began to be different, whether it was Xi attitude towards learning or emotional state, it became negative.
The child's teacher also called me to reflect that the child's Xi attitude is very perfunctory, he often wanders in class, and his homework is also dealt with casually, especially in a recent exam, and his grades have dropped significantly.
Not surprisingly, when the child came home in the evening, her father and I were very angry with her, but what we didn't expect was that the child suddenly cried at us"I've already obeyed you, what do you want me to do, are you trying to force me to death?”
Her dad and I were stunned by the child's sudden outburst.
Since then, the child's emotional state has become more and more unstable, and it will explode at one point every time. Almost every day, they confronted us and lost their temper.
We thought that the child's rebellious period of youth would calm down after a while, but what happened after that, my father and I were caught off guard by the beating.
My daughter's temperament began to become silent, and when she got home, she locked herself in the house, did not communicate with us, and did not allow us to enter.
His father and I were angry and worried about the change in our daughter, especially when we heard that our daughter's words were full of suicidal thoughts, we realized the seriousness of the matter.
We don't know what's wrong with the kidsHowever, we know that if we do not correct our children in time, we will only get farther and farther away from them.
After that, we started the road of healing, took our daughter to the hospital, and also took her to see a psychiatrist, but after a period of intervention and healing, my daughter's condition did not improve at all, and sometimes she even yelled at the doctor in an extreme way.
Teacher Sophie analyzes the reasons behind the children.
Just when we were in despair, we met Sophie, a teacher from Kyushu Jinbang Family Education, and after Ms. Su's analysis and guidance, we suddenly understood.
It turns out that our high requirements and strict tutoring atmosphere affect the child's inner feelings, causing the child to accumulate a lot of negative emotions.
We have been asking our children to do well since they were young, and as a result, we have caused a lot of mental burden on our children and even psychological disorders.
We love our child and love her excellent grades.
We have been very demanding of our daughter since childhood, and in elementary school, our attention was focused on his Xi. From childhood to adulthood, we instilled in her that knowledge determines destiny and achievement determines success or failure.
As long as it is related to the Xi, I treat it strictly, large and small exams, daily homework, are under my supervision, not allowed to play with mobile phones, not allowed to watch TV, and even on weekends when homework is not completed, children are not allowed to go out for leisure and entertainment.
Although the child tried hard to do what we asked, he still couldn't escape our dissatisfaction and blame.
Teacher Sophie said
We pay too much attention to grades, whether our children save face, and whether our children disappoint us, but we don't pay attention to our children's lives and don't care about their feelings.
As a result, the child has a negative mentality of "worthlessness" under great psychological pressure. Every time his grades drop, the child will feel ashamed of his parents and feel that he is worthless. However, we even indiscriminately accused her of being ashamed of our upbringing.
Puppy love is a sign of dissatisfaction that children release to us.
Our education for our children is mainly criticism and criticism.
When your child's grades improve, we will remind her not to be complacent, that there is still room for improvement in her grades, and that she should continue to work hardWhen the grades are not satisfactory, they will abuse the child for not being motivated and not doing his work.
Teacher Sophie told us: "The most essential requirement of human beings is the desire for affirmation and recognition."
Each child's perception of herself depends to a large extent on her parents' evaluation of her, and the recognition and affirmation of parents is one of the most needed nutrients for children in the process of growth.
Our dissatisfaction and our denial are always in the hearts of our children, coupled with our unrealistic high standards and high requirements, which finally make the child's mentality collapse, and the suffocating family atmosphere causes the child to look for spiritual solace.
We grew up with our daughter.
Under the patient and meticulous guidance of Ms. Sophie, the child's father and I realized the problem and began to change our education methods. According to Sophie's method, we learned how to get along with children correctly, enlighten children to view love correctly, and how to get out of emotional distress.
Love children not on the condition of grades.
Teacher Sophie said: "A lot of bad emotions in children come from their parents' unrealistically high requirements for their grades, and everything is measured by grades."
Parents' attitudes towards grades determine the quality of the parent-child relationship and the physical and mental development of their children.
Following Sophie's suggestion, the child's father and I conducted a deep self-examination of the child, admitted the previous mistakes to the child, and suggested that the child monitor our attitude.
When the child heard our sincere apology, the long-suppressed emotions were finally released, and he burst into tears when he watched us.
Adhere to positive education and provide more encouragement and support.
Teacher Sophie told us: "What parents let their children win at the starting line is love, tolerance, and understanding."
Under the guidance of Ms. Sophie, we realized the wrong communication methods such as preaching, commanding, and blaming, and began to change our usual communication Xi with children.
No longer complain that the child does not work hard and carelessly, learn to listen to the child's opinion, allow the child to have his own little emotions, and allow the child to make mistakes.
Sure enough, after a while, the child put down the armor in his heart and began to take the initiative to open his heart to communicate with us.
Nowadays, the child has a correct attitude towards learning Xi and has made a Xi plan for himself, and the teacher also reported that the child's condition is very good. Surprisingly, the child was admitted to the fourth-ranked public high school in the city.
Kyushu Gold List Family Education Has Something to Say.
Facts have proved that the stricter the parental control and the higher the expectations, the greater the probability of getting out of control in the future.
Understanding and respecting children's choices, opening and effective communication channels, and accepting and respecting each other's differences are the keys to maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship.
*For the network**, please inform us to delete the infringement).