99 percent of people don't know the impact of scolding education on children
Recently, a ** on the Internet has attracted widespread attention, ** content from the movie "Ordinary Men and Women".
* depicts a scene where a mother gives her son frequent "martial arts education":
Regardless of your child's test scores, they will be beaten if they are poorDisobedience is also a beating;Even if the child did not make a mistake, the mother would often mention the word "beaten".
Gradually, children also develop the Xi of using violence to solve problems when they get along with their peers. When someone asks, "Aren't you afraid of being blamed by your family when you do this?"Without hesitation, the child replied, "It's okay, it's just a beating anyway." ”
* The plot in is not uncommon in real life. Some parents think that they are making arbitrary decisions about their child's life and future out of the best intentions for their child's life, without any regard for their child's true thoughts. If a child resists at all, he or she will be beaten and abused.
These parents mistakenly believe that this kind of education can make their children better, but in fact it is only the beginning of the child's "sinking into the abyss".
Why do some parents choose to use violence to educate their children?
1.Influenced by the family of origin.
Have you ever felt that when you are criticizing a child, the scene suddenly feels very familiar? For example, the child accidentally broke the cup, and the mother scolded after seeing it: "You can't do such a thing well, you are stupid, and you will know to make trouble for me all day long." ”
After finishing speaking, I suddenly realized that this is not the scene where my mother scolded me after I accidentally broke something when I was a child?This reflects the influence of the education style of the family of origin on the child, forming a phenomenon of "I will be you when I grow up". When we were children, our parents' education more or less subconsciously affected the way we educate our children.
2.I want to stimulate my child with words.
Some parents try to stimulate their children with words in the hope that they will break bad Xi. For example, some parents blame their children for eating candy because they are worried about their teeth, hoping to change their candy eating behavior by cracking down. Similarly, some parents may try to stimulate their children to be more motivated. For example, on Mother's Day, a mother whose daughter bought her a large bouquet of flowers made her happy, thought it would make her mother happy, but she blamed her daughter for saving money to buy flowers, saying that she should use these thoughts on studying Xi. These examples reflect some parents' attempts to guide their children's behavior through verbal stimuli.
3.I don't think scolding education is bad.
Some parents are Xi using a blow method to educate their children because they believe that there is nothing wrong with this method and there is no bad influence on the child.
Only if you care about your child will you talk about him, otherwise I won't bother to care about him. "
We are actually knife-mouthed tofu hearts, and we still love him very much. "
We gave birth to him and raised him, and what happened to him in a few words?"
There are more people who have entered society to attack him, and now they can't listen to criticism and blows, what will they do in the future?"
How to properly educate children
In a speech, Ma Yun once said that in China, before a child is 18 years old, it is the parents who decide the fate of the child and the Xi of the child.
Therefore, we should strive to move from the stage of lessons to the stage of education, and provide children with the most suitable family of origin for growth.
Children should not be educated reflexively, but should learn some scientific parenting skills Xi apply the experience in work and interpersonal relationships to education.
1.Accept your child's imperfections.
In one interview, someone asked parents and children to rate each other.
The reporter asked the parents: If you were to rate your child, how many would you score?Many parents start by pointing out their children's shortcomings and then answer: 50, 60, 75, 90, ......
When the reporter asks the child: If you were to rate your mom and dad, how much would you rate?The children all proudly replied: 100 points!
Perfect. We are usually able to accept some shortcomings of strangers and even ourselves, but we cannot accept a little mistake of our children because we have too high expectations for them.
As parents, we need to learn to appreciate our children's strengths, accept their weaknesses, and help them develop their strengths and make up for their weaknesses.
2.Abandon violence.
Affected by environmental changes, genetics and other factors, compared with their predecessors, today's children are more psychologically sensitive, so the traditional stick education is no longer applicable today, and will only lead to a gap between children and parents.
When educating children, we should reject verbal violence. As the famous American psychologist Adele Faber said: "Never underestimate the impact of a parent's words on a child's life." Therefore, parents should refrain from verbal violence such as blows and verbal abuse.
3.Teach by example.
The best way to educate is to set an example, and if you want your child to follow the rules, then you yourself must first become a rule-abiding person. If you want your child to stay away from their phones, then you have to learn to lift the book yourself. Remember, parental teaching is always the most fundamental and effective way to educate family.
4.Seize the opportunity to educate.
I once met a mother and daughter on public transport, and the girl's sense of direction was very poor. As soon as the girl's mother got on the train, she began to blame the girl for not being able to distinguish between the east and the west, and also disgusted the girl for embarrassing her, and her voice was very loud, which attracted the attention of the entire carriage. The girl looked out the window in embarrassment, but her mother continued to accuse, asking the girl what direction was ahead, causing the girl to become more and more unclear.
Teach your child to be at the right time, to give your child respect, not to embarrass your child in public, and not to nag your child too much when he is eating.
5.Fact-based education.
In some families, some parents tend to turn over old accounts when educating their children, like to exaggerate things and blame problems on the child's character.
This phenomenon not only exists in parent-child education, but also occurs from time to time in husband and wife quarrels and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships.
We should avoid involving previous things because of one thing, nor should we deny our children's efforts because of a poor performance, let alone judge our children's character by this. When evaluating children, they should use the right way to guide them to look at themselves in the right light.