There is a phenomenon in psychology called "needle-threading psychology".
This means that the more you concentrate on threading the needle, the less likely it is to thread the thread into the pinhole.
Just like in life, what you want to get is not easy to get.
If you push too hard, it's not as good as it could be.
And the interaction between people is also the most taboo point.
The more dedicated you are, the less likely it is that the relationship will last long, especially in these three areas.
Partners love each other too hard and are easily separated.
As the saying goes, "It's easy to fall in love, but it's hard to stay together." ”
In fact, it is rare not to know and stay together, but how to get along with each other.
If you love too hard, it will put physical and mental stress on the other party.
This feeling of oppression can often be so exhausting that people want to escape.
Just like many years ago, a female friend named Meng Meng shared this story with me.
Meng Meng and her boyfriend Fang Jie have been in love since college, and they have known each other for four years. But after two years of work, they went their separate ways.
The reason is that I love too hard.
In the four years of college, the two of them have too little time to be together except for falling in love in their spare time. At that time, they were like two little light bulbs, illuminating each other's worlds.
After graduating, they decided to work in the same city. To reduce overhead, live together. But after a long time, Mengmeng found that she was more and more inseparable from each other.
Mengmeng's work is 9 to 5, he gets off work on time every day, and as soon as he gets home, he hopes that Fang Jie can get off work early to accompany him. But Fang Jie often travels and works overtime. Whenever this happens, she throws a tantrum. After a long time, Fang Jie was reluctant to explain too much.
Whenever this time, Mengmeng will spend nearly half a month's salary to buy gifts for Fang Jie to mend the relationship between the two people. Fang Jie was okay at first, but a year or two passed, and Xi's usual willfulness made him no longer want to bear it and proposed to break up.
It wasn't until many years later that Meng Meng understood: if one party loves too humblely, the other party will have a sense of suffocation.
It's like a sentence to describe it:
Love is like quicksand in your hand, the tighter you hold it, the faster it will drain. ”
If you love too much, you will become overly dependent and extreme, and you will easily lose each other.
Only love at the right time can form a tacit understanding with each other and make love grow old.
Friends get along too hard and are easy to walk away.
As the saying goes: "A soulmate through the ages is the hardest to find, and a confidant is rare in life." ”
It is important to cherish friendship, but only by getting along with each other can we cherish each other more.
Once you get along too hard, it is easy to lose proportion and make the friendship tasteless.
In "The First Half of My Life", Luo Zijun and Tang Jing are a pair of best friends, and the two talk about everything and know each other. But no one expected that such a good friend would be a stranger in the end.
Before the divorce, Luo Zijun dedicated everything to the family. For her, divorce meant losing everything. In those lonely days, it was Tang Jing's help that allowed her to get through one difficulty after another.
Tang Jinggan was Zijun's emotional trash can, asked for leave to accompany her to find a job, offered advice to help her and her ex-husband fight a lawsuit to win the child, and even asked her boyfriend He Han to come forward to help her best friend.
When she doesn't have time to spend with her best friend, Tang Jing will remotely control He Han at work to take care of each other.
Once, Luo Zijun couldn't withstand the blow of the marriage change and committed suicide by swallowing a large number of pills. In order to prevent her from hurting herself again, Tang Jing actually asked He Han to accompany her at Luo Zijun's house.
Later, similar things happened one after another, and He Han's interactions with Luo Zijun became more and more frequent.
When work doesn't go well, He Han will appear in her life and enlighten her;
When changing jobs, He Han instructed her on how to answer every question from the interviewer
Later, Luo Zijun moved, and his son did not adapt to the environment of his new home, but He Han came forward and assembled a bumblebee with his own hands in exchange for the child's happiness.
He Han and Luo Zijun got closer and closer, but they got farther and farther away from Tang Jing. So much so that in the end, He Han abandoned Tang Jing and confessed to Luo Zijun.
Hear a metaphor that's just right:
Relationships between friends are like knitting sweaters. If the needle and thread are knitted too loosely, the sweater will not be easy to form;If knitted too tightly, the sweater will easily become breathable. ”
Friends get along, no matter how good the relationship is, you can't try too hard;Once the line is crossed, a good thing can also turn into a disaster.
Only by keeping each other's sense of proportion and not over-dedicating enthusiasm can the friendship between each other last forever.
Relatives come and go too hard, and it is easy to consume.
As the old saying goes, "Blood is thicker than water." ”
Between relatives, even if they are separated by thousands of mountains and rivers, they will feel very cordial.
However, when it comes to dating, relationships are the most difficult to grasp.
Because some relatives will be grateful for your help;And some people take it for granted.
Once you don't help him, he will label you as "unkind".
It's like a story shared by a former colleague that leaves people speechless.
My colleague's husband is an executive of a large private enterprise, and his words in the company carry a lot of weight. It stands to reason that with such a background, it is not difficult to arrange a job for a relative. However, he helped people to do things, but he was pointed at.
After learning the ins and outs of the matter, I realized that it was not that my colleagues were impersonal, but that they were helping people too hard.
Last year, my colleague's aunt came to her door and asked her to arrange a job for her child, and the colleague was always available to help. So, let my husband see if the company has a suitable opportunity.
Although her husband is in a high position, the company is the most taboo to install cronies. In order to help relatives, my husband still made a lot of connections and arranged a relaxed and stable job.
After this incident was known to his relatives, they all praised him, not only because he was good-looking, but also so capable. But the troubles that followed were one after another.
Either a relative is sent to the hospital** today, or a junior is about to graduate and let him rent a house. Until recently, two children in my colleague's family were sick and couldn't cope with it, so they made excuses to refuse.
But this refusal turned his former reputation into infamy, which is really difficult to distinguish.
Bi Shumin once said:
If we don't say no at all times, we won't hurt others. But we hurt someone who is closer to us, and that is ourselves. ”
Helping others is love. But if there is no scale, it will let the other party gain an inch, and in the end, it will drag itself down.
Relatives should be moderate, and don't let your kindness pay the wrong person. Only by knowing how to refuse can you free yourself from consumption.
You really don't have to work too hard to maintain a long-lasting relationship.
As the saying goes:
Short-term overexertion can easily cause physical and psychological contusions;And the real masters rely on just the right amount of investment. ”
In the sea of life, meeting is a kind of luck, and getting along is a kind of fate.
People get along with each other, and if you work too hard, you won't go far after all.
And a good relationship is to make lovers get along comfortably, make friends appropriate, and let relatives stop in moderation.
You don't have to be too deliberate in everything to make the companionship longer.
For the rest of our lives, may we all be self-consistent, and cross ourselves and others.