The child's academic Xi grades have not been improved, and the parents also think that they have tried everything they can, is it that "children are not born to learn Xi that piece of material"?
However, does the child really not love to Xi, or does the parents think that he does not love to Xi?
What we want our child to learn, is it what he wants to learn?
Is the way we guide our children to learn Xi really effective?
Some children are short-tempered and crying, and parents will think that "the child has a bad personality";But some parents will think that there may be a grumpy ** at home, who infects their children with this emotional processing;Or because parents do not pay enough attention to their children's needs and do not meet them enough, the children are always in a state of anger and dissatisfaction. That's the difference in attribution.
Basic "attribution" errors
Parents attribute the problem to their children, or to something that does not directly lead to the result, which is called the basic "attribution" error in psychology, and it is a common mistake that people make when "looking for explanations".
Self-interest bias
Among the basic attribution errors, there is an interesting phenomenon called "self-interest bias". To put it simply: if things are satisfying, that's what I'm doing;If things don't work out to their satisfaction, it must be someone else's fault.
In the context of parenting and family education, a typical manifestation of "self-interest bias" is: if my child is great, it is that I have educated well;If the child is not good enough, it means that the child was born this way, or that someone else in the family has taught the child badly, or that the environment (such as computer games) has brought the child to a bad place.
The secret of "attribution".
Weiner mentions an important dimension in the achievement attribution theory - the point of control. He believes that factors such as effort, attention, and help from others are controlled by personal will and are controllable factorsFactors such as intelligence, ability, luck, and mood are not controlled by human will, and are uncontrollable factors.
As parents, we need to help our children as much as possible to attribute their difficulties to controllable factors. Correct attribution is conducive to stimulating children's learning and Xi potential, and children are likely to change and make progress.
On the contrary, if we attribute all the difficulties we encounter to uncontrollable factors, the impact on the child's academic performance will also be negative, and the child is very likely to lose confidence and expectation in the Xi of learning, and think that what he can do is very limited, or even stop.
How to actively "attribute".
Don't deny your child's abilities
Children's abilities should not be overly praised, but parents should not blindly deny their children's abilities!Children should be made to realize that their abilities are not much different from ordinary people, and that failure is only caused by internal and external factors such as hard work and luck, not that there is a disparity between ability and others, so as to avoid children being frustrated and unable to get back on their feet.
Praise your child's efforts
If the child has worked hard, parents should praise the child's hard work, strengthen the child's positive impression of the effort, and let them know that success is not only hard-won, but also recognized and praised by parents. Praise will make children more willing to work hard to complete difficult tasks.
Encourage your child to work on the right side
If the child usually does not know how to work hard, it is necessary for parents to encourage the child to know that he can get what he wants through his own efforts;If the child is unwilling to work hard, often slacks off or gives up on himself, he will only get farther and farther away from success, and parents should guide him with encouragement and let the child try to achieve the goal through hard work.
Circumvent preset tendencies
When we want to find a way to explain the "problem" in our child, we first abandon all the preconceived tendencies: it must be the child's problem, it must be someone else's problem, and it must be the child's problem that causes the problem. In fact, parents should give priority to situational factors and find reasons from the parents themselves and family education.
Parents learn to be wary of their basic "attribution" mistakes, so that they can find the exact cause of those so-called "problems" and have the possibility of solving them, so as to avoid their children becoming "back-stabbers", but to grow into confident, independent and responsible people!
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