A college classmate told me about a recent dispute with her boyfriend over wedding arrangements. At first, it was just an accumulation of trivial things, but it eventually broke out over the issue of buying a wedding dress and became the fuse of their quarrel.
In this three-year relationship, almost all decisions were made by the two of them, but in the end, they were often implemented according to the wishes of their boyfriends. Even if they paid for the house together, the decoration and decoration of the new house were completely according to her boyfriend's preferences, causing her to feel unbalanced. The boyfriend even gave up the cloakroom that had been promised to her for his own playroom. Although she compromised on these, the dissatisfaction in her heart grew more and more, and finally exploded when choosing a wedding dress.
Initially, her boyfriend suggested that she rent a wedding dress, but she insisted on buying a custom wedding dress, **more than 20,000 yuan. Although her boyfriend disagreed that it was too wasteful to wear it only once, he paid a deposit to satisfy her preferences. After her boyfriend found out afterwards, an argument broke out between the two, and her boyfriend felt that she was not obedient enough. After this, her boyfriend even complained to her mother, making her mother feel that she was a little ignorant this time.
She asked me if she was really ignorant of human nature. Faced with this question, I felt a little speechless. If I were in the middle of it, I might say, "You always ask me to be sensible, so why are you not sensible?".”
When we were growing up, being sensible was a must for almost everyone. From childhood to adulthood, we are instilled to be obedient and sensible, and to listen to our parents, elders, teachers, and leaders. However, when we habitually satisfy the other person in our interpersonal interactions and ignore our own inner feelings, it is easy to become the passive compromising party. For a long time, we have been accustomed to being submissive, but as soon as we show a little assertiveness, we are labeled as "ignorant".
People who are too sensible often make people feel distressed and feel like they are still like children. In interpersonal interactions as adults, we need to pay more attention to our feelings and be brave enough to express our needs. True sensibility is not to blindly accommodate others, but to know how to listen to your inner voice and express your own demands bravely. Not expressing, not caring about your feelings, can end up causing others to not care about you either.
Life is full of difficulties, and things often don't go our way. There have been times when we may have been forced to compromise because we are sensible, but we can minimize this helplessness. Financial independence and self-awareness are indispensable, not only in words, but also in order to leave an economic foundation for ourselves, so that we can have the right to be ignorant. As Lucy Liu said, the essence of anything is business, and only with an economic foundation can you live more freely, without having to be tied to what you don't want to do. Give yourself the ability to make more choices, and don't let others define whether you are sensible or not, because ignorance does not mean a lack of humanity. In any relationship, it is necessary to have common ground while reserving differences and mutual respect in order to be long-lasting.
In addition, we need to realize as adults that excessive understanding is not a virtue. In relationships, we should not only focus on satisfying the other person, but should pay more attention to our own feelings. This is not selfishness, but a sign of self-preservation and self-care. Taking responsibility for your own needs is how you can better support and care for others.
For those who always emphasize that others need to be sensible, we must also learn to protect our own bottom line. Don't let them define whether you are sensible or not, because true sensibility should balance the needs of both parties, rather than blindly pandering to others. Instead of focusing on making the other person like you, think about whether you like the other person and whether you are willing to get along with the other person. The relationship is mutual, not a one-sided concession.
In this process, true sensibility is to know how to listen to your inner voice and insist on expressing your own thoughts. It is also an awakening of self-consciousness and responsibility for one's own emotions. If we are silent and do not care about our own feelings, it will be difficult for others to appreciate our needs and emotions. In order for your existence to be recognized, you first need to be responsible for yourself.
Life is full of challenges and difficulties, and it is far from being as ideal as we imagined. However, we have the ability to become stronger and more autonomous in the process. Economic independence is an important force that not only gives us freedom of choice, but also gives us more equality in our relationships. Don't easily let yourself fall into a state of passivity and helplessness, dare to fight for your rights and interests, and strive for a better life.
In general, sensibility is not absolute pandering and obedience, but being responsible for oneself and others on the basis of equal respect. We need to gradually get rid of excessive conformity as we grow up, and be brave enough to express our true thoughts to make our lives more fulfilling and meaningful. Don't be defined by others, be brave enough to pursue your own happiness and fulfillment.