Continuing from the previous part (click to view "How Children Learn" Reading and Sharing 1 - The Terrible Two Years Old, Parents Become Micquainous Pigs), our broccoli experiments show that 14-month-old babies seem to think that their own desires are the same as the wills of others, and they do not begin to understand individual differences in desires until they are about 18 months old.
The scary thing is that two-year-olds seem to be systematically exploring this idea, and it could be said that they are conducting an experimental research project, where toddlers are systematically testing the dimensions of conflict between their own and others' desires. The reason why they cast a solemn look at you is because they are genuinely interested in you and your reaction, not in the lamp wire itself. If a child is a growing psychologist, then we parents are the guinea pigs they use for experiments.
These toddlers aren't trying to break us down, they're just trying to understand what we're all about, and it might be comforting to know that. The confrontation of the two-year-old child ended with a rebuke from the parents, who saw that the tears shed after the adults were angry were real.
The "terrible two-year-old" phenomenon reflects the real conflict between a child's desire to understand the needs of others and the need to live a happy life with others. Experimenting with conflict may be necessary if you want to understand what people do, but it is also dangerous. The scary two-year-old shows how strong and ingrained the internal drive to learn can be.
Whether it's a two-year-old or a scientist, finding the truth isn't just a job, it's a passion. And, like scientists, this passion can sometimes lead them to sacrifice their family's happiness.
There is a more positive side to the new discoveries about people in two-year-olds. One day, Allison leaves the lab and returns home, in a state of despair that is familiar to all working parents. She found out that she was a terrible researcher and had a ** paper rejected by a journal;She was also a failed teacher, and a student got into an argument with her over grades;When she got home, she found out that she was a failed mother, and the chicken thighs that were to be burned for dinner had not yet thawed. Like all wonderful, strong professional women in the same situation, she collapsed on the couch and wept bitterly. Her son, who was not yet two years old at the time, looked worried about his mother, and after a moment of thought, ran to the bathroom. When he came back, he was holding a large box of Band-Aids, and then took out the Band-Aids and randomly put them on his mother's body, covering his whole body.
Apparently, he felt that his mother's injuries would require many band-aids to heal. Like many ** teachers, his diagnosis was wrong, but ** the effect was very good. Mom stopped crying.
It's a touching story of a very cute child, and Allison is happy to tell it in that way. Systematic studies have shown that two-year-olds demonstrate empathy to others for the first time, and children as young as 18 months old and younger can feel upset by the pain of others. We've all seen the heart-wrenching scene of two people arguing at the beginning, and the baby suddenly crying. But only a two-year-old knows how to provide comfort. They don't just feel your pain, they try to alleviate it. The two-year-old monster is also a two-year-old guardian angel.
This empathy requires the same complex understanding of others as we see in two-year-olds. To be truly empathetic, you have to understand how others feel and know what to do to make them feel better, even if you don't feel that way yourself. You have to know that even though you don't need a band-aid yourself, another person does, just like you don't like broccoli yourself, but you know that someone else wants it, or even though you seem to like the lamp wire, they want you to stay away from it.
True empathy is not just about knowing that others feel the same way as you, but also about still caring for each other even if they think differently. Babies don't be born with this profound moral insight, but by the time they're two years old, they do.