The best books on the market about 'how to educate children' are dazzling, but there are really few parents who can Xi the content of the book with a sense of curiosity.
Parents are more willing to continue to act on their children in the same way that they have been taught in the same way.
Or just look at the so-called expert guidance on TV, and temporarily use a trick and a half to test the authenticity.
If you want to do anything well, if you don't have sufficient preparation, serious study Xi will most likely make the person doing it give up halfway, or with a perfunctory mood, want to end it quickly.
In the era of scarce resources, food and clothing are already the greatest blessings, and how can we have the energy to cultivate children's all-round development?
At most, it is to tell the child to be an honest and good person.
But now there are expectations for children, there are compulsions, pressure, comparisons, opportunistic shortcuts, less investment in children, and more returns.
When the child does not reach the passing mark in the hearts of the parents, the farce at home is like chickens flying and dogs jumping - the children are crying and the adults are hysterical.
I wish my parents had read this book", written by British author Philippa Perry, is the top seller of the Sunday Times, and has been authorized to stay at the top of the tutoring book list in 31 countries and regions including Germany and France.
The book is not very long, and while parents may be offended by some of the author's unkind expressions, it does help parents become better parents.
After reading the book, you may really feel the same way as the German poet Wilhelm Busch:
It's easy to be a parent, but it's hard to be a parent.
When you get angry or show too much emotion with your child, it's because you have to protect yourself in that way so that you don't feel the feelings you experience at your child's age.
You don't realize that your child's behavior may trigger past feelings of hopelessness, longing, loneliness, jealousy, or lack of confidence.
So, unconsciously, you've picked a simple approach: instead of trying to understand your child's feelings, you just go crazy, or fall into frustration, or start panicking.
My cousin still wets the bed until he was 7 years old, and my aunt reprimanded him every time while washing the sheets.
Even his sister, who is two years younger than him, will touch her face and laugh at him: his brother is not ashamed.
Later, my cousin had a child, and as long as the child wetted the bed, he would angrily spank the child's buttocks.
The moment he saw the child wetting the bed, the 'shame' brought about by his own ugliness came spontaneously.
He knew that it was not the child's fault, but he couldn't suppress the fire in his heart. This anger is 'reasonable' to vent with children.
The author of the book says: This bad feeling is not triggered by the child, but the past experience evokes your memory, and the memory causes the feeling.
Parents desperately want their children to avoid all the bad things they have ever encountered, so they lose their temper and even beat and scold their children, in the name of "let you remember it for a long time".
It is true that parents feel comfortable venting, but who should take care of their children's feelings?
In a way, a child's feelings need more attention than an adult's.
Because they are still in the immature stage of exploration, they need to understand in the guidance of their parents: what can and can't be done.
A parent once asked me if apologizing to my child would have any negative effect. "If your child finds out that you are not always right, will they feel insecure," she says"I can say with certainty: no!Children need their parents to be authentic and trustworthy, not perfect.
Some parents think that they are the authority in the family, and even if they are wrong, they cannot be questioned.
Some parents secretly know that they are wrong, but they can't pull their faces down to apologize to their children.
Parents always teach their children to admit their mistakes when they do something wrong, but when it's their turn, it's really hard to say 'I'm sorry'.
I once read a letter from a mother to her daughter, and I was always moved
Daughter, if there is anything that my mother has done wrong, please forgive me. After all, I'm a first-time mom, and you're a first-time daughter.
The first time you do something, it's always understandable that something doesn't go your way up.
Apologizing means that you really realize your mistakes and don't want to have misunderstandings, let alone hurt each other, which ultimately leads to a breakdown in the relationship.
Parents take the initiative to apologize, in addition to expressing apologies, more to convey to their children: no one is perfect.
That's how I taught you, and that's what I did.
This is true for everyone, whether it's a child or **.
We don't need to be ** when we feel bad, all we want is someone to empathize with and not be dealt with as a problem, we want someone to understand our feelings so that we don't fall into isolation.
When children are frustrated by teachers' criticism, when they are far away from individual classmates in the class, when they are misunderstood by good friends, and when they feel Xi pressure to study, they ......
When children are faced with every bad feeling, they are not in a hurry to get advice from their parents, nor are they able to deal with things immediately.
What they need more is for their parents to pay attention to their negative emotions, and they need some intimate actions such as touching their heads and hugging them to show their understanding and support.
These simple intimate gestures may be better than words to make the child feel safe and empowered, and will also relieve the tension and anxiety of that moment.
Parents are sometimes good at analyzing the pros and cons of things for their children as people who have come before.
But there are not a few people who understand the truth, but they still have a bad life.
The fragility of adults being overwhelmed by a straw abounds, so why expect a child to grow up quickly?
At this moment, at the moment, the child just wants to lean in the arms of his parents, and that is his whole world.
18 words maximum).
What is the appropriate scale for disciplining children?If there are three main ways to discipline a child's behavior: strict, relaxed, and cooperative. Parents, which one will you choose?
Strict discipline is probably the most common option.
As the old Chinese saying goes: A strict teacher produces a high apprentice.
So, there's always nothing wrong with being strict.
But the author of this book says that strict discipline is the imposition of the will of adults on children.
If it is just to be demanding of their children, some parents will even impose their own unattainable goals or desires on their children.
No one wants to be forced to do something, and besides, children are not machines in a factory, they can improve and improve, and make adjustments exactly according to the needs of production.
Every child has his own feelings, rhythm and route of growth, and parents just need to make sure that he is on the right path.
Since strictness is not appropriate, then discipline loosely and create an environment for children without restrictions.
This may indicate that you have been disciplined strictly, so you are afraid of disappointment and will not talk to your child about any standards and expectations.
Of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing for immature children.
In this case, it is better to abandon the two extremes and adopt a proven way - cooperation.
Great mothers, remember your first collaboration with your child?
Conceived in October, born once you give birth – you do your best to get your baby to the ground, and that's the first time you've worked together.
As children grow up, parent-child cooperation makes parents more like kind guides rather than rulers who call the shots.
Cooperation, so that parents and children can understand each other, help each other, and rely on each other.
About the child's tantrums, the child's crying, and abnormal puberty, the author has described it in detail in the following chapters, so I won't go into details. If you are interested, you can check out this book.
After reading the whole book, I still can't help but sigh with emotion: It's easy to be a parent, but it's hard to be a parent!