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Pingping, a student from Xiaoshan District, Hangzhou, recounted: I am a college student, and I like a boy who has a girlfriend (they are in a different place). It was the boy who liked me first. I happened to be in a state of being broken up, and my understanding of liking and love was in a vague state, thinking that his liking was the liking between classmates. Later, I found out that it was not, and I also backed down, hoping that he would reduce his liking for me and treat his girlfriend well. But sometimes I can't refuse his concern. He also said that he just likes me and treats me well, but he won't break up with his girlfriend. I was miserable, and I couldn't say anything too harsh to reject him (a bit of a people-pleasing personality) while enjoying his kindness to me. I don't think I can go on like this anymore and hope to get help and advice. I felt like I should deliberately distance myself from him, but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. What should I do?Is it true that someone who falls in love with someone else in love is unreliable?I felt as if I had lost the ability to judge, and I was tired.
Emotional answer: You like each other because of a boy's liking, although the other party has a girlfriend, he also said that he will not break up with his girlfriend, but you still have a good impression of him because you have just fallen out of love, but you know that such a boy is unreliable, and you may also think that this is immoral, so you still want to refuse.
But he pestered repeatedly, and you couldn't bear to make him sad, and felt very tired and entangled.
If you hadn't broken up, you wouldn't have struggled, right, that is, you shouldn't have yourself as a person with two boats on your feet. But after you have just been broken up, you will inevitably be depressed, at this time you may need comfort, he took advantage of the weakness at this time, and it is completely understandable that you do not notice his new affection and love for a while. But as your mood calms down, your rationality and cognition will gradually return.
Since you're not a person who has two boats on your feet, would you fall in love with someone like that?
Of course, all of the above is from a cognitive and moral level. However, you can also ignore these for a moment and look at yourself from an emotional point of view, that is, whether you can put aside the factors of your low mood and like or fall in love with him again. And what do you like about him?There is a good saying, that is, it is best for you to like someone because you simply like him, not because the other person likes you, you like him, because if this is the case, if he doesn't like you, you may be very uncomfortable. There is some truth to it.
In the world of relationships, it can be challenging to understand and deal with complex emotional entanglements, especially in your current situation. Here's an emotional interpretation and advice on your question:
1. You need to be clear about your emotional state and needs. You've just come out of a breakup relationship, and your understanding of liking and love is still in a vague stage. In this case, you may misunderstand or become overly dependent on the care and attention of others. You need to give yourself some time and space to heal and understand your emotional needs.
2. The guy you like already has a girlfriend, and they are in a long-distance relationship. His liking may stem from appreciation for you or gratitude for the comfort and support you provide. However, he made it clear that he would not break up with his girlfriend, which means that he has certain limits and boundaries on your relationship.
You feel conflicted and bitter in the face of his liking, on the one hand you want to reject him and let him focus on his relationship, on the other hand you can't resist his concern for you and reconciliation. This may be a sign of your people-pleasing personality, where you are afraid of hurting others and at the same time crave the approval and affection of others.
In this case, you need to stand firm and your borders. You can tell him about your troubles and decisions, make it clear that you don't want to be a third party in his relationship with his girlfriend, and you don't want him to ignore his responsibilities and commitments because of his affection for you. At the same time, you also need to gradually reduce your contact and communication with him to avoid giving him the wrong signals or exacerbating your inner conflicts.
Alienating him may make him feel uncomfortable, but it is a necessary step so that you can both return to your respective lives and relationships. You can express your decision gently but firmly, while also respecting his feelings and choices.
As for whether someone who likes someone else in a relationship is reliable, this is not an absolute question. Everyone has the potential to develop a crush or attraction to someone else in a relationship, and the key is how they deal with these emotions and maintain loyalty and responsibility to the existing relationship.
In this case, the boy made it clear that he would not break up with his girlfriend, which shows that he still has a sense of responsibility to a certain extent.
Finally, you need to focus on and take care of your emotions and health. Dealing with complex relationship issues can leave you feeling exhausted and lost, but remember that your feelings and needs are just as important.
Overall, dealing with emotional issues requires a balance of reason and emotion, as well as respect and understanding for oneself and others. I hope the above interpretations and suggestions can be helpful to you, and I wish you to find your own happiness and peace as soon as possible.