In the process of children's growth, there are always problems, from small details to big rights and wrongs. Simple and crude corporal punishment hurts the parent-child relationship, and gentle persistence is easy to suffocate internal injuries. And even if the parents are right and tell the child what to do, the effect of error correction will still be reduced. Because parents are right, they can't simply draw an equal sign with their children. Frequently reasoning and correcting mistakes to children may also make children rebellious. As a parent, how to effectively guide your child to solve problems and help them grow?Based on years of research on Chinese family relations and family education, Dr. Shen Yifei combined the concept of multiple intelligences at Harvard University and the Jewish concept of family education, and proposed a systematic, scientific and effective family education method. This method uses the concept of advantage accumulation in sociology to address the dilemma of Chinese family education sandwiched between traditional authoritative education and Western happiness education. On the basis of pedagogy, drawing on the methods of positive psychology, by changing parents' cognition, so as to change parents' emotions and behaviors, so that parents can truly relax, enjoy a pleasant parent-child relationship, and rebuild family harmony. At the same time, it promotes the individualized growth of children and finds a self-motivation mechanism. 
Are you an error-correcting parent?
Error-correcting education", try not to beat and scold the child, and achieve a gentle and firm parenting concept.
Being as patient as possible to reason, constantly reminding, correcting and even urging some small shortcomings and problems in life and learning has become the norm for me to communicate with my children.
Over time, I also felt that this method had little effect, and the children turned a deaf ear to these words, sometimes as if they were people from two camps, and they were at ......odds over a trivial matter
The authors point out that high-frequency error correction is because parents pay too much attention to their children, so high that they exceed their children's needs, which not only seriously interferes with children's self-development, but also puts parents as caregivers under great pressure.
The essence of error correction is that parents hope that their children can become "good children" in their hearts, obsessed with controlling the pace and direction of their children's growth, forgetting to observe and understand their children, and not allowing children to try and make mistakes.
The root of all this is actually the fear and anxiety of parents, parents think that because children always make mistakes, so they need to be corrected, but in fact, it is because parents deny their children too much and manage too much, which causes children to lose self-motivation.
The book mentions that in the past few decades, in the years when there was not so much attention, the children have also grown up very well.
Under the same conditions, if parents understand the education method well and educate attentively, the child will grow up more smoothly;
If parents don't know how to educate and don't care much about their children, the children who grow up in this way will not be too bad;
If parents don't know much about education but pay special attention to their children, such children will have a hard time growing up.
Therefore, I think that the democratic and enlightened reasoning + error correction education method, in the eyes of the child, is basically equivalent to the Tang monk-style nagging, behind this nagging, is the child's distrust, disapproval, in such an environment, how can he listen to it.
The people closest to him are critical of him all day long, how can he recognize himself?
Error correction education is very damaging to the sense of belongingError correction education destroys the sense of belonging and damages children very much.
Belonging is about knowing who I am and what I can do, first of all, based on my confidence in myself, on the basis that I know who I am and what I can do.
When we correct mistakes all the time, every moment we say that the child is doing something wrong, in fact, we are telling him: you are nothing, you are not doing anything well, you have not contributed to the world, you are a waste. When he decides this, you will find that he wants to reinvent himself, telling himself "I'm not so useless, I'm going to build my useful value", and he will set the wrong goals.
In the first stage, when he was very young, the wrong goals were called excessive attention. He does everything for the purpose of getting your approval. Of course, the child will seek attention and want his parents to pay attention to him, but the difference between excessive attention and general attention here is that once no one is paying attention to this thing, he does not want to do it. His goal is to do things for your attention, not for him to be happy doing it and then having results to show you, which are two different kinds of attention. In the long run, the child will develop a people-pleasing personality, and he will forget what he really looks like.
If at this time, the parents continue to correct his mistakes in a more severe way and continue to deny him, he will develop to the second stage of seeking rights.
If you want to go to the left, then I must go to the rightIf you want to go to the right, I'll go to the left. He doesn't have a good reason, and he may make some excuses to come out, but in fact, for him, it doesn't really matter whether he goes left or right, what matters is to work with us. He found himself by working with us, because he didn't know who he was, but when he worked with us, he realized that he was powerful.
If we try to control him further, don't let him play games, don't give him anything to eat, etc., he will go to the third stage of seeking revenge.
If you want to go to A, I find out that if I don't go to A, you will punish me greatly, then I will follow you to A, but I will destroy A to show you. In this way, I found that I am still very good.
If your parents are not aware of these problems, and you continue to oppress him, he will give up on himself in the end, forget it one by one, you say I will do it one step at a time, you don't say that I will resolutely not do it, I don't have any initiative, anyway, it's useless for me to make my own decisions.
Then you will find that it is very difficult to achieve the good qualities that we want to cultivate in children, such as positivity, initiative, and optimism. The reason behind this is that when we keep telling him that this is not going to work, that is not going to work, our child's ego is destroyed. 
The child is the one who solves the problem
As children grow up, they will always experience a myriad of problems.
Parents don't have to do everything and solve it for their children themselves, so that children will always be flowers in the greenhouse and can't withstand the wind and rain.
The author's son was bullied at school, and after ruling out the possibility of being bullied, the author did not seek a theory from a teacher or the parents of a classmate who hit someone, but asked his son what kind of help he needed.
The child said that he asked his mother to call the class teacher, hoping that the classmate would apologize to him the next day.
The next day, the classmate apologized, and the author asked the child if he needed to change seats, and the child refused. Although the author found that the children would vent their emotions by drawing after school, the author asked the children to share books and stationery, and after a semester, the children became good friends with their tablemates.
When children are asked to solve problems on their own, their self-confidence will be greatly enhanced.
Parents can't be with their children forever, so we must learn to let go and let them find their own way of survival, find their own way of living in harmony with society. ”
Write at the end
After all, growth is an inevitable process that children have to go through, and parents cannot replace or lead it, but they can guide it.
Their happiness and love can only be created by themselves.
Parents are "lazy", do not urge or yell at everything, let go and let the children grow up by trial and error, enjoy the parent-child relationship and enjoy love.