When you reach middle age, the fewer friends you have, the better your life will be
The hustle and bustle outside the city has nothing to do with me. When I reach middle age, I get to know more and more faces, but I find that my social circle is quietly shrinking. The former confidants, those friends who can speak freely, are drifting away in the sea of people, which is very emotional. However, I recently read Jia Pingwa's writings, and I was suddenly relieved to see a sentence:"Being separated from a friend is actually a good thing. "As we get older, fewer friends may mean that we have found the core of our lives. On Zhihu, blogger @Jingfeng Paper Kite shared a story from his personal experience. Every morning at 6 o'clock, the blogger wakes up and drives his wife to work, and then starts the day by himself. Because of his love of writing, after work at night, he will hide in his room, immerse himself in writing on major **, or take some commercial copywriting to earn some extra income. In fact, his daytime work income is not low, and even if he doesn't write part-time, he can get by. Bloggers say that when you have someone to protect, you're always willing to go out of your way to give them the best. The person the blogger most wants to protect is his family. He didn't want his parents to hide it when they were sick because they were afraid of the costHe also hopes that through his own efforts, he will send his children to better schools and let them receive a higher quality education. The blogger finally said something that touched me deeply: "I also want to go to drink and chat with my friends, and stay up all night, but I don't have the time, I have to do things." I still silently wish my friends happiness and cheer for their success in my heart. But there are people waiting for me at home, and those friends who have been separated will not be far away. I'm sorry. "Halfway through life, you'll learn that your family is better than anyone else. A responsible, responsible middle-aged person is not caught up in a noisy drinking game every day and wakes up at home. They are more likely to minimize social interactions and spend time with their families. Lin Yutang once said: "A happy life is nothing more than four things: one is to lie in your own bed;The second is to taste the delicious food cooked by your parents;The third is to listen to the love words of the lover;The fourth is to play with children. "Friends are decreasing, banquets are fewer, family members are sitting together, and under the warm light, it is the greatest happiness in the world.
In psychological research, there is a conclusion that people will not be able to stay close to more than 10 friends in their lifetime. In real life, we spend a lot of time socializing meaninglessly.
When people reach middle age, they should realize that there may only be three or five really deep friends in this life, which is enough. When I was in college, I found out that my father didn't really have many friends. Every party, drinking, chatting, going fishing, and bragging and playing cards, he was with a few old friends.
At that time, I was keen to make friends, and I made new friends every once in a while. I was always full of disdain for my father, feeling that his circle of friends was too narrow, and his life was too dull with the same people every day.
However, there was an emergency at home that required a sum of money. Although his father's uncles, who usually had good relationships, were not wealthy, they did not hesitate to lend him money. From that moment on, it dawned on me that although my father didn't have many friends, every friend was unusually strong.
I'm sure that when I was younger, my father probably had many friends around me, just like me. However, these friends are like autumn leaves, a gust of wind blows, and they leave one after another. With the arrival of middle age, the dual pressures of work and family make people have limited energy. It's not a bad idea to shrink your social circle gradually, so that you can use your limited energy to maintain really important friendships.
As actor Shen Teng said: "Friends after the age of 20 need to take time to understand." After the precipitation of time, friends who can leave five numbers are already winners in life. "After middle age, friendships are more about quality than quantity. Although the social circle has become smaller, sincere friendship is the most important thing.
In "The Round Table Pie", there is a special issue of solitude, taking Albert Einstein as an example. Albert Einstein had a small problem that she couldn't tolerate even with his wife. He often leaves home abruptly, disappears for days without saying goodbye, and leaves everyone helpless. So, where does he go when he leaves home?Maybe he'll lie on the grass and gaze at the stars in the night sky, or paddle a boat on the lake and ponder his physics. In short, Einstein needed this kind of alone time every once in a while.
In the end, the host Dou Wentao concluded: "Solitude creates greatness. Many of the great achievements in history have been contemplated in such moments of solitude. "When we were young, we were glamorous and bustling, and as we grew older, we enjoyed the tranquility of solitude. Chen Daoming expressed his boredom with social interaction in "Interview with Yang Lan" and prefers to be alone. It is better to sit quietly in a chair and read a book than to go out and meet many people. In his alone time, whether it is reading, practicing calligraphy or playing the piano, it can bring him physical and mental pleasure.
Qian Zhongshu once said: "The prosperity outside the door is not my prosperity." "Loneliness brings frustration, while silence makes people feel calm, because loneliness is an endurance, and silence is a choice. When we reach middle age and see all kinds of troubles in life, we prefer to choose quiet and enjoy loneliness. Yu Hua wrote in "Shouting in the Drizzle": "I no longer pretend to have many friends, but return to loneliness and start living alone with my true self." ”
The world has changed from hustle and bustle to quiet, and learning to get along with yourself is a compulsory lesson in life. Being alone is a sign of a person's true maturity. Hayao Miyazaki also said, "Life is a train to the grave, and there are many stops along the way, and it is difficult for someone to accompany you from beginning to end." When the person accompanying you is about to get out of the car, you should be grateful, even if you are reluctant, and wave goodbye. "When you reach middle age, life is like a station, waiting for less and less, and parting more. We should be grateful to the people who have appeared in our lives because it is they who make our lives richer. Be more grateful to yourself, because you are your own world and the source of family warmth.