A lot of sisters left me messages in the background:
I gave everything for him, and I thought about everything for him first, but he didn't care about my feelings at all, and had an affair with other women in front of me. ”
At the beginning, he said that he hoped that I would learn to be gentle, and I smoothed my edges and corners for him and learned to accommodate, but he said that I had changed, and he loved me at the beginning. ”
I tried my best to find out what he liked, but he turned around and was with someone else, and I never seemed to be taken seriously. ”
In a relationship, every woman wants to be favored by a man, and some even hope that even if the two break up, the other party will not be able to let go of themselves. So many people are desperate to pay, hoping to have a place in each other's hearts.
But you miss an important point, feelings are never how much you give in return. And the so-called careful management of feelings does not allow you to hold the spirit of sacrificing yourself to fulfill the other party.
Most of the women who make men reluctant to let go have lived out their own lives, and of course, they will also care about each other, so that men feel full of need.
1. Don't be afraid of losing
In the course of my consultation, I often have students who say:
It seems that he is not all faults, and if I do leave him, what should I do?”
Although there were many unpleasant things in the process of getting along, I may not have met a better person after leaving him. ”
He cheated, and I felt very painful, but when I thought of divorce, I didn't seem to be getting better, so it was better to turn a blind eye and make do with it. ”
Sisters with the above mentality, most of them are in a low position in the relationship, and often the final result is not very good, in fact, it is all because of the fear of losing.
But to be honest, if you want a man to be inseparable from you, you have to have the mentality of not being afraid of losing in the relationship, so that you can really get it. The more you care about the other person, the easier it is for the other person to ignore you.
Because you will unconsciously make concessions in the process of getting along, so that the man will not respect you, he will only hurt you more unscrupulously, he knows that you will not leave, and then you compromise again and again in order to keep him, which is a vicious circle in the relationship.
A man has a desire to conquer, he is not too interested in the prey at his fingertips, the kind of prey that makes him feel that he can catch it, and he will be reluctant to let go of the prey that he slips away when he is about to get it.
So you have to establish a mentality that you are not afraid of losing, let him know that you are not something he can handle at will, you also have your own ideas, and if he does not give you the corresponding respect and feedback, you will leave at any time.
2. Say something straightforwardly, not too pretentious
One of the most common situations in relationships is that many sisters always like to let men guess. In fact, on the surface, this is not much of a problem, it is a kind of love between partners, but some people do not grasp the scale well, which will cause men to resent it.
You can take a look at this conversation:
Woman: "What are we going to eat tonight?"”
Man: "Do you have anything you'd like to eat?"”
Woman: "It's all right." ”
Man: "Then let's go eat Sichuan food?."”
Woman: "I don't want to eat spicy food." ”
Man: "Then go to the buffet?."I heard that the new one tastes good. ”
Woman: "There are so many people here, I don't know when I'll have to wait." ”
Man: "Do you want to eat fried chicken?"Haven't you wanted to eat for a long time? ”
Woman: "No, it's too easy to get fat at night." ”
Man: "Don't eat this, don't eat that, what do you want to eat?"”
Maybe once or twice, the man will cooperate, but if he is always asked to guess, he will become impatient, and this way of getting along will consume each other's feelings.
For example, some sisters are obviously unhappy, but they don't say it, they hold it in their hearts, and they keep their faces black in the rest of the relationship, which will also affect each other's mood.
You feel that the other party doesn't care about you, the other party thinks that you are looking for trouble, and the misunderstanding arises, and if you don't communicate, the relationship will also be affected.
So don't be overly pretentious, and grasp that degree. You have to know how to pay attention to your own needs, express them effectively, and let the other party understand, so that each other is very happy and the relationship will be very harmonious.
3. Be independent and do not cross the line
This is also a very important point in the relationship, to have their own independent space, not to cross the line, so that they can get along comfortably and for a long time. But many sisters don't understand this, and feel that since two people are together, they are integrated into a whole, and they should not be separated from each other.
The other party has to intervene in everything they do, hoping that the other party will make changes according to their own ideas, and they always tell each other everything in detail, thinking that this can make each other closer.
But in reality, such partners often can't go hand in hand to the end, because everyone has some secrets that they don't want others to know, and if you cross the line, not only will you not be closer to each other, but it may also further accelerate the separation.
I have a friend who told each other everything about herself when she first fell in love, and also asked her to share her story, and it was quite pleasant to chat.
However, the problem arose during the quarrel, once, the two quarreled over a trivial matter, and her boyfriend said, "Your ex-boyfriend must not be able to stand this character when he breaks up with you, and he has to intervene in everything, and he can't help and add to the chaos." Later, the two had a cold war for a week, and they broke up completely after they got along not long after they reconciled.
Therefore, you must know how to keep a certain distance from each other, be busy with each other when you work, get along well when you meet, do not be attached, do not please, do not cross the line, and live as you like, so that you will have what you want.