The wise sayings that the older generation often imparted to young people, such as "Rely on your parents at home and rely on your friends when you go out", "If you have more friends, you will have a better way to go", and "If you have many friends, you will have many ways out", which continue to echo in our daily lives. These aphorisms seem to have practical significance and empirical statements, but they hide a problem: are they too utilitarian to make friends?There's a flaw in this, and it's not advisable for us to treat friendship properly and to make it too utilitarian.
Don't worry about the road ahead, no one in the world knows you", such bold words about pursuing friends all over the world often make people's hearts surge. However, in a similar "Journey to the West", Sun Wukong and the Bull Demon King traveled extensively when they were proud, but when they were in trouble, how many people could lend a hand?
As everyone knows, the second half of the sentence of "friends all over the world" has a deeper meaning: "Friends all over the world, how many people have a heart".
The Dunbar number, or "150 rule", reveals that the number of friends who can maintain a stable social network cannot exceed 148, or about 150, under the limits of human intelligence. In other words, there is a limit to the number of friends that each person can make. Each additional friend means one less friend, and vice versa. This brings up a problem that must be faced – choosing friends.
While choosing friends, don't forget that friends are also choosing you. In life, people who are not welcomed in the social circle usually possess certain qualities that also put them in a pitiful situation.
First of all, not knowing how to speak is one of them. People often say, "A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word is hurtful and cold in June." Speaking is an art, and learning to speak may take only a year, but learning how to speak properly can take a lifetime. People who are not good at words are usually not welcome. There are many examples of bad words in life, such as being snarky, prickly in words, or liking to expose other people's shortcomings and make fun of others. Zeng Guofan wrote in the "Thirteen Articles of Self-cultivation": "Be cautious and pay attention to it." Before you speak, think about it, it's not just for making friends, it's a necessary lesson in life. Learning how to speak will help you in your life.
Secondly, I don't know how to be sincere. Although it is important to speak, what is more important is whether you are sincere in your heart. After all, "the road knows the horsepower, and the people will see the hearts of the people over time". Although a surface can be clever and emotionally intelligent, but after a long time, the nature will always be exposed. Without sincerity, your friends will eventually leave you.
Third, I don't know how to empathize. Some people are accustomed to being self-centered and only thinking from their own point of view, ignoring that everyone's life experiences, habits, and knowledge are different. Only by thinking about problems from the perspective of others and comparing hearts to hearts can we get more objective answers. Being too self-conscious is the main reason for making fewer friends, and knowing how to empathize is the basis of interpersonal interactions.
Finally, I don't know how to be aggressive. In "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Liu Bei and Zhang Fei were originally fellow villagers, but due to the disparity in identity and economy, they met much later. In interpersonal communication, it is important to grow together and improve each other. If you don't move forward, it will only create a generation gap. When a common language no longer exists, the paths of both sides begin to diverge.
In conclusion, those who are not welcomed by their social circles usually possess these traits. If we want to win friendships, we should focus on our words and actions, and always be sincere, empathetic, and willing to be aggressive.
The above article touched on the undesirable traits in relationships and how these traits affect people's status in the social circle. This article reveals the key elements of building and maintaining relationships, and provides some deep thoughts on exclusion in social circles.
First of all, the article clearly points out four traits that lead to unpopularity: not knowing how to speak, not knowing how to be sincere, not knowing how to empathize, and not knowing how to be aggressive. These traits are barriers in the social circle that limit an individual's development in interpersonal relationships. Through an in-depth analysis of these traits, the article gives readers some specific cases and behavior patterns to help readers better understand these issues.
Second, the "150 rule" mentioned in the article raises questions about the size of social networks. This concept reminds people of the finite number of friends they can make and points to the importance of choosing friends in their social circles. This finitude pushes people to think more rationally and choose friends, after all, everyone has an upper limit of social pressure they can tolerate.
The article then cites examples from literary works, such as "Journey to the West" and "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", to vividly illustrate the complexity of human relationships. Through these stories, readers will be able to more intuitively feel the communication and relationship between different characters, and then have a deeper understanding of the ideas presented in the text.
Finally, the article provides suggestions on how to improve these undesirable traits. For example, it is important to be cautious in communication, to be sincere, and to be good at empathy. These tips are not only helpful for improving one's social skills, but also for shaping positive relationships.
Overall, this review provides an in-depth analysis of undesirable traits in social circles and offers some suggestions to address them. These perspectives and suggestions are positive inspiration and guidance for us to understand and improve our own performance in interpersonal communication.
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