Today, we want to ** a thought-provoking question: Can children and parents transcend traditional roles and become friends with each other?
To find the answer to this question, parents must first understand what the traditional parental role is. Many people's cognition of the traditional role of parents is inferred from the words and deeds of their parents. If parents treat the child as their own private property and always control him to do things according to his own wishes, the child will mostly grow up to be an authoritative parent;If parents regard their children as bloodlines or career inheritors who need their own care and guidance, most of the children will become mentor parents when they grow up;If parents see their children as angels who help them grow up, most of these children will become friends when they grow up.
If you look at real life, you will find that the distribution ratio of authoritative parents, mentor parents, and friend parents is sharply reduced, with the first type of parents being the most and the third type of parents being very few.
So, what kind of parents do children need?From birth to **, the child needs to go through a period of family dependence, physiological weaning and psychological weaning, and finally to a period of physical and psychological independence. Different stages of growth have different needs for parents.
Before the age of three is the child's family dependence period, and it is also the physiological weaning period, and you need to accompany yourself and care for your parents throughout the process.
After the age of three to the age of twelve, most children regard their parents as omnipotent gods, and hope that their parents will give the most powerful help and the best answers when they encounter difficulties and problems.
After the age of 12 to the age of 18, children have a very strong sense of independence from physical to psychological, and parents need to understand them and give them the space to grow freely.
If parents want to cross the traditional role and become friends with their children, in addition to first getting rid of the cognition that "children are their own private property and everything must act according to their own wishes", they generally have to go through the following stages:
Before the child is three years old, take on the responsibility of raising the child yourself, so that the child has a complete sense of trust and security in himself. We have done research and found that entrusting children to their elders or others to raise them before the age of three on the grounds of work is difficult to heal, and the emotional rift between children and parents is almost impossible to repair.
During the period between the three and twelve years of age, take the difficulties and problems encountered by the child seriously, listen to the child's voice attentively, and find ways to overcome difficulties and answers to the problem with the child in a timely manner, so as to meet the ideal expectations of the parents in the child's heart. This period often seems to be peaceful, but secretly it is very likely to breed violent storms. If parents ignore their children's difficulties, problems and voices, and blindly set requirements for their children according to their own principles and standards, children will show obedience because they are weaker than their parents in all aspects, but because their parents cannot give them strong help and effective guidance in time, the image of "parents can do anything" in their hearts will collapse little by little, and at the same time plant the seeds of rebellion or resentment.
During the period between the ages of 12 and 18, the child's physical and mental strength surpasses that of the parents, and the vision is also improved, the sense of independence and autonomy is unprecedentedly enhanced, and the whole person is sensitive and emotionally unstable. At this time, parents must combine the current situation of their children's development, read and study in a targeted manner, improve their horizons, and enrich their spiritual world, so that they can calmly communicate and discuss with their children on an equal footing. We have met many parents, very puzzled and painfully said: I don't understand, before the child went to middle school, he was very good and obedient in all aspects, but as soon as he entered middle school, it was like a different person, I didn't know him anymore!It's just a matter of not listening to the adults.,Sometimes you say very disrespectful things.。 Why?It is to ignore the growth and change of children, and to manage primary school students in the same way as children. It's like letting a tiger live in a rabbit cage, and the child doesn't turn over the genius.
After the child goes to college, parents still need to work hard to broaden their horizons in terms of academic depth and breadth, employment direction, development direction, and love outlook, so as to maintain the status of reciprocal communication with their children. If you can't do it, then start from your own experience, fully trust your child, and give him appropriate advice. Don't use your own experience to bind your child.
Only by going through the above stages can we truly transcend the traditional role of parents and become friends with our children.
In reality, there are not many people who can truly transcend the traditional role of parents and become friends with their children. Because most of them did not jump out of the traditional role created by their parents, they only fulfilled the responsibility of caring for their children, ignoring the true meaning of life that "parents and children are actually cultivating and growing up with each other".
There is a saying that "father and son become brothers for many years", and parents want to become friends with their children, which is a long-term accumulation of both parties. A harmonious parent-child relationship, a good environment for family members to grow together, and the endless cultivation of parents can be established in the future.
Tianxing key, the gentleman is self-improving. Parents, let's lead our children through our own actions on the path of parental growth from nurturing, education, and then becoming friends.