Have you ever seen a funny **?, a mother reproduced the scene of daily pick-up. At first glance, if it is a courier, the face is full of light;At first glance, it is a unit, and it can be handled freely;But if the school called, he immediately panicked and began to make up various scenarios in his head: The child is in trouble?Grades have slipped?Not feeling well?Or are you being bullied?After receiving the **, knowing that there was nothing wrong, I breathed a sigh of relief, as if I had escaped a catastrophe.
In less than two minutes, the anxiety of parents was vividly reflected. It turned out that I was not the only one who broke my heart for my child.
My daughter is in the fifth grade this year, and if she doesn't do well in an exam, she may be worried: what should I do if I can't keep up after I am promoted to junior high school?What should I do if I am eliminated from the high school entrance examination and can't go to high school?What if I can't find a good job after that?Thinking about it, I was irritable, and I hated to enroll my daughter in a few Xi more make-up classes and memorize a few more books.
However, this is not an accident in my personal life, and I find that this is the norm for most parents.
Professor Peng Kaiping said really well: "In this society, the most anxious place is education. ”
What are we afraid of when we are trapped by anxiety?
Some people are worried that their children will take detours and get bad grades;There are people who are afraid that they will be rebellious and disobedient in adolescence;There are also people who are worried about their children's personality, psychology, and social interaction.
It's really pitiful for the hearts of parents all over the world, after having children, we have all become the most timid people in the world.
So, why is this the case for parents?
A consultant did a survey and summarized the three main causes of educational anxiety:
The first is that he does not accept his fate, and wants his children to break through the class of their parents and achieve a leap in life;
The second is high expectations, hoping that the child will be far ahead of his peers and become a leader;
The last point is that under the fierce competition, they are too easily affected by society.
Today there is a theory that good children are managed, tomorrow some people call for "don't let children lose at the starting line", some people say that we should use love education instead of stick education, and some people say that we should use sticks to strictly manage, etc., an endless stream of educational concepts, for the commercial marketing of education, throw parents into panic every minute.
Teacher Dai Jianye said excitedly in an interview**: "If there is another child, I will definitely not educate like this!."Parents are so nervous now, and looking back now, it's all wrong. ”
So what's right?
Here are five points of experience summarized and shared with you today.
1. Regulate your emotions and make your home a place to relax.
In the super talk "What is the experience of high emotional value of parents", a netizen said: "Don't worry about being criticized, don't be afraid of doing something wrong, and don't worry about not being loved." You just need to listen to your heart and be yourself as you please. ”
When parents are emotionally stable and the family atmosphere is harmonious, children can grow into physically and mentally healthy people with a sense of relaxation.
It's like tutoring homework, some parents are angry and ruined, and eventually hurt their children and get sick themselves.
Why not go the other way:
When your child makes a mistake, don't be in a hurry, guide him to try a different way of solving the problemWhen your child is not concentrating, put yourself in the shoes of your child and let him relax.
What children need is gentle and firm guidance, not sarcasm and scare.
Parents who have no emotional value cannot raise happy children.
What we need to do is not rush and allow the children to take their time.
2. Discover your child's talents and encourage him to do what he is good at.
In the documentary "Post-Zero", the boy Chi Yiyang is a problem child. Not only is there a tendency to violence, but the grades are also at the bottom.
But luckily, he had a pair of very enlightened parents.
His parents never forced him to fight with books, but gave him the opportunity to choose.
They let their son dabble extensively and then guide him into the areas that interest him the most.
In the end, Chi Yiyang became a very good rugby player because of his love for sports.
Therefore, instead of letting children suffer in areas that they are not good at, it is better to find another way, tap their strengths, and let them give full play to their talents.
A person can't just run on someone else's track.
Find your own world in order to become the king there.
3. Stimulate children's internal drive and liberate themselves.
I often hear parents complain that raising a child is too tiring.
Urge him to go to bed early and get up early, stare at him to write homework and brush up on questions, and prevent him from playing games.
It seems that if you don't keep an eye on it, the child will be like a derailed train, running off the road.
But the tighter the management, the more lazy the child is to move, and the more anxious he becomes.
A large number of cases have proven that stimulating a child's internal drive is far more useful than staring at him 24 hours a day.
Psychological counselor Huang Shiming pointed out that children's internal drive mainly comes from three forces: a sense of autonomy, a sense of trust, and a sense of value.
Guide your child to make a plan, allow them to pursue their hobbies while they XiTake children to see the world more often, activate curiosity and desire for knowledge;Give children greater autonomy and encourage them to take responsibility for the results.
Children are independent, and we can also save ourselves from the heavy burden of education.
Fourth, nurturing is a process of subtraction.
In the best-selling book "Subtraction", the author tells a story.
My 3-year-old son was playing with building blocks, and there was a bridge that was slanted, one high and the other low.
When the author saw this, he didn't even think about it, so he had to add one to the short one.
But the son felt that it was more labor-saving to tear down the high side.
The author lamented that this is a big difference between adults and children.
We always want to add to life, and we are in a hurry to make up for what we lack, but the children know how to reduce the burden of life.
We are anxious because we want too much.
If you can do some subtraction, don't learn the talents you can't learn, don't get the certificates you can't get, and give up the opportunities that are difficult to fight, you can live a little easier.
Jung said: The worst influence a parent can have on a child is to make them feel that their parents are not having a good life.
A good education is never about sacrificing oneself to help children move forward, nor is it about letting the family live in anxiety and suffer all day long.
Relaxing, managing life well, and letting children experience the beauty of life in comfort is the best education.
Alison, a child psychologist, divides parents into "gardeners" and "carpenters".
Carpenter-like parents, who strictly require their children to be precise in every inch and every minute, are also very tired of living themselves.
Gardener-like parents, on the other hand, will create a relaxed environment that conforms to the child's nature and allows them to grow freely.
5. May we all become gardener-like parents and create a vibrant garden of life with our children.
Encouragement to everyone!Let's do it together!