A friend from Knowledge Planet asked:
After working for a few years, I slowly feel that I can't talk to many of my former good friends, and I don't want to tell them a lot of things, but to some partners in the paid group.
Is this the norm?
I didn't feel sad, but I thought it was a little strange, I used to say everything, why is it embarrassing to chat now, and I can't talk about it?
I don't want to tell them about my salary, because I get a lot more than them.
Erya replied:
Hello, I'm going to tell you a story
The adult world is hierarchical, and friends when they were young were able to "talk about everything" because most of the family risks were borne by parents.
Moreover, this is only for friends of the same class.
Friends are inherently phased.
It's a very, very lucky thing to have a friend throughout your life.
But most people don't have this kind of luck, a stage of a wave of friends, which is the norm.
This is true of human nature and the nature of society.
Here's an example:1. I went to school in the countryside for one year of primary school, and in that village, I had a few friends who talked about everything.
I was in the second grade of elementary school, and my mother took me to the city to go to school, and I still went back to the countryside during the summer and winter vacations.
Originally, everyone worked together in the fields, but because I went to school in the city, my mother specially explained to my grandmother that I was not allowed to do farm work in the field, otherwise I would not be sent back in the future, because my mother felt that if I was tanned, I would not come back in vain, and ** black would be ridiculed in the city, and there was no appearance of a city person at all.
So, my friends who used to play well were doing farm work in the fields, and I slept at home.
Adults will mock: "People will be from the city in the future, unlike you, you don't play with her." ”
Of course, the little me also has a sense of superiority, like you say, "because my salary is much higher than theirs", which is a sense of superiority.
There is nothing wrong with this sense of superiority, but others can feel it, and they will think that you and I are arrogant.
In this way, I gradually became friendless in the village, and I did not like to go back to my hometown later.
2. When I was a child, I lived in my landlord's house, the landlord's daughter, and she also had a cousin, the daughter of their driver. There wasn't much age difference between the four of us.
I played with them from the age of seven or eight until I was 18 and my landlord's daughter went to the United States.
The sisters dispersed.
In the beginning, I would go to my cousin every year when I went back, because I had been cheaply treated to her when I was a child, and I didn't have the money to invite them to wash their feet, sing songs, and get massages.
After work, I have some money, I will go back and ask her to wash her feet, press a motorcycle, etc.
But!The way of thinking is no longer the same.
Big cities are really going to be fairer.
There are many job opportunities and a wider range of choices for girls, which can be fought by taking the road of male competition.
But in small cities, it's really a struggle to find a man.
So, I came to Shanghai and was determined to stay in the big city.
At that stage, I had a strong interest in all things about money, and I was not interested in the love between men and women.
I think the matter between men and women is nothing more than you deceiving me, I deceiving you, to see who has good acting skills and high morality.
I really wasn't interested in all the love and gossip she told me.
I just want to hear other people's stories of getting rich.
Later, she broke up with her boyfriend and found someone to marry.
She didn't invite me to get married and have children, I didn't go back, and I didn't notify her of my marriage, so the relationship faded like this.
Slowly cut off contact.
In this life, the two of us have taken different directions.
When I was a child, we all had similar values: study hard and Xi and look forward to the future.
When you grow up, your values will be very different.
People with different values and people with values can't play together.
People change, and so do feelings.
3. I'm lucky that one of my college roommates still hangs out together and had dinner together last weekend.
We came to Shanghai from Changsha together in 2010. My husband introduced her.
Poof, also because my husband was introduced by her, every time I get a divorce, she is the intermediary coordinator, and she has been "after-sales", haha
The reason why we have been friends for more than ten years is because we have similar values, similar classes, are in the same city, and have a similar radius of life.
Objective conditions bind the friendship between us.
Friendship needs to be maintained, in fact, in the past few years, I have become hard-hearted, I feel that everyone is sorry for me, I have psychological problems, and I once used her as an emotional trash can.
Then I realized, no!
It would ruin our friendship.
So, I immediately spent money to find a psychiatrist and dump my emotional garbage on others.
Then, buy her a gift and say to her, "Look, you've endured so much of my emotional rubbish again, and I have to make it up to you." ”
She's my only friend anymore and I can't afford to lose her!
My best friend, she is a person with a very stable core.
She has a strong ability to recognize people, can find a husband, has a human touch, and can maintain family relationships.
These are things that I don't have.
I knew that I couldn't look at men, so I looked for a scumbag every time, poof.
So, when my girlfriend recommended my husband, I gladly accepted.
I thought: since I can't look for it myself, then I'll listen to you, you say okay, then okay.
It's actually a huge trust, and my girlfriend cherishes my trust.
When it comes to intimacy, my girlfriend has taken on a part of the role of "mother", but she has never tried to reciprocate with me.
A realistic, cold, and snobbish person like me, with such a friend, I think God is really good to me.
In addition, when people become rich, they must consciously protect themselves and take the initiative to cut themselves from some of their former friends.
Because some friends who are going downhill, if there is a person who is going uphill, they will pull each other like a life-saving straw.
It is difficult to climb up, and easy to fall down.
Many people, out of self-protection, will also take the initiative to cut off from the original circle.
The road of life is full of ups and downs.
When you're at a low point, you're actually embarrassed to go to that friend who mixes well, and you always feel like you've lost someone's light.
The other person is also consciously protective of themselves, and they will become cautious in their contact with you.
You'll think: Hey, you used to be such a good friend, it's so boring to talk like this.
As a result, the young man who talked about everything back then, because of different family backgrounds and different life experiences, produced different results and reached different levels of society.
Many years later, things are not people, and they are no longer the original wave of people.
There is no longer a common topic.
The feelings have also disappeared.
-end