Author: Ai Wen (emotional self-** person).
I am often asked, Mr. Ai, how to get out of the shadow of betrayal.
How to get out is actually everyone's specific homework, and the way to get out is that time and so on are actually different, so basically it can be said that everyone has their own way.
However, you first have to try to get yourself out, and in reality, there are too many people who have exhausted their lives in a relationship that has experienced betrayal.
The betrayal of feelings will make people fall into a very difficult predicament, just like some people say, "This is the most difficult problem I have encountered in this life."
Therefore, first of all, we must realize that because of the difficulty of this matter, it is determined that I am not able to solve it for the time being, and the ability to solve this kind of thing is actually "acquired" Xi learned, and those who can finally come out are helpless at the beginning.
Solving problems is nothing more than two parts: "knowing" and "doing", the first is to know how to solve the problem and how to get yourself out;The second is to take action, insist on doing what should be done, and correspondingly, resolutely not do what should not be done, so that you will slowly come out.
And many people do not have enough clear understanding at the cognitive level, they often focus on the other party, trying to rely on the other party to redeem themselves, such thinking determines that they are usually impossible to come out;And some people have no problem thinking, but lack the ability to act, that is, we often hear that "I understand the truth, but I can't do it".We all know that if a person continues to hurt you and chooses to leave this person, it is possible to completely eliminate the harm, but you can't do without it, so the damage will continue to last - very simple reason.
Many people limit their perspective to whether they are divorced or not, and those who have probably really experienced it, or who have come out completely, know that in fact, whether to divorce or not is just a matter of form, and whether or not to choose divorce is also a matter of personal self-the best evidence for this conclusion is that those who come out are both divorced and inseparable.
Of course, divorce or not is important, we usually say that if you are facing someone who continues to hurt you, then, the only way to end the hurt is to leave - so divorce in this case, it is an inevitable choice, correspondingly, if you want to be free, you have to face the divorce, you have to bear everything that the divorce has to endure.
Many people are stuck in obstacles here, because they can't face the "pain" and "torture" of divorce, can't afford divorce, or don't have the courage to face all kinds of possible risks, situations, regrets, etc. after divorce.
Why in the face of emotional betrayal, many people will always be deeply trapped in it, unable to extricate themselves, and exhaust their lives, in the final analysis, it is nothing more than a two-level problem:
The first level is: never have a direction, never dare to make a choice for yourself.
Why does a person fall into going around in circles, is that the reason is too entangled, thinking like this today, thinking like this tomorrow, after a long time, he thinks twice. Prudent decisions are necessary, and at that time, I was thinking carefully every day, and I could never make a decision, it must be internal friction, and it is better not to think about it.
What is needed to make a decision is not only to think deeply, but more importantly, to have the courage to make a decision, to have the courage to make a decision, and to put it into action, which is the correct and mature approach - the simple truth is: if you choose and act, you will move forward, you will go forward, and sooner or later you will come out.
However, if you delay in taking action, even if your decisions and choices are foolproof and thorough, they are meaningless. The so-called indecision, suffering from gains and losses, and finally consuming life.
The second level is that you don't have a way to take responsibility for yourself.
As I just mentioned, whether or not to divorce is only a matter of form, and the essence of the issue is actually to see whether you can be responsible for yourself, responsible for healing, responsible for living well, responsible for your own happiness and happiness, responsible for your own joy and sorrow - but if you still count on others, then you will definitely be trapped here.
What you are controlled by, what you are tired of- Feelings, even more so.
If you can take responsibility for yourself, then, this person is inseparable, in fact, it is not so important, it all depends on your mood, if you don't want to leave, you can't leave, anyway, what they do will not affect me;If I wanted to leave, I could end the relationship in minutes, and I don't remember how much of an impact losing such a person could have on me.
When your mentality and state reach this point, then you are the one who can really take responsibility for yourself.