Author: Tan Tan.
I was bitten by a dog, and it hurt my flesh;When you are bitten, it hurts your soul.
Catch the ducks on the shelves
On the evening of December 14, 1988, a small car drove out of Yiyang City and sped in the direction of Changsha.
I sat in the car with Guo Zhibin, deputy secretary of the Yiyang Prefectural Party Committee and secretary of the Yiyang Municipal Party Committee. In the past two days, the province has successively sent ** to the Yiyang Municipal Party Committee, and I was limited to rush to a certain room in Building 9 of the Ninth Guest House of the Provincial Party Committee before 8 o'clock in the evening of the 14th, and the leading comrades of the Provincial Party Committee wanted to talk to me. Originally, I should have rushed back to Changsha earlier, but I was very conflicted and always dragged out. When I came to ** for the third time, Secretary Guo of the Municipal Party Committee said to me: "After dinner, I will send you back to Changsha, otherwise, I will not be responsible." ”
I came from the Lengshuijiang Municipal Party Committee to Yiyang this year, and I also served as the deputy secretary of the Yiyang Municipal Party Committee. At that time, I thought that Lengshuijiang is a heavy industrial city in the middle reaches of the Zijiang River, which produces coal and antimony, mainly mines. It was a glowing black land. I wrote a long story there, "Beauty's Bay", and a collection of essays, "Sun City". Yiyang is a city in the lower reaches of the Zijiang River, which mainly produces light industrial products such as textiles and printing, and traditional products such as bamboo mats, pine flower preserved eggs and mosquito coils are well-known. It was a land of colorful colors. I want to live there for two or three years, and I also write a long **, and also write a collection of essays called "The City of Colors" or something. Then, I went up the river to Shaoyang, a city in the upper reaches of the Zijiang River. In my life, if I have thoroughly "eaten" the three cities on this river, and left a little bit of useful things for the times and the people, I will be satisfied.
It's a plan that spreads out in my mind. It's just a plan that spreads out in my heart.
How many things in the world can be done exactly as they want?
In June 1985, I was suddenly asked to attend a provincial party congress. As soon as I reported for duty, I received a stack of materials, and my name was on the tentative list of the presidium of the conference. At the end of the congress, I was elected as an alternate member of the provincial party committee. At that time, I had only been a member of the party for six years, and I had just reached the party age requirement to be a member of the provincial party committee. Two years later, in the summer, I attended a meeting in Beijing and received a request from a leading comrade of the Propaganda Department of the Provincial Party Committee asking me to rush back immediately. Said it was urgent. When I came back, I found out that the ** Organization Department, an inspection team was coming to inspect me. They've been reading my work for a week, and they've read almost all of my work. Then, I talked to a lot of people. Finally, they talked to me. I arrived at their lodgings as scheduled. When I went there, they were talking with Comrade Kang Hao. I waited outside, and only after Comrade Kang Hao came out did I go in. The inspection team consisted of three comrades and was led by a Director Song. At first, they asked me questions about this question as if I were innocent.
Trees on the banks of the Niru River in Shangri-La. ）
Some observations. He also asked me: What are your general thoughts on your life?I said, I want to write four million words. One of them, a younger comrade, said: this should be just one of your goals. Then they said to me, "As you may know, we've been here for quite some time, and we've read several of your books." I think you're on the right track. It's just that the subject matter is a little narrower, and most of them are written about coal mines. In the future, in addition to insisting on writing about the coal mine you are familiar with, you should also go out of the coal mine to broaden your horizons and broaden your subject matter. Finally, they summarized some of the opinions they had heard during the expedition. Three points of hope have been given to me. First, it is necessary to strengthen the cultivation of literary and artistic theoriesThe second is to strengthen the cultivation of personality and not be impulsive when encountering problems;Third, if I have the opportunity to go to school to learn Xi in the future, I hope I don't give up. I don't know what their purpose was for this visit. However, in a large circle, there is a lot of discussion. The Organization Department of the CPC Central Committee has come to inspect what will happen to Tan Tan, what will happen.
I don't have "how", I am still in the small town by the Zijiang River, absorbing the nourishment of creation and life.
Soon after that, a leading comrade did tell me to make a "sacrifice" and work in the party group of the Federation of Literary and Art Circles. I said earnestly to the leader, "I want to make another sprint in creation." You can't take a single step forward, even half a step. Otherwise, I am really unwilling. ”
You're still young, and there's still time to come. ”
Minister, literature is not like anything else. It's not that you can write when you have time, but you have to have time when you want to write. ”
Later, the province appointed another comrade to serve as deputy secretary of the party group of the Federation of Literary and Art Circles. I am genuinely happy.
But I didn't "escape" after all. In September 1988, the Provincial Party Committee decided that the Provincial Writers Association would be separated from the Provincial Federation of Literary and Art Circles and established a separate system under the leadership of the Propaganda Department of the Provincial Party Committee. The leaders of the ministry once again approached me and asked me to become the secretary of the party group of the Provincial Writers Association. I know that I have never even served as a party group leader in the past. Suddenly trying to "manage" the smartest people in the world, I'm afraid I'm not that material. However, sometimes, my heart is also itchy. At that time, the writers had not yet been rated for titles. A writer like Gu Hua, because he has neither a title nor a position, only earns more than 80 yuan a month. That year, the Federation of Literary and Art Circles divided the house, and I saw that the list of the distribution plan was arranged like this: the director and the deputy director;Empty one grid, section chief, deputy section chief;An empty grid is Gu Hua and Tan Tan. We are in the same column as the messengers, cooks, etc. The secretary of the party group is a deputy department-level cadre. Why don't you get to this level yourself?Do it for a while, and then quit it. Anyway, our national conditions are like this, cadres go up, but they don't do it, and that level of treatment will always be retai......nedTo be honest, this party secretary is not without a little ** to himself. However, I was preparing to write a novel**. People say that I am in the prime of my creative life. I'm really worried that I'll lose my work after I get an administrative job. The work is the life of the writer. If you don't have a work, what kind of writer is you?When a cadre is in power, he may be full of vigor and might, but once he retires, how much flavor does he have?Human life is always limited. If you write good work, your life will be eternal. From a historical point of view, who still remembers those provincial chairmen who did not make much achievements in the ** period?And a writer who has achieved a little bit more, their works are still circulating in the world today. From time to time, we are still talking about their works and their lives. Come to think of this.
As soon as "The Bend of Life" was published, Shanghai's "Literary Daily" selected one of the chapters. ）
At some point, I really didn't want to be the party secretary. In those days, I was so conflicted!I didn't get a good night's sleep for several nights.
I just walked forward in such a contradictory mood.
On this day, Comrade Zhou Texin, deputy director of the Propaganda Department of the Provincial Party Committee, called me to the ministry. He said to me: "At the afternoon ministerial meeting of the Organization Department, the team of the Writers' Association will be discussed. With regard to the selection of the Secretary-General, I would like to mention these two. Then he said his name and asked me, "Which one do you think will work better with you?"”
Frankly speaking, I have never done this kind of work in the past, I lack experience in this area, and I have been in a conflict in my heart, and I have not seriously thought about who would work better with me. I said to Minister Zhou, "I want one to be younger." ”
So you mean so-and-so?”
I nodded.
Then I'll tell the organization department right away. Now, you must not reveal the news. I know your mouth isn't very tight. ”
I'll be in Yiyang this afternoon. ”
Good. "After arriving in Yiyang, after thinking about it, my mood became more conflicted. I really regret that I shouldn't have promised in front of Minister Zhou that "I hope to be younger". Doesn't this mean that he has accepted the position of secretary of the party group?I really want to "overturn the case" in my heart. Therefore, I was urged to go back to Changsha again and again, but I didn't want to go back.
When Comrade Weiyang, chairman of the Writers' Association, and I went to the designated house in the nine houses, Minister Zhou was already there. It turned out that he was leading a group of people to prepare materials for the Provincial Cultural Congress. After the meeting, Comrade Xia Zanzhong, member of the Standing Committee of the Provincial Party Committee and Minister of Propaganda, and Comrade Shen Ruiting, member of the Standing Committee of the Provincial Party Committee and Secretary General, came. Minister Xia first said, telling us that the Standing Committee of the Provincial Party Committee discussed the team of the Writers Association. It was decided that the two of you, Sun Jianzhong, and Xiao Jianguo would form a party group. Originally, the party group consisted of five people. During the discussion, an old comrade suggested that the queue should not be filled all at once, so that you secretaries would have room for consideration. He then talked about what he wanted and what he hoped for us. Secretary-General Shen told us during the conversation that there has never been a time when the provincial party committee has discussed your team so smoothly. He also said very enthusiastically that if there is any difficulty, go to him. He will definitely support us. Listening to this, I felt very warm in my heart. In the end, both leading comrades asked what difficulties we still haveJust now, after listening to the list of party groups that Minister Xia said, I was wondering in my heart, why is so-and-so gone?Now the four of us in the party group are all writers, and they are all in the vigorous period of creation. If there is no one who does administrative work wholeheartedly, how can I, the secretary of the party group, be the secretary of the party group!I honestly voiced my fears.
If you see someone, you can mention it!Don't rush it, be sure to be mature. ”…
On that day, we convened a meeting of the Bureau of the Writers' Guild. Minister Xia attended the meeting and announced the list of members of the party group of the Writers Association. At this time, there were already five people. I made a brief statement at the meeting. In this speech, I said: "I do not intend to pander to the leadership in order to climb up, nor do I intend to blindly accommodate the masses in order to win votes. I'm going to throw away these two burdens, I don't have much ability, and if I carry these two more burdens, then I won't be able to walk anymore......”
My "duck" is "on the shelf" like this.
We live in Guizhou Bay, Tianpanzhou, Shengshi Community, Shengyue Lake small scene. ）
My taste is too spicy.
I didn't know, as soon as I learned to shave my head, I ran into a beard.
The Writers' Association and the Federation of Literary and Art Circles were separated. Contradictions poured out like a spring of water in an instant. I'm the party secretary, and I can't hide from it.
In the past, although I served as the deputy secretary of the municipal party committee, as I said, I watched others as secretaries and mayors. Write about what you feel. In the past, although I served as the executive vice chairman of the Writers' Association for several years, I was mostly in charge of creative matters and did not have much administrative work. Now, it's really the name of Zhao Shuli's short story "Exercise, Exercise".
After the Writers' Association was separated from the Federation of Literary and Art Circles, it moved to a new location. The new site is just an infrastructure site. The land that I bought five years ago suddenly has to go up again. And ** more than doubled. Can we come up with hundreds of thousands of dollars?The other party sued the court. Court three times**. We're going to be "judged." In the past, the comrades in charge of infrastructure construction promised others how many tons of cement they would build, but now they come to collect debts. I had no choice but to immediately take out a book I had written and ask this young man whom I had never met to "Yazheng" before sending him away temporarily. Only one dormitory has been built on the new site, and many writers and cadres have not yet moved in and have nowhere to work. I prostrate and burn incense ...... one by one
Before the Writers' Association and the Federation of Literary and Art Circles separated, with the approval of the Provincial Party Committee, we hired 19 professional writers under the "appointment system". Many hired producers want to take advantage of the Writers' Association and the Federation of Literary and Art Circles to become professional writers with "iron rice bowls". The wish did not come true, and the opinions came to me. Originally, we were both good friends, but now we are invisibly opposed to me. I feel very aggrieved. I didn't have "officialdom training" in the past, I didn't learn jargon like "study and study", "think about it" (and honestly, I don't plan to learn it in the future). When answering other people's questions, he is straightforward, straightforward, and does not turn around, often inadvertently offending his friends. The Writers' Association has just been pulled out of the Federation of Literary and Art Circles. The organization is incomplete, and the personnel are incomplete. There was a time when writers came to me when their toilets were leaking and the lights weren't on. I came from a coal miner's background, and my personality is like coal. Usually, like a piece of coal that has not been burned, it is quiet and honest, but once the gas comes, it is like a piece of coal thrown into the furnace, and it is full of fire. Once, a hired writer came to ** and said that his family's gas tank was out of gas, and the original unit would not give him ventilation. I promised to call their leaders or contact them tomorrow. He said, how can I wait for you to contact, I have to cook at eleven o'clock. As soon as I heard it, it was on fire:
Do you want me to send you gas right away?You also write**, I also write**. I wrote more **than you wrote**......”
Look, how much I don't look like a party secretary!
A kind friend enlightened me that you are not the same person you used to be. When you speak and do things, you must think that you are the secretary of the party group. Oh my God, what should the party secretary look like?Is it that you can't get angry when you have fire, you can't cry when you want to cry, you can't laugh when you want to laugh, and you can't say when you want to talk. And do you want to cry when you don't want to cry, and laugh when you don't want to laugh?
After all, my friend's words were kind, and I was determined to change myself. Whenever someone comes looking for him, no matter what his mood is at the time, he immediately greets him with a smile. I think it must be a bitter laugh. How unfree and awkward it is for people to live like this.
Sunset over Erhai Lake. ）
Ah......During the Spring Festival in 1990, my stomach hurt terribly. When I was in the army, I used to have stomach problems. After returning to the place, it has not hurt again for more than ten years. This time, the pain started, but it seemed worse than before, and for a few days, I had black stools. An experienced friend told me: This is not to be sloppy, hurry up to the hospital for examination. When I was attending the plenary session of the provincial party committee, Minister Zhou of the Propaganda Department saw that I was always holding my stomach and urged me to go to the hospital for an examination immediately. Minister Xia said to our chairman, Comrade Weiyang: "Please take on more work at home. Tan Tan is still young for this cadre, and we must take more care of him. ”
Before the plenary session of the provincial party committee was over, I came to the 163 hospital for a physical examination. After a check, it was stomach bleeding. The hospital wanted me to be admitted immediately.
I finally ended up in a hospital that I was very unfamiliar with.
This is a ** ward in this military hospital. Most of the people hospitalized here are retired cadres at the army and division level. Every day, before the meal, early in the morning, they would take the bowl and go to the cafeteria to wait in line for the meal. Do they feel that they are getting older and eating less meals, so they are particularly positive about eating?It's really hard for me to reconcile the appearance of them eating in the cafeteria with the image of them commanding thousands of troops and horses.
When I arrived at the hospital, I don't know if I felt a little calmerOr did the drugs work?My stomach doesn't hurt that much anymore. I quietly picked up the pen. In one week, I wrote the short stories ** "Love Journey", "Meeting and Parting", and "Savage Biography", which were submitted to "Shanghai Literature", "Hunan Literature", and "Little Stream" for publication.
Just as I was spreading out the manuscript paper and preparing to write a novella, several comrades from the Provincial Writers and Entrepreneurs Association came to see me in the hospital and told me that someone from the Audit Bureau had taken away all the account books of the association.
I think it is normal for the audit department to audit the accounts, and it is also appropriate to accept the inspection and supervision of the audit institution. I didn't have any special reaction at the time. However, I never imagined that inside the smokescreen of auditing, there was a terrible hand ......
We must believe in the masses and believe in the party.
In the autumn of 1988, at a council meeting of the Writers' Association, some comrades proposed the establishment of the Provincial Writers' Entrepreneurs Association based on the situation of reform and opening up at that time and the experience of some writers' associations in other provinces. It is believed that this is a bridge for writers to go to the society and understand the society, and for enterprises and entrepreneurs to be understood by the society, and it is a high quality of the marriage between culture and economy.
The triangular plum on the courtyard wall of Shangyangxi Village, Dali, Yunnan Province, where we live. ）
A combination of quality, high-grade and high-culture.
It was early in the morning, and a station wagon drove up to the bottom of the building where I lived. Xiao Yuxuan shouted below, asking me to come down quickly. I walked downstairs and was pulled into the car by him. As soon as I arrived at the car, I found that there were already several people sitting on it. There are Mo Yingfeng, Water Transport Xian, etc. As soon as I got in the car, the car drove away.
I asked, "Go to **?"”
Old Master Xiao always smiled and didn't answer.
The car drove out of Changsha City and drove into a township enterprise called Guoyuan Automobile Modification Factory. It was only then that this Xiao brother "confessed" to me: it was proposed at the board of directors to set up a writer-entrepreneur association (I did not attend the board that day). At the meeting, it was decided that I would be one of the members of the preparatory group for this association.
We were warmly received in the factory. You Shui and Xiao explained the purpose of our trip to the factory. Mo Yingfeng is an all-rounder in the literary and artistic circles, not only can he write well, but he also learned it in college, and he writes quite well with a brush. Many shops on the streets of Changsha hung up signs written by him. At this time, he spread out his pen and paper and prepared to write a word for the factory.
Xiao talked with the factory director, and said that when the association was established, the factory was asked to pay a little start-up fee. I sat on the sidelines and listened, my heart was sour, my face was hot, and I hurriedly "made a wit in a hurry", excused myself and went to the toilet. I didn't come back until they were settled.
The sorority was finally formed. The leading comrades of the provincial party committee and the provincial party committee gave us enthusiastic support, and on the day of the inaugural meeting, the leading comrades of several major families in the province were present. Comrade Xiong Qingquan, secretary of the provincial party committee, was suffering from pink eye at that time, and he would fly to Beijing at 4 o'clock in the afternoon to attend the first work conference, and he still came to attend the inaugural meeting of our non-governmental organization on time. It makes our hearts warm.
After the establishment of the association, Comrade Weiyang and I were elected as the executive chairmen of the writers. At this time, I always think about this question: what do you ask for from others, and what will you give back to others?During that period of time, I used all my energy to write ** to serve the enterprise. With the support of Secretary General Shen of the Provincial Party Committee, we held a training course for the secretary of the factory director, and invited the secretary of the provincial governor and the secretary of the provincial party committee to give lectures, so as to create conditions for the secretary of the factory director to get acquainted with the secretary of the provincial governor and the secretary of the provincial party committeeWe held a training course for the editors of the supplements of the enterprise newspaper, and invited the famous reporters and editors-in-chief of the major newspapers and magazines such as "People's Literature" and "Hunan**" to give lectures. I also often go around the factories and mines, interviewing factory directors and workers, on the one hand, accumulating materials for my own creations, and on the other hand, writing some short news for publication in newspapers and magazines. Once, when I handed over a 400-word small close-up "paper" about the enterprise to Comrade Xiong Xianzhi, editor of the Economic Life Department of "Hunan **", he was quite moved and said: "A big writer writes small news, and this is also a piece of news!"”
We have edited a series of books for enterprises, called "Contemporary Entrepreneurs", and in consideration of mobilizing the enthusiasm of all parties, we have set the manuscript fee at 50 yuan per 1,000 words. This was indeed beyond the standard of manuscript fees set by the state at that time. However, at that time, the state had already considered that the current standard of manuscript fees was too low, and was ready to adjust it to 40 yuan per 1,000 words (the maximum). In addition, there is a provision in the Copyright Law, which is soliciting comments, that the manuscript fee can be paid according to the contract. To publish this set of books, we have a contract with the company, and we also have a contract with the author. At that time, a few of our comrades who were in charge of the work studied it and thought that this was feasible.
Waterfalls and pines on Mang Mountain in Chenzhou. ）
Through the editing of this series of books, a number of enterprises have been publicized to the society. I also gathered a little money for the writers' association, improved the working conditions for the writers' association that had just been established separately, and installed a house for a group of writers.
People kept coming to the hospital to report the situation to me: it was all kinds of rumors outside, and Tan talked about how much it was, and this was over. The situation seems to be dire. That's when I started to realize. It seems that the fact that someone has moved the audit agency to audit the accounts is nothing more than a means. And the content hidden behind this is too rich.
I'm calm. It should be said that the person who knows me best is not others, but myself. In the face of the renminbi, I am more vigilant. However, although I am the executive chairman of the sorority, in the party group, I also divide the work to manage the sorority. And the specific accounts, I really don't know. Therefore, there is really no bottom in my heart. ......
The audit report was finally delivered to us, and the first line of the report reads: The report said that more than 460,000 yuan had not been recorded in the accounts, and that it was untrue to burn the account books and privately divide the remaining more than 100,000 yuan. At this time, I realized in my heart that this benevolent brother had "invited" our audit agency to do so!It is no wonder that the audit department has put so much effort and effort into traveling thousands of miles and visiting more than 100 people. It took nearly a year, and I really want to thank our auditors!
At that time, it was the time of the change of the provincial party committee, and I was an alternate member of the provincial party committee. This "friend's" report was not only given to the audit department, but also printed out many copies and sent them to every secretary and standing committee member of the provincial party committee. Of course, the Standing Committee members should take it seriously, transfer relevant materials, conduct analysis, and convene meetings to study and ......When I went to attend the last plenary session of the last provincial party committee, a responsible comrade of the provincial party committee saw me and said: "Writers have worked hard and used your brains to invigorate your work against the background of that time. As for some aspects, such as the payment of manuscript fees is a little higher, this is also a matter of summing up experience. If a few people do this, it is because the political quality is not good. ”
At this time, I remembered the incisive words of ***: We must believe in the masses, we must believe in the party.
Let me bury the extremely rich and vivid content in this string of "ideas" for the time being!If God is gracious. Twenty years later, let me still live in this world. At that time, when I come to revise the book, I will add this most wonderful chapter!
This period of life made me taste the taste of being hurt by others, and made me deeply understand the experience of another aspect of life: being stabbed by a "friend" is ten times more painful than being stabbed by an enemy!If you are bitten by a dog, it hurts your flesh and skin, and if you are bitten by someone, it hurts your soul!This has made my understanding of "friends", of myself, and of life "complicated", profound, and mature. It made me say, "What is maturity?".Maturity is hypocrisy"!
It wasn't sent out the day before yesterday, but a little bit of it was deleted, and it was sent out today. ）