The eldest is raised according to the book, the second is raised according to the pig, one went to P

The following article** Yu Mei Shiying, the author Mei Shiying is deleted for infringement.

There is a famous saying in the second-child circle: "The eldest is raised according to the book, and the second is raised according to the pig." ”

Probably because when I was the eldest child, I was a first-time parent, so I would be extra attentive;

When the second child has experience, he is not so nervous, and his attitude will naturally be relaxed.

However, different parenting styles do have different effects on children.

After reading today's article, you may have different feelings about the sentence "the eldest is raised according to the book, and the second is raised according to the pig".

I have always hidden a deep regret in my heart, which is about the second child Qian Xiaoneng, but Qian Xiaoya does not.

When the eldest Qian Xiaoya grew to 12 years old and Qian Xiaoneng grew to 6 years old, whenever she talked to her friends about the difference between the two children in the family, they would be surprised: "The same parent, how can it be?".”

Then, I began to chatter and chatter like Xianglin's sister-in-law endlessly:

"Then you say, one boss, one second;One is raised by reading books, and the other is raised by pigs, can it be the same?”

Image source network.

A special careAn extra free-range

And then, and then there's the back of this kind of car talk:

When Qian Xiaoya was not a walnut in my belly, I had already read all the parenting books I could buy on the market, so that I was full of anticipation

When Qian Xiaoneng was so big, I was very entangled: Do I want this little ball of meat or not?

Qian Xiaoya has been accompanied by a beautiful diary since she was born, and I carefully recorded her weight and head circumference every week according to the guidance of education experts, which day she will smile, which day she will turn over, which day she will sit, which day she will climb, and which day she will call her mother and father ......More than 300 pages of diary from beginning to end;

gave birth to Qian Xiaoneng, I thought I knew everything, the parenting books were dusty, and I still remembered to write a diary?

Less than fifteen days after Qian Xiaoya was born, I found out the "Poems of a Thousand Families" as if I held a solemn ceremony, adjusted it into the most pleasant voice of a young mother, and recited it for her

At that time, I don't think children need any enlightenment.

After Qian Xiaoya's full moon, lying in the cradle, in order to stimulate her sensitivity to color, I took great pains to mobilize all the aesthetics and decorate her cradle;

What about Qian Xiaoneng, haha, I think she prefers to look at the silly white ceiling.

After Qian Xiaoya is weaned, it's time to add supplementary food, if possible, I can't wait to grow food and vegetables by myself, every day with books in my left hand and raw materials in my right hand, while referring to ** while making my own home, racking my brains to calculate, delusional that my baby will have the best nutrition in the world after eating this spoonful of things, and his brain is getting smarter and smarter;

It's Qian Xiaoneng's turn, I think he can just eat rice cereal, and besides, he has never disliked it.

Qian Xiaoya is in kindergarten, and all the interest classes you have heard of are singing, dancing, painting, skipping rope, Go, chess, mental arithmetic, ......I'll try them all for her;

As for Qian Xiaoneng, I don't think children need to learn those things, just be able to play. Of course, in addition to liking to play, he still likes to play.

That's right, there is one thing that it is best never to let Qian Xiaoneng know, when Qian Xiaoya was three or four years old, whenever I had classes on weekends, I also spent a lot of money to hire a tutor for her from Beijing Normal University. The teacher didn't need to teach anything, as long as he could play with her. Qian Xiaoneng has never been treated like this.

To sum it up in one sentence:One is extra attentive, and the other is extra free-range.

Image source network. After another six years, Qian Xiaoya was 18 years old and Qian Xiaoneng was 12 years old.

Qian Xiaoya gave up the generous scholarship of the University of Hong Kong and willingly chose her favorite Peking University.

Qian Xiaoneng was booked in advance by two good middle schools.

Now, my friend said again, both children are good!In addition to their different temperaments, they all have ideas, passion, love to learn, Xi love life, love sports, and are all sunny and promising. There's not much difference between reading books and raising pigs!

Haha, here's the problem, classmates, it's far from as simple as it seems.

Just when Qian Xiaoneng was six years old and went to elementary school, I was shocked to find that after so many years of free-range breeding for him, the bitter fruit finally ripened.

So, let's start the story from the beginning.

Abandon the "pig breeding" model

Keep learning and Xi and introspect

I don't know why, maybe I was too attentive to Qian Xiaoya in those years, a little tired, as soon as the second child was born, I suddenly became scattered, no longer looking forward to cultivating children into outstanding people, no longer like to use my brain to find a way, and no longer want to learn Xi parenting knowledge, and unconsciously opened the mode of raising pigs.

I still don't understand this phenomenon why the birth of a second child can generally relieve mothers' parenting anxiety.

It wasn't until Qian Xiaoneng went to school that I woke up instantly.

At that time, Qian Xiaoneng couldn't recognize a few words, couldn't write his own name, couldn't read, couldn't count, I didn't care too much, because I didn't let him learn these before school, but he lacked self-motivation, blindly liked comfort and comfort, and serious ego, these performances made me really worried.

In particular, when I picked up a tutoring book again, I realized that this child had indulged in desolation for too long.

When I can't sleep at night, I pinch my fingers, and it seems that there is still time for a mother to make a change.

It's like raising a child again, and determination and perseverance are like a volcano that has been silent for many years, beginning to release little by little.

First of all, I gave up raising pigs and started the mode of reading books and raising, re-found the books I hadn't read for five or six years, and carefully selected excellent parenting books from the Internet, poured out all the complacency in my belly, and learned Xi seriously.

I don't know if I don't learn, compared with the model of pig breeding in previous years, I was shocked to beat my chest, and I can't wait to turn back the time and raise the child again carefully and attentively.

Secondly, he devoted himself to cultivating Qian Xiaoneng's Chinese and English reading ability, and he was a first-grade child, and after comprehensive measurement, he decided to start with picture books.

During this period, I mobilized all my aesthetic powers, constantly went to bookstores to carefully select books for Qian Xiaoneng, and constantly subscribed to picture books, popular science, comics, and literature on the Internet.

Every night before going to bed, he reads picture books, popular science, and comics by himself, and I read literary books for him energetically and vividly.

For many nights like this, I found him very content and happy. I'm even more.

During the pig breeding model, most of the other children had already started to learn English, and after careful consideration, I decided to make up for this lesson for him myself.

After a lot of research, we chose a set of English textbooks that we could learn at home.

From Qian Xiaoneng's second grade to fifth grade, about 1,000 days and nights, before and after meals, under the lamp in front of the window, accompanied by a CD player, I have always maintained the patience and enthusiasm to accompany him to listen to books.

Stick to his heart, do everything possible to accompany him, help him find and develop a real interest: football.

Image source network. From my awakening to the present, I have never stopped learning Xi and introspection, especially when he was addicted to mobile games in the first year of junior high school, reading and reflecting made me constantly have an epiphany and find a very appropriate way to help him liberate himself from gaming.

The amount of effort spent in this process is really incalculable.

The experience of practicing oneself in one's child

In practice, it has been reflected, adjusted, and improved

If someone asked me, what would you regret the most in the process of educating your children?

I will answer:In the six years after Qian Xiaoneng was born, I was too lazy, interrupted my Xi studies, and didn't pay as much attention to Qian Xiaoya as I did to Qian Xiaoya.

I'm afraid that at this time, you should be interested in Qian Xiaoya.

Well, look back at Qian Xiaoya.

In the six years of Qian Xiaoya's preschool years, with her growth, I was firmly in the Xi of continuous reading and learning, and it is not an exaggeration to say that reading books is not an exaggeration, but between books and life, a wise leap is needed.

Image source network. Here it isI relied on my own livelihoodLive experience,Fully digest the knowledge in the book, and then practice it on the child, and reflect, adjust, and improve it in practice.

When she was in kindergarten, although she tried a variety of interest classes, she was not exposed to all these things.

She is learning while Xi, I am observing, chatting with her, watching her emotions and reactions, so as to judge what she is easy to accept and what is not suitable.

At this stage, although she reads books and raises her, she has never let Qian Xiaoya systematically learn Xi knowledge-based thingsAll learning Xi takes place in nature and play, and much initiation is done even unconsciously.

For example, when she was one year old, she liked to walk on her own, and I took her to take the stairs deliberately, and she took a step, and I counted a number, and when she counted a lot, she naturally associated the number with the number of steps.

Later, she likes to count everything she encounters. It was in the game that she unconsciously understood the concepts of numbers and infinity.

I understand,A mother is too superstitious about books and expert opinions, and it is easy to think rigidly.

To do this, I often remind myself to trust my instincts.

No matter how much a child loves to learn and Xi, my intuition tells me that the ever-changing sky and the earth with different seasons are the places that nurture a child's curiosity and imagination, and curiosity and imagination are the source of creativity.

Therefore, as long as I have the opportunity, I will take Qian Xiaoya to nature and develop a child's soul of being close to nature and loving nature.

Image source network. When Qian Xiaoya went to elementary school, she found that she showed a child's innate self-control and strong interest in knowledge.

At this time, I was not worried about her Xi in school, the only thing I was worried about was that she was afraid that books and her introverted personality would limit her thinking, and she would take the words of teachers and authorities as holy decrees, and she would not be able to cultivate an independent consciousness and dare not control her own future.

The method we chose at this point was to let go!

Almost completely let go, we ask her about anything related to her Xi or life, listen to her opinion, and let her choose for herself.

Even if we sometimes think things are very important, listen to her.

Now that I think about it, I started to naturally stocked her.

From the first grade of primary school to the third year of high school, she chose a major direction, and faced a variety of choices from childhood to adulthood, all of which were decided by Qian Xiaoya herself.

In this way, under the premise of letting go of their hands and feet, children touch and explore the world little by little, gradually know what they are good at and what they are not good at, and gain the ability to think independently and a sense of control over the future.

Looking back now, in fact, reading books does not require parents to actively control their children, let alone dogmatism that follows the trend of books;

Rather, it is a Xi mindset that emphasizes parents' own learning Xi, digests book theories, absorbs indirect experience, and flexibly applies it to ever-changing family life.

Image source network. At the same time, we should take into account the simplicity and intuition of education, know how to let go and give children the right space and time, amplify their characteristics, show their potential, and let them grow up comprehensively and freely.

Qian Xiaoya, after six years of careful upbringing, the child who was born with strong self-control, when we saw that she could be completely self-disciplined, we decisively gave her enough freedom, so she could step by step towards the path of self-exploration, brave creation, and self-development

Qian Xiaoneng, who was Xi used to being free and casual, we later learned Xi book knowledge and practical experience, and learned how to slowly guide and set limits for him, and help him find the rationality and self-discipline that a child should have.