We always like to run away from problems.
was born in a bad family of origin, and when he grew up, he was far away from his family of origin.
When you quarrel with your partner, your first reaction is not how to repair the relationship, or reflect on whose fault it was in the quarrel, and the first thing that comes to mind is always to break up.
If you feel that you can't cope with the exam, you will choose not to register if you can register or not.
If you want to be promoted, but if you want to compete with others, you will comfort yourself that you can't add a few hundred dollars a month if you are promoted.
The stage of life is so big, we know very well that we are not the protagonists of this world.
Therefore, if you can escape, you can escape, and if you can, don't face it.
In the past, I thought that this behavior was cowardice and inferiority, but later I found out that this evasive behavior was habitual helplessness.
What is habitual helplessness?
According to the official definition, habitual helplessness refers to a state of mind formed by a person who has experienced continuous failures and setbacks in certain things and situations, so in the face of new attempts, we instinctively first doubt ourselves, then give birth to resistance, and under the influence of negative emotions, give up further attempts.
There are also people who believe that habitual helplessness is because in the process of growing up, no one has ever helped us solve the contradictions and difficulties we have encountered, we try, then fail, our hearts begin to be negative, and finally when we encounter new contradictions, we will instinctively think that we still can't solve this contradiction by our own ability, so we just want to escape.
Whoever influences me, I will give up whomever this can be a relative or a friend.
We feel in our hearts that if we can't solve this problem, then stay away from the person who created it.
Eventually, such people are called cold-blooded and selfish.
But who would have thought that they once had light in their eyes and would use their strength to warm others, but it is a pity that they did not get any warmth in the process of growing up, so they gave up their expectations of the world and started self-defense.
Selfish is selfish, cold-blooded is cold-blooded, they just run away from the problem and become a cautious person because the cost of trial and error is too high, and there is nothing to rely on.
Why is this happening?
When everyone was a child, they had the experience of talking back to their parents, and some people chose to argue with reason, and finally got a meal of "fried meat with bamboo shoots" and was beaten and screamed.
Some people choose to escape, and their parents nag when they nag, anyway, they either don't listen, or they hide in their little friends' homes, away from trouble and trouble.
Later, when we grew up, in the learning stage, we encountered learning contradictions, and if we met a good teacher, we could solve the problem and slowly approach the top few from the middle grade.
But if you are unlucky, the teacher you meet will make matters worse, and you will be scolded for being stupid and called you stupid, and you will be like a snail and retract into your shell.
When you encounter a problem again, you don't think about asking the teacher, let alone your classmates, you just flip through the book by yourself, and there seems to be no answer, but you already know in your subconscious that no one is reliable.
Later, when you went to university, you felt for the first time that the world was so big, people from all over the world lived in the same dormitory, cultural differences, family differences, you seemed to have a lot of topics, and you didn't seem to be able to talk together.
If you meet good roommates, they will take you out of the haze, ** you grew up with ups and downs, you were guided by the light, and finally walked into the light.
But if you are unlucky, you will be even more inferior and cowardly, and you will wrap yourself in your robe even more, and you will want to be isolated from the world.
Then after graduation, you see the unevenness of the world, you finally understand your own insignificance, and along the way, because you have always relied on yourself, you think more about relying on yourself, you don't understand the rules of this society, so you have taken a lot of detours than others.
How to break the game?Who wouldn't want to be a strong achiever?
Strategizing and winning thousands of miles away, all the problems are confident, but after all, this kind of person is a very small number of people in this world.
Say goodbye to habitual helplessness, the battle of heart and courage, the long journey of self-redemption, no one can help you or guide you, because each of us has a different growth environment and process.
On the long journey of saying goodbye to habitual helplessness, we are all lonely explorers, our own ferrymen.
We have to look at our own hearts, dig into our past, carefully recall and analyze the past that makes us helpless, find the reasons for their formation, and then bravely find the clues.
We can seek help from friends and ask for answers from mentors and friends, but in the end, other people's advice is just advice, and what we need is still to find our own guiding light and measure the path to the light with our own feet.
In the process, you have to learn and build your self-confidence!
Accumulation will energize your success, we can have big goals, but first we have to accomplish small goals.
Why do you feel like you're failing?The most important reason is that we have been staring at the big goal, as long as the big goal is not completed, we will always have a feeling that we are unsuccessful, we ignore the small goals we have completed, ignore the things that we once dreamed of: the car, the house, the children, in the long river of years, in the wrinkles that gradually accumulate on our foreheads.
Reward yourself for completing small goals and believing that you are not a failure.
What others can do, I can still do!
Cultivate your own strong core, don't be swayed by emotions, and don't be easily stabbed by all kinds of happiness and happiness posted by the circle of friends, you must believe that God will make your life better little by little.
You won't be bad all the time, you won't live in the haze all the time, you are changing through your own efforts, and the small goals you have accomplished are the best proof of your change.
2023 will end today, and tomorrow will be 2024.
In the new year, new goals are set up, in addition to the big goals, remember to mark the small goals, reward yourself when you complete them, and gradually make yourself better.
In the new year, learn to accept your imperfect self, don't feel inferior, don't hate yourself, you have to learn to encourage yourself: you are great, you are getting better, you are too good, you will definitely live a happy life, you will definitely achieve your dreams.
Life is full of troubles, learn to be optimistic, if you can, try to challenge yourself, bravely step out of your comfort zone, embrace the unknown world, and experience something you want to do but have never done. New experiences and new opportunities are like a rainbow that will light our way forward.
Firm belief and forge ahead, although saying goodbye to habitual helplessness is a long-lasting battle, but we will definitely be an excellent warrior, we will definitely defeat the inner demon and become our own heroes, 2024, ** oil.
Like and follow**, thanks for your support!