Have you ever used the toilet in a smelly toilet?At first, the nose smells very smelly, you have to hold your breath, and then gradually you don't feel so stinky, and when you stay in it a little longer, the toilet is over, and you walk to a place that doesn't smell, you will find that the bare **, the clothes have the smell of toilet feces. Because I raise flowers, I also have another experience:Push open the door of the garden, smell the rich fragrance of aromatic plants such as jasmine and perfume lily, and put yourself in it, after a while, you will find that the fragrance in the air is not as strong as when you first entered the garden, but you can still smell the fragrance. In fact, the ancients have long summarized this phenomenon and summarized it in words. 
Liu Xiang of the Western Han Dynasty wrote in the Book of the Later Han Dynasty:"Living with good people, such as entering the room of Zhilan, does not smell its fragrance for a long time;Living with the wicked, such as entering the abalone, does not smell its stench for a long time. ”It means that living with a moral person is like entering a house full of orchid fragrance, and after a long time, you will be full of fragrance because of your edification, so you can't smell the fragrance of orchidsLiving with people of inferior quality is like entering a market that sells abalone, and after a long time, even you become stinky, and you don't think abalone is stinky. "Living with good people, such as entering the room of Zhilan, does not smell its fragrance for a long time;Living with the wicked, such as entering the abalone, does not smell its stench for a long time. This phrase is used to describe the impact of the environment on a person. The story of "Meng's mother's three moves" also tells the same truthPeople always use the allusion of "Meng's mother and three moves" to explain the educational role of the environment on children, emphasizing that parents should create a good educational environment for their children and not let their children lose at the starting line, which may be the historical root of modern people buying school district houses for their children. Each of us is affected by the environment, and even changed by the environment. Dr. Marshall Goodsmith, an expert on the impact of the environment on people, said"We think we can control the environment, but it's actually controlling us. ”He gives the example of road rage: "Most people are unaware in their lives of how our environment shapes our behavior. When we get road rage on a congested highway, it's not because we're *** monsters, it's because the car doesn't drive fast, and we follow closely behind the butt of a car, surrounded by rude and impatient drivers, which changes our civilized behavior. We unconsciously put ourselves in an impatient, aggressive, and hostile environment – circumstances that have changed us. ”
I don't need to stress how much the environment affects people, everyone should know it. The ultimate growth of a person depends on the combined effect of self-effort and environmental shaping. So, as adults, can we become our own mothers, by creating a good environment for ourselves, and then change ourselves and grow?What if we seek to shape a better version of ourselves by changing our environment?
Improve your dating environmentLook at your circle of friends, see if those friends are superficial friends of wine and meat, and if everyone together just seems to be lively, but can't really talk to you. Yu Hua said in "Shouting in the Drizzle": "I no longer pretend to have many friends, but return to loneliness and start a separate life with the real me." "Sometimes I can't bear the torment of emptiness because of loneliness, but I'd rather defend my self-esteem in this way than trade shame for that kind of outward friend. "Look at your circle of friends and see if you have more friends around you who are positive and work hard to live, or more friends who are negative and misanthropic and complain about life. Stay away from friends who are very negative every day, always very negative, and constantly complain to you. One visitor told me that for a period of time, he used to spend time with a few friends every day after work, complaining about the company and complaining about the boss while eating, and this life lasted for half a year, and he found that his state was getting worse and worse, not only did he not make progress, but he became more disgusted with work and life. 
So he took the initiative to leave this circle of friends, went to the library after work, went to the café to read books and Xi, and slowly, he felt that he became full and confident, and soon moved to another company with more prospects and willing to pay him more wages. Psychological studies have found that emotions are contagious. If our friends create a negative emotional environment, we need to know how to stay away from it at the right time, rather than blindly indulging in it. Also stay away from friends who like to smoke, drink, stay up late, overeat, etc., because with these people, you are easily influenced by them, and you will become such a person. The psychological book "Self-Control" talks about a study in which smokers who saw people in movies smoke, their brains changed, and the areas of the brain that control hand movements became active. We will model the behavior of others"When we see someone else succumb to **, our brains can also be affected".This is in line with the saying: "Follow the good guy to learn the good guy, follow the tiger to learn to bite." "So,It is very important to be proactive in creating a good circle of friends environment for yourself. Please make more sincere friends and less hypocritical friends;Socialize more with friends who have a positive attitude towards life, and stay away from friends who have a negative attitude towards life and always complain. Because those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black. A good dating environment is conducive to us becoming a better version of ourselves and our future development. 
Improve your family relationship environmentSeveral of my clients have talked about how much they have changed since they went to college or have been away from home, and they have become more cheerful and confident. Why?One of the most important reasons is that they are far from their bad family of originto a better environment than the original family, and to develop in it. In some families, parents quarrel and fight all year round, and the family atmosphere is tense, depressed, and insecureOr parents are very strict, always criticizing and denying their children, and often counting down their children's ** not doing well;Or parents who always vent their frustrations with their work, partner and life on their children......All of this can lead to a child who is in the middle of it becoming nervous, insecure and unconfident. 
When such a child leaves the bad family of origin and comes to a relatively safe, relaxed and friendly environment, perhaps the inner wounds will not heal quicklyHowever, because the negative impact of the original family has become smaller, coupled with the positive impact of the surrounding good environment,For example, when they meet friends, teachers or leaders who are more recognized and encouraged by them, they will gain a certain degree of growth and transformation, and begin to be more proactive in doing things. As a result, people have been more recognized by the outside world, and people have become more capable and confident. Some people will ask why Fan Shengmei, who left home, worked hard in a big city, but still had no money, could not enter marriage, and could not live a good life?Because she has not really gotten rid of the bad family environment in life and psychology, she has been supporting her family of origin and has been being oppressed by a vampire-like family. Some families will empower people, and some families will only consume people's energy constantly. In the face of the latter, we must know how to withdraw as soon as possible and stop losses in time. Some women will get better after divorce, and the same is true, because she got rid of a bad partner, and a bad environment composed of bad partners, and it is better for a person to live alone than in a married life, then her divorce is a stop loss. I have also seen women in counseling who have a bad partner and a bad marriage, and who cannot divorce because they rely on the framework of marriage. 
For example, the husband repeatedly cheats, and the money he earns is only spent by himself, and he does not care about his wife and children, and suffers from depression and anxiety because of a bad marriage, but because he is afraid of divorce and the change of the familiar living environment, a woman who has never dared to divorce will have more serious physical and mental problems as a result. A 75-year Harvard study foundThose who are closer to their family and socialize more with friends and neighbors are happier, healthier, and live longer than those who are unsociable and isolated. Those who are "isolated" have a faster decline in health and brain function by the time they reach middle age, and they do not live as long. Another point found is that the quality of the relationship is more important than the quantity. There is no absolute relationship between loneliness and marriage. Even if you're in a crowd or even married, you can still feel lonely. The number of friends, whether you are married or not, is not the real determining factor, but the quality of the relationship is the most important. A conflict-ridden, loveless marriage has a greater impact on health than divorce. A good and intimate marriage can alleviate the pain of aging. The happiest couples among the participants told us that they felt happy in their 80s, even when they had various health problems. And those who are unhappy in their marriages will experience more physical discomfort because bad emotions magnify the physical pain. Family is a place where a person is deeply affected every day, so we must pay attention to our family relationship environment and try our best to create a loving and harmonious family environment for ourselves. 
Improve your living and working environmentThe Korean drama "Eun-joo's Room" tells the story of Eun-joo, an ordinary girl, who changes her living and working environment and then changes her life and reaps happiness. Eunjoo is a layout designer and a proper social animal, and her body is deformed in the subway during the rush hour every dayPeople have not yet arrived at the company, and the work content is full;With a meager salary, he had to work overtime day and night;Even if you have gastroenteritis, you will hesitate to take a taxi, and finally compromise yourself to get on the bus. Because he couldn't stand the company's oppression, and he was not good at handling interpersonal relationships, Eun-joo resigned. When she just resigned, she regained her freedom and began to sleep in the darkBut as time went on, everything got worse, the schedule was irregular, and the room was messySeeing the busy world in the circle of friends, I will also be very panicked, and I will be urged to marry by my mother, and the pressure is no less than when I go to work. Later, when the lights at home were broken and an interior designer friend came to change the lights for her, her mother looked at the lamps that had just been repaired and said that she wanted Eun-joo to live as new as the freshly changed lights. Eun-joo didn't speak, just stared at the lamp, lost in thought. 
Then, when Eun-joo celebrates her birthday alone, she spills red wine all over the walls. Then she managed to repaint the walls and sat down on the washbasin again. It's really a wave of unevenness. Suddenly, she found that the process of renovating the walls that she had posted on the Internet had been well received by everyone. So, she cheered herself up and began to repair the washbasin. Then she began to clean the pile of dirty dishes, cleaned the kitchen and replaced it with a beautiful cupboard, and then began to organize the wardrobe with the help of her sister. That's all,Eunjoo remodeled her home environment step by step, and unconsciously made her life better. Because she constantly updates her home renovation on the Internet, she has attracted a lot of attention, and some people even want to ask her to help renovate their rooms. So, she started helping others remodel their rooms. Eventually, Eun-joo became an interior designer and combined her work with her interests to have her dream job. Although not everyone will be like Eunzhu, by improving the living environment and working environment, they will change their bad life. But one thing is for sureWe can change our mood and current life by improving our living and working environment.
Whenever I get stuck writing an article, I start to clean up the messy office desktop, and then put on the flowers that have been inserted, looking at the refreshing and beautiful office desktop, and the writing inspiration and motivation will emerge. Improve the quality of our living environment, make our room clean and orderly through our hands, we will gain confidence in hands-on practice, gain pleasure in aesthetics, and also become positive because of the change of the environment from bad to good. There is a "broken window effect" in psychology:If the windows of one house are broken and no one repairs them, it will not be long before the other windows of the house will be brokenIf the graffiti on the wall is not cleaned in time, the wall will soon be covered with all kinds of graffiti;Once there is garbage in a place that is originally clean, people will continue to dispose of it here without hesitation. A room is an energy field, and the negative energy released by the dirty and messy living environment can attract more negative energy, making people lazy, undisciplined, and unmotivated, and getting worse and worse. And stay in a clean and tidy roomInfluenced by the environment, people will be more willing to keep their bodies clean and self-disciplined in their actions, and begin to form a positive effect, making people optimistic and full of positive energy. The same is true of the work environment, which is not suitable for your job position, and the work environment full of negative energy and intrigue with each other will make people worse and worse for a long time. On the contrary, a job where you can play to your strengths, support each other, and be full of positive energy will make you better and better.
Improve the inner environment of your thinking and emotional compositionAll of the above is to change our external environment and then change ourselves. In fact, the environment does not only refer to the external world, you can understand it as a field, and an energy field is more appropriate. And everyone can be a field, and changing the inner environment (field) composed of our thoughts and emotions can change our destiny. Do you know what you usually think about?Are you aware of your own way of thinking?Do you have a reflection on what you are thinking?How much of the things in your head are true and how much are false?How do your thoughts, thoughts, thoughts affect your emotions?Do those thoughts and thoughts help you improve your life?Does it make you more motivated, or does it make you feel more tired?Trying to answer these questions will be very beneficial for you to know your own mind.
The philosopher and psychologist William James said:The human mind is the cause of all things. If you sow an idea, you reap an action;You sow a behavior, and you reap a Xi;You sow a Xi, you reap a character;If you sow a character, you reap a destiny. Negative, negative ways of thinking influence our behavior and ultimately shape our destiny. Some people's way of thinking is that they either constantly regret the past, or they keep worrying about the future, constantly switching back and forth, and a heart is always unable to settle the presentAs a result, the whole person has a feeling of being stuck, and the current life energy is consumed by the past and the future, and it is natural that he cannot live a good life. Some people's way of thinking is always self-attackingI always feel that I am not good here, what I am doing there is wrong, no one outside criticizes him, but he criticizes himself hundreds of times in his brain every day, and his life energy is consumed by a lot of self-attack, so he naturally does not do good things. Some people's way of thinking is to always attack othersLiving in the plot of the victim, I always feel that others are sorry for me, others have hurt me, living in the thinking pattern of the victim and criticizing others, my heart is full of resentment, and my life energy is wasted by my own negative thinking. There are also people who think in a way that is always in comparison with othersThe objects of comparison are often people who are better than themselves in all aspects, so they are: appearance, appearance is not as good as others;Family background, family background is not as good as others;Career development, career development is not as good as others;Even the partner and children around him are also better ...... other people's familiesAs a result, self-defeat, jealousy of others and disapproval of oneself at the same time, more and more pain in the heart, and life cannot be improved.
Be aware of your way of thinking and see if your daily thoughts are really helpful in your lifeWhen you see negative ways of thinking, try to change and transform them. Try to change yourself to a more positive and beneficial way of thinking for your future development. For example, a person who likes to compare himself with others begins to try to stop comparing himself with others and instead compare himself to himself. This year's self has improved compared to last year's self, and today's self surpasses a little bit of yesterday's self, which is a great success. Also, be aware of your daily mood changes. See if you are more in positive emotions such as happiness, joy, calm, and gratitude, or negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, worry, and resentment. To manage emotions, you must first know how to identify your emotions and name them: is it anger or anger?Or is it ...... hurt, lost, frustrated, guilty?After that, you also need to figure out what causes your negative emotions. Is it caused by the same negative thinking in the brain?Is it because your inner psychological needs are not met?Or do you encounter problems that are difficult to solve, such as interpersonal friction and conflict, financial crisis?Or is it that the physical discomfort affects the mood?Addressing different causes can help you relieve your emotions more effectively.
At the same time, you can channel and vent your emotions by talking and being listened to. For example, talk to a friend who understands you, and talk to a counselor. You can also regulate and vent your emotions by taking deep breaths, exercising, and shouting where no one is around. Don't try to confront and avoid your negative emotionsThe more you confront and avoid your negative emotions, the more and worse your negative emotions will become. There are always many unavoidable pains in life, and negative emotions are like clouds on the horizon, back and forth. If you allow yourself to stay with negative emotions,Accept it, see it, let it flow freely through your body, and you will find that emotions are not terrible, they come and go. Thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and often interact with each other. The most important thing is to learn to be aware of our thoughts and emotions, know how to transform them, and then improve our inner environment composed of thoughts and emotions, improve and change ourselves, and live a more energetic and free self.
When I watched the movie "The Shawshank Redemption", every time I watched it, I was moved by Andy's spirit of actively transforming the environment. The prison's library was small, broken, and scarce, and he insisted on writing letters to the state every week, asking for funding to buy books for the Shawshank Prison Library. At first, the state only wanted to send him with two hundred dollars, but Andy wrote more often: two letters a week. After six years of writing letters, the state finally decided to give Shawshank Prison an annual grant of $800, which Andy used to renovate the library and buy all kinds of used books and records.
What was once a cramped and dilapidated library became the largest prison library in New England. Inside, the inmates read, Xi, listen, and gain various skills through reading, and progress with the times. When it comes to the environment, many people will say that they accept the environment and adapt to the environment, which is of course not wrong. But don't forget that each of us has the ability to leave the environment and transform it. Therefore, it is important not to give up personal initiative. When you take the initiative to create a good environment for yourself, whether it is an external environment such as family and work, or an internal environment such as personal thinking and emotions, I believe that your life will be turned upside down.