Family education is an important part of shaping children's character and behavior, and parents, as children's first teachers, play a pivotal role. However, some parents, although they are gentle on the surface, actually use some strong ways to control their children, pretending to be "good parents". This practice not only affects the child's development, but also causes distortions in family relationships. Next, we will focus on several common ways for parents who are gentle on the surface but are actually strong.
This kind of parents often sigh loudly in front of their children, showing that they are "disappointed and unable to blame" for their children's unsatisfactory grades. They do not directly ask the child why he did not do well in the exam, nor do they actively urge the child to work hard. On the contrary, they indirectly stimulate the child's inner guilt by sighing and sighing, so as to achieve the goal of controlling and manipulating the child.
This practice is actually a form of psychological manipulation, by creating a sense of guilt in the child's heart, so that he will actively change his behavior. However, this approach does not really foster a positive attitude, but rather makes the child feel frustrated and helpless.
Such parents often ignore the stress their children face in a more disastrous way. When a child comes home from school and wants to cry at the test paper, but tries hard but can't improve his grades, good parents will first express empathy and comfort, and then check whether there is a problem with the Xi learning method. However, this superficial empathy is not present in some parents. They will say that "pressure is motivation" and compare the pressure of their work to make the child feel that his pain is insignificant.
This practice actually ignores the child's real needs and emotions, making the child feel misunderstood and powerless to change their situation. What children need is real understanding and support, not being ignored and miserable.
This kind of parent gives the child freedom on the surface, but in fact has a high degree of control over the child's choice, and wants to earn the reputation of "caring" in this way. Their behavior is often suffocating, especially in the presence of elders who lack wisdom. They only value appearances, and it is difficult for them to put themselves in the shoes of a child to evaluate a thing.
For example, a mother asks her child to choose between two foods, and the child chooses the food A that she likes, but the mother's heart wants the child to choose food B. As a result, she will indirectly reject the child's true choice, and will not be satisfied until the child is replaced by B. This kind of behavior seems to give the child free choice, but in fact it is to control the child in the most depressing way.
This practice makes children feel that they are unable to freely express their thoughts and preferences, and that they lose the right to think independently. This is no different from a puppet, with no regard for the child's needs and personality development at all.
These parents, who are gentle on the surface but are actually strong, may be motivated by their own good intentions, but they violate the principles of good family education. They control their children's behaviors, choices, and emotions and ignore their children's needs and personality development.
In family education, we should pay attention to cultivating children's independent thinking ability, independent choice ability and self-confidence. Rather than shaping the child's behavior and willingness through coercion and control. Only by truly paying attention to the growth and development of children, and giving them full support and respect, can we raise the next generation of independent and responsible children.
Around me, there is indeed a phenomenon of such parents. They are superficially gentle and considerate, but in reality they influence their children's actions and choices through control and manipulation. This practice not only harms the child's self-esteem and personality development, but also destroys the harmony of family relationships. I once met a friend whose parents were always dictating her choices with their own expectations, making it impossible for her to truly express her wishes and interests. This made my friend feel very restricted, and she gradually began to develop a sense of resistance towards her parents and tried to stay away from their control.
As an editor, I know that homeschooling has a profound impact on children. A good family environment can cultivate children's self-confidence, independent thinking and social adaptability. Parents who are gentle on the surface but are actually strong often ignore their children's needs and personality development. Therefore, we need to pay attention to the importance of family education, and at the same time, we need to strengthen the education of parents, so that they can truly understand and respect the growth needs of children. Only in this way can we work together to create a good environment for the healthy growth of children.