Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection", and I wish you all a happy start to 2024!All the best!
(Note: The joke collection is divided into 7 categories: life jokes, couple jokes, campus jokes, hilarious elementary school students, family jokes, troublesome jokes (misunderstanding-embarrassment), and Q&A jokes (high-energy hilarious God reply). Among them, life jokes include humorous jokes, hilarious jokes and hellish jokes, all of which are ** in life, aiming to stimulate resonance points, make you think of the past around you, and can't help but laugh!For more content, please click on the avatar to enter the homepage Article and then choose the corresponding collection according to your hobbies**!
Fun facts about toll booths.
When a driver drives to the exit of the toll booth to pay the fee!I saw a beautiful toll collector very beautiful!I watched dumbfounded for a long time, and took the initiative to talk to someone else, but the toll collector ignored him.
After paying the fee, the toll collector politely gestured and said, "Please go slowly!".”
The driver's reluctant start of the car was about to leave, when the toll girl shouted, "Be careful!".”
The driver was overjoyed and hurriedly responded through the window: "Goodbye, little baby!."”
The toll collector shouted again, "Be careful of your liver." ”
At this moment, I only heard a bang!The parking pole at the toll booth was directly damaged by the driver.
The toll collector immediately walked out of the toll booth and said, "Shouting to be careful with the pole, be careful with the pole, you don't listen!"Also ......Baby, this is good, the pole was broken by you!”
I was driving in line at the toll intersection and it made me laugh to death.
I have a brother who has always been single, once went out to drink, I called a few sisters, and when I was halfway through drinking, my brother complained to my sister: "I really don't understand you girls, why don't you like straight men, but like to be with scumbags!".”
The girl said casually at the time: "Because it's hard to be with a straight man!."”
The brother was puzzled and asked, "Why?"”
A girl said to him, "If you want to know the answer, go to my house tonight and I'll tell you!."”
The brother said at the time, "It's inconvenient, you can say it now!."”
I really convinced him at the time, and let him fly the swan meat that gave him his mouth!
During the Spring Festival last year, during the New Year's greetings, because there was no change for playing cards, I took 50 yuan from my nephew's New Year's money, and then forgot about it.
Today, my nephew was doing his homework, and the pen ran out of ink, so he came to borrow it from me, and when he was done, he returned the pen to me, and I said, "You don't have to be in such a hurry to return it to me." ”
The nephew said solemnly: "If you don't pay back what you owe to others, you feel uncomfortable in your heart, and you owe me fifty yuan for more than half a year, do you feel uncomfortable?"“
My mother, I was a little embarrassed at the time!」
Once, a few of our girlfriends went out to drink, and when they drank a little, halfway through, a sister ran to the toilet, but mistakenly entered the men's toilet, and was ridiculed by a man and embarrassed.
Later, my sister bought a house and installed two toilets directly, and we asked her why
She said: "One men's toilet, one women's toilet, I can go to the men's toilet if I want to, I can go to the men's toilet if I want to, I can go to the women's toilet, and see who can take care of the." “
Hehe, it made us laugh at the time, but I didn't expect that incident to hurt her so much!
The first time I went to a five-star hotel, the waiter inside was too polite, smiling at you at every turn, and asking if you were helpful, I pretended to be and asked my buddy: "This service is great, this is the most polite waiter I have ever seen." ”
The buddy cut me and said, "What is this?".”
I looked at me with admiration and asked, "Brother, what's the best service term you've heard?"”
As a result, my brother took me to experience it the next night, and it was really good, until now I hear "Welcome, two men!"."It's so exciting!
Talent, really talent!」
I went on a blind date today, and after sitting down, I told the woman about my basic situation, and just as I was about to ask her what she wanted, she interrupted me and asked, "Do you have any small animals at home?"”
I replied, "No!."If you like, I can also have a cat or a dog or something, in fact, I also like small animals. ”
The girl said: "I don't like cats and dogs, I like Land Rover, Hummer, Jaguar, BMW, this kind of rough one." ”
I was speechless!It seems that people still look down on my conditions!
The heart-rending cry of a child came from Lao Wang's house next door...
I put down the dishes and chopsticks and ran over, grabbed Lao Wang's stick, patted him and said, "Lao Wang, it is inevitable for children to make mistakes, spare him..."”
Lao Wang said angrily: "No, this kid writes love letters to people everywhere..."”
I comforted and said, "What's this, my daughter has a boyfriend in the fifth grade, children, just educate yourself." ”
Lao Wang said angrily: "The key is that his love is written in my name!."And hand it to his homeroom teacher!”
Oh, haha, my mother, she almost didn't knock me out laughing!」
When I was a freshman in high school, a junior high school classmate asked me to help him deliver a love letter and buy me a lot of snacks, and I agreed to him at that time. After he left, I threw the love letter directly into the trash and muttered: "Just like you, you still have a face that likes people, not to mention your appearance, and your feet are not as tall as others." ”
A week later, he came to ask me, and I told him, "I gave her a love letter, and she told me to tell you, don't disturb her studies in the future!"”
Now ten years later, I don't dare to go to every class reunion, because the two of them actually came together for some reason, and I was afraid that he would mention the love letter back then!
On a quiet afternoon in the office, a colleague who is usually unobtrusive crouches under a desk, as if to repair his computer or something. After a while, he suddenly screamed in horror: "Oh no, I actually pressed the wrong switch!".”
I asked, "What switch?".“
He yelled, "I actually pressed the master switch of all the computer power strips!."”
The whole office was stunned, looking at the lit computer screen and thinking that he had hit a ghost.
My colleague said, "Our computers are still on?"”
Frustrated and helpless, he said, "Because I haven't raised my hand yet." ”
In an instant, the entire office suddenly fell into tension and shouted: "Hold on, don't move, you are our hero!".”
Talent, really talent!」
When your girlfriend for many years suddenly jokingly asks you, "If we break up in the future, will you come to my wedding?"How Would You Answer?
Five years ago, I replied to her like this: "It depends on whether I can go to work or not, and if I am busy with work, I will not go." ”
We broke up within half a year, and at the end of the year she invited me to her wedding.
I didn't go, not because I was busy at work, but because I didn't have any fucking money.
Everyone may laugh when they see this, and some people may even feel bored and embarrassed. But that's really how it is in real life!First, she won't ask you that for no reason, and second, if I really have money, she won't leave me. Third, for most people, they have asked someone else for help, but do you think that if I borrow money to attend my ex-girlfriend's wedding, it will become a second joke?
Actually, the reality is very helpless, and in retrospect, I just took it as a joke, a humorous joke!
I met her occasionally on the street today, and she asked me: ".Why didn't you come when I got married?
I smiled at the corner of my mouth and said, ".Didn't you say that if I'm busy at work, I won't come!
As the two looked at each other and smiled, she looked at me affectionately and said, ".yes, I remember you said that!
At that moment, we all thought of the 'before' as a kind of good memory!
Don't hit the swollen face and rush the fat man, and there is a perfect turn!What would you do if it were you?」
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