Reporter Li Jing Wang Kaizhi
Walking four or five kilometers along the winding mountain road, the remnants of the winter snow are deeper, and Du Shenzhong's home in the mountain nest is deeper.
12 years ago, the documentary "China in the Village" was filmed in Yiyuan Biyu Village, Zibo, and the protagonist was Du Shenzhong. He is an "alternative" in the village, chasing literary dreams and pipa dreams that do not belong to the yellow earth, and coveting the world beyond two acres of apple land.
Du Shenzhong is 70 years old, and he has been torn apart from reality all his life, but he still does not succumb to reality. He tried to keep up with the trend, turned on the live broadcast, and faced the camera again, wanting to "show his heart".
China in the Countryside" protagonist Du Shenzhong.
The mountain boss has something to say.
In the dim light, Du Shenzhong turned on his mobile phone and clumsily operated the live broadcast backstage. then told everyone in front of the camera that he was Du Shenzhong, the protagonist of "China in the Village".
Du Shenzhong in front of him, with high cheekbones, sunken cheeks, and hair combed back. Compared with the image in the documentary of the man wearing cotton clothes and writing the Tao Te Ching on the ground with a pen dipped in water, his appearance has changed.
In July this year, her daughter Xiaomei sent a few messages of Du Shenzhong's **, and many people left messages and liked them. So, Xiaomei proposed to let Du Shenzhong be his own **, and let his younger brother Du Hailong do technical guidance for him. The first live broadcast, Hailong was guarding next to Du Shenzhong. In the second live broadcast, Du Shenzhong can operate it by himself.
Eleven years ago, after Jiao Bo's "China in the Village" was broadcast, journalists, scholars, and students from major universities poured into this small mountain village. Du Shenzhong asked Jiao Bo, how did a few shots cause such a big response?Over the years, there have been fewer visitors, but people continue to come.
Recently, many people found that Du Shenzhong had started a live broadcast and wanted to hear him tell the stories that had happened over the years. Du Shenzhong said: "The wilderness in the mountains is commonplace. ”
To do a live broadcast, at first it was to catch ducks on the shelves, but Du Shenzhong himself was willing, he felt that this was a difficult and interesting new topic. "First, over the years, many people have sent me pen, ink, paper and inkstones, and I have gained a group of friends from all over the country, some of whom I have never even met, and I am very grateful to them for understanding me. Furthermore, there is indeed a lot to say. ”
Du Shenzhong received rice paper from a friend.
Du Shenzhong has insomnia all the year round, and at night, his mind is turned over and over, the waves are turbulent, and he can't find an exit.
For many years, he has been obsessed with his literary dream, "Now, the impulse of the literary dream is still there, but I don't want to realize it, and it is impossible to realize it." Sometimes, Du Shenzhong also wants to put pen to paper, but he is concerned about whether his views are correct, whether they are in line with social trends, and whether they can properly express their emotions. He felt that he couldn't grasp these things, and he hadn't reached the point where he could do whatever he wanted.
But he was not reconciled. "I always feel that it would be a pity not to express something in this life, not to express my heart as a farmer to the world. ”
It's hard to dream of a pipa.
When he went out to pick up the courier, Du Shenzhong met Mr. Du, who had accompanied him to the county seat to buy pipa. Teacher Du said: "If you buy that pipa now, it is estimated that it will cost two or three thousand." ”
Du Shenzhong met Mr. Du, who had accompanied him to the county seat to buy pipa.
This farmer has a keen sense of beauty. An important clue in the documentary is that Du Shenzhong bought a pipa.
At that time, Du Shenzhong took Mr. Du to Yiyuan County to buy pipa, cutting it from 840 yuan to 690 yuan. After more than 50 years of dreams, he said, "Hold the beauty". After buying it home, he lied to his wife Zhang Zhaozhen that it only cost 490 yuan. Afterwards, Zhang Zhaozhen learned the truth and quarreled with him, "If I have this money, how much can I do!."”
Du Shenzhong pointed to the pancakes on the table and said indignantly, "People need to eat, and they have to live." The spirit also needs to be fed and fed. ”
The pipa that Du Shenzhong bought.
In the past ten years, Du Shenzhong always wants to pluck the strings and learn the pipa, but the environment seems to have become his biggest problem. In order to escape these trivialities and noises, he went out to work. But as soon as he went out, he was reluctant to play the pipa, as if he was parting with a friend. So, Du Shenzhong took the pipa to work. On the construction site, Du Shenzhong, who had lunch, picked up the pipa and played a few notes, but the boss thought he was not doing his job. Therefore, the pipa became a piece of his luggage, "how to take it, how to get it back".
There are also experts who come to the village to teach Du Shenzhong to play the pipa. Du Shenzhong had just put on his pipa nails and wanted to learn a few notes, but there were always some bits and pieces, so he could only put the pipa down helplessly. Du Shenzhong said to the teacher embarrassedly, "I'm not a brilliant student. ”
It's not my business as a farmer. There is still a complex, and this has become a state of life, just like eating vegetables and salt. Du Shenzhong knew that pipa didn't seem to be popular here.
Today, the lute lies long in the case and sits next to the desk. Du Shenzhong is no longer entangled in whether he can play the pipa, and he is already very content to have this very beautiful thing in his mind. "As soon as you think of the pipa, all the beautiful pictures appear. Du Shenzhong said, "But as a farmer, I have these ideas, which seems to be a fantasy." ”
Pots and pans are a reality.
Don't talk about these things, it's useless, it's been a lifetime, and nothing has been done. ”
The calm conversation was interrupted by his wife, Zhang Zhaozhen. She scooped up a few pieces of coal and threw them into the furnace, causing a cloud of sparks.
Zhang Zhaozhen saw the express delivery at home, "I sent rice paper again, how can we repay others?"Du Shenzhong said: "Let's just be a good farmer." People also hope that we will be safe, smooth and prosperous, and the old couple will be in harmony. Zhang Zhaozhen caught up with the sentence, and spoke very quickly: "Can harmony last long?"Noisy and noisy can last. ”
Du Shenzhong and his wife Zhang Zhaozhen.
More often, in the face of his wife, Du Shenzhong chose to remain silent. He is clear, silent below, and the undercurrent is surging.
This old house seems to be divided into two spaces. On the left, there is a pen, ink, paper and inkstone on a toon wood desk, and on the dark wall hangs "Luo Shen Fu", which Du Shenzhong spent more than ten days to write. On the right, hot water is boiling on the stove and Chinese cabbage is stacked on the dining table.
When Du Shenzhong was thirty or forty years old, he engaged in creation for a period of time. "It's not clean, it's noisy, it's all over the place. Du Shenzhong sometimes sat motionless in a daze, and Zhang Zhaozhen got up in the middle of the night and was startled, "You are like the living dead." ”
After living together for more than 30 years, Du Shenzhong felt that his wife still didn't understand him. "I hate her and understand her. If she doesn't, it's not her. But I feel heartache in the face of this. ”
Du Shenzhong concluded that the root of their quarrel was money. "Only, I'm not the hand that grabs money. He felt that he didn't seem to have anything to do with money in his life.
In the documentary, Zhang Zhaozhen said, "The two of us have been a war movie all our lives. Nowadays, the "war movie" continues to be staged, and the background is the "Symphony of Pots and Pans".
At that time, her daughter Xiaomei dropped out of school because of tuition fees, which made Du Shen loyal like a knife. They pinned their hopes on their son Hailong, hoping that Hailong would go out. Hailong has had good academic performance since he was a child, but he became obsessed with hip-hop dancing in high school, was admitted to Liaocheng University, and now works in Qingdao. Du Shenzhong said frankly, "I don't ask about his affairs, and he doesn't communicate with me, I think he knows it." Now, Hailong's marriage has become a major event in Zhang Zhaozhen's mind. "She whined a little and took out her anger at me. Noisy, it's a lifetime. Du Shenzhong paused.
In Du Shenzhong's mobile phone, the note he gave Zhang Zhaozhen was "home". Three meals a day, coarse tea and light rice, Zhang Zhaozhen always arranges properly, and the hygiene at home is also taken care of neatly. For these, Du Shenzhong is grateful.
If you have to have a spiritual pursuit, you can't drink the northwest wind. But financially not too much, if you can live and survive, it's fine. "These are the changes that the years have made in his thinking.
Loser".
In winter, the village is particularly quiet, with only a few villagers digging into the ground to prune apple branches. Du Shenzhong doesn't like to go out, "I don't want to care about things on the land anymore." ”
In the documentary, he planted more than 90 apple trees on more than two acres of apple land. Over the course of a year, Du Shenzhong's income from selling apples was 14,500 yuan, deducting 7,000 yuan from the cost, and making a net profit of 7,800 yuan. Talking about Du Shenzhong, the villagers said he was lazy. Zhang Zien, the village secretary, said, "He is out of place in the village."
A few years ago, Du Shenzhong contracted out the apple land for 3,600 yuan a year. What is the harvest this year, what is the apple**, he will not ask. "I feel sorry for those who are lying on their stomachs on the land, and I don't feel good in my heart. ”
At this age, Du Shenzhong wants to do what he likes wholeheartedly, such as writing and reading. "Don't seek merit, but seek progress. ”
If you want to think about it, you have to face life. Over the years, Du Shenzhong went out to work, went to the brick factory to make bricks, went to the mine to open stones, and dealt with cement and stones all day long. "Despite the hardship and tiredness, I have another idea to support me, I am turning the pages of the book, turning the book of life and society. "He felt that he had gained a lot and enjoyed himself.
Du Shenzhong who played erhu.
Du Shenzhong said: "My current situation is inseparable from what I did when I was young. ”
Du Shenzhong, who was born in the village of Liyu, was desperate to leave the mountains, get rid of the habitual lifestyle of the peasantry, and think about things other than working, eating, and sleeping. He loved to read since he was a child, and when he saw it, he was hungry and thirsty. Du Shenzhong, who graduated from high school, went to work as an artillery soldier for five years, and then was demobilized and returned home. Later, he stayed at home to study and write, and did not get married until he was 34 years old. The day after his marriage to Zhang Zhaozhen, Du Shenzhong crossed the mountains and went to Lu Xun Academy of Literature to study. The manuscript he wrote was recommended by the teacher to various editorial departments, and they were all returned. Hopes were gradually shattered, and he eventually returned to this small mountain village.
I've never been confident all my life, and I always feel like there's a mountain beyond the mountain. I thought about struggling, but the conditions in all kinds of things were not good, and in the end I was down-to-earth and went out without struggling. Du Shenzhong smiled.
Some people are curious about what Du Shenzhong is reading now. Du Shenzhong replied: "In the past, I didn't read some books thoroughly, but now I want to calm down and read my book." ”
I'm a failure. Du Shenzhong recalled his life, "I continue to fail." A loser is still exploring. ”
True solitude is enjoyment.
A few years ago, Du Shenzhong built two new houses next to the old house, thinking about leaving them for his children to live in when they returned home. The old couple is still used to living in the old house, "just tinker and live comfortably." The wooden door of the old house couldn't be hidden, so he replaced it with a new one. In winter, it's a little chilly in the house.
Du Shenzhong rubbed his hands warm, walked to the desk, spread out the rice paper, leaned over, and began to write. In the past few years, his right hand has trembled so much that he has practiced writing with his left hand. Du Shenzhong writes diligently, but he always says that he is still running on the road of learning. Even if he was not satisfied with one stroke, he would invalidate the whole piece of rice paper - keep it for practice.
Du Shenzhong, who longs for loneliness.
In the live broadcast room, there were many people asking for words, Du Shenzhong decided to write for everyone, and he also specially instructed Hailong ** not to set the height. Hailong bought the box containing the scroll from the Internet, and Du Shenzhong felt that it was too valuable. "Is it worth using this kind of box? He called Hailong again and asked him to help buy some envelopes to put them in.
Someone else suggested that Du Shenzhong bring the goods, but he didn't agree. "I'm not going to buy or sell. In the past, Du Shenzhong wrote Spring Festival couplets to sell, but everyone took one away, and he was helpless. When the apricots were ripe, he picked two baskets and took them to the market, where they were quickly robbed, but the money fell into his own hands.
He longs to be alone, and when he is alone at home, reading a book or writing a word, he feels very relaxed. "True solitude is a pleasure for me, a training ground for the soul. I'm lonely, but I'm not lonely. Sometimes, he sat in the courtyard, watched the bright moon in the sky, thought of Li Bai and Du Fu, and often burst into tears.
Talking about these, Du Shenzhong became excited. "In this life, I feel that I am happier than others. Because of freedom, my mind and soul have no cage. He said, "People may sound like I'm crazy." I don't need people to understand, I just want to understand. ”
The reporter asked him what he had been struggling and suffering in his heart all these yearsDu Shenzhong said: "I am a husband, but I always feel that there is a lot of spiritual deficiency, and the pursuit of spirit is insatiable. I never give up, I'm positive. ”
The years have made him look down on a lot of things, but he has never been relaxed about this problem. "There is no way to reconcile. I can't find one of my own. Even if it's martyrdom, I'm going to pursue it. Only the moment he picked up the pen and sprinkled it, the things he wanted to rush out of his chest could be slightly dissolved.
After the New Year this year, before I turned around, it was the New Year again. Du Shenzhong sighed, time flies, slipping away year by year. He is 70 years old, but he feels that he has not yet started his real life. His lifelong love for Chinese culture and Chinese landscapes, "although I can't reach them, my heart yearns for them." ”