In a previous article, we shared an article titled "Awareness, My Healing Process", which was not shared in its entirety due to the length of the article. The reason why I did this sharing was because I saw an article about healing in the Dram alumni column.
Perhaps, a person's real healing process is more convincing than the methods in the various narratives.
The book continues with our sharing.
Cultivating a positive mind: living alone, returning to the self-class for integration
Although studying Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism, exercising and meditating have brought peace to my self and enabled me to perform my life functions healthily and normally, I have also found that my relationship with my parents, lovers, friends and colleagues has always been strained and often emotional, so people around me think I am like a hedgehog.
After another breakup, I didn't want to start a new relationship, but let myself be with myself and see what I really valued and wanted. So I changed jobs and moved to another city and started living alone for the first time in my life.
After living alone for a few years, I sincerely feel that this is the highest quality of life in my life: being free and responsible for myself, no one is pointing fingers at me, and I don't have to point fingers at others;Learn about your food and home preferences;I lived my own rhythm, and when I was in a low state, I was lazy, and when the energy came back, I was alive again.
Then one day, I finally saw my shadow and embraced it:
At that time, I had been in a slump for two weeks, and I didn't want to tidy up my room and pack my belongings, so I let it go. But that night, all of a sudden, my energy was restored, and I cleaned up my house in one fell swoop, and it was back to normal. Looking at the neat room, I realized that the state of people is like a pendulum, even if it goes down, there will always be its own rhythm to swing back.
I recalled my ex-boyfriend's accusation that I didn't wash the dishes in time, and I also recalled my dissatisfaction with my ex-boyfriend's dissatisfaction with not cleaning up the housework when he was in a low state, how ridiculous. Everyone has lived to the present, has the current state, naturally has his own way, and neither he nor outsiders need to worry about it!
It turns out that all kinds of harsh criticism of oneself and others in the past are meaningless, and when people are in a good state, there are times when they are in a bad state, and vice versa, and when the momentum of a bad state is exhausted, they will return to a normal or even good state. At that moment, I knew I had finally accepted myself that I had always wanted to accept. Reading according to Wilbur's spectrum of consciousness, I finally integrated roles and shadows, ego and non-self in the ego hierarchy.
Cultivating a positive mind: from the opposition of self and non-self to the opposition of self and others
Speaking of self and others, we have to mention the biosocial belt of the spectrum of consciousness. To put it simply, it is the hierarchy of people and society, subordinate to the existence of the organism and the environment. The most striking dichotomy in the biosocial zone is the opposition between life and death (or past and future), and between self and others (organism and environment). The distinction between life and death has a past and a future, needs and desires arise, and alienation and competition between people begin.
In the ego level, we focus on "me", and in the biosocial belt, we focus on "me and you".
Social factors profoundly affect the way individuals experience the real world and subsequently experience themselves, including language structure, social value system, and internal unspoken rules of communication. In short, the individual is influenced by the interpretation and mapping of transformed reality that society has given him. The individual's disposition of these mappings belongs to the ego class, but the mapping itself is undoubtedly a phenomenon of the biosocial belt.
A large number of such symbolic mappings make up the biosocial belt, so the biosocial belt is all these universal social practices, such as the linguistic structure and syntax, logic, law, and prevailing moral standards that are unique to a given culture;Basic religious opinions, family structures, and strong taboos;goals, rules of communication, strategies, and common-sense assumptions about reality;The concept of meaning, value, self-worth and influence.
That is, to shape the individual's prior consciousness into a form that is acceptable, meaningful, and conventional. In this way we begin to realize that it is these ideas that shape the awareness of the individual!In fact, individuals learn to edit and interpret reality as social terms that are shared with others. Obviously, if an individual wants to communicate with everything around him, then he must learn to transform his experience into a meaningful unit in society. In fact, this is what it means to be a "member" in a society (culture, subculture, group, or family), because a person can only become a member of a society if he succeeds in internalizing the mapping, or constituting a collection of symbolic relations in that society. To put it simply, a person is considered to be in a society when he is "integrated" into that society.
Ken Wilbur, The Spectrum of Consciousness
Almost all the problems dealt with by psychology are at this level, such as social, love and work, and the core problems are the difficulties and conflicts encountered by individuals at this level, and these problems will be mapped to the self-class to cause self-**.
The integration that I am working on at this level is thanks to narrative psychology. Narrative psychology is a kind of postmodernist psychology that separates people and problems to see the meaning behind them. This meaning has social, cultural, group, family, etc. conventions or focuses on such as: moral standards, mainstream values, cultural customs, etc., and there will also be an individual's own meaning, such as wishes, expectations, cherishing, etc.
When there is a conflict between social and personal meanings that cannot be reconciled, it will manifest as a psychological problem. In our daily life, the conflict between the individual and the other is often due to the different "views" (meanings) of a certain matter, and often because different historical and experienced experiences in the past have formed different cognitive concepts.
So, we are not communicating directly with the world, our concepts are communicating with each other, we are not experiencing the world, but we are experiencing the concepts that exist in the world, such as dream bubbles, but believing in them, and emotions arise from this.
Ever since I became aware of the conceptual way of communication between people, I have begun to practice listening to the personal concepts in the words of others, reacting to them, and deconstructing them to obtain the values and emotions that are cherished behind them.
In the anger of the other party, we hear the importance of responsibility and fairness, and in the complaints, we hear the importance of cohesion and persistence, and all decisions, pros and cons are the manifestations of these values and emotions, and the expression of the other party is understood by understanding the value of the other person.
Gradually, I went from not expressing negative emotions to being aware of my own expression before the negative emotions started, to expressing them directly without emotions rising, and also to understand the expressions and concepts behind the other person beyond the emotions when others were emotional.
As a result, there are no longer incomprehensible grievances and complaints and all kinds of unaccustomed grievances in my world. Of course, this does not mean that I have lost my position and persistence, but I still keep my own opinion, and at the same time, I am clearly aware that the world has a view of the world. (To be continued).
If you want to finish reading this story quickly, you can go to Positive Mind uh*** Search and read. More knowledge and stories about psychology can give you satisfactory answers.