Hello everyone, I'm "he said", and welcome to the "Joke Collection".
After dinner, my wife was playing with her phone on the sofa while I was washing dishes in the kitchen. At this time, my mother came to visit the door, and I opened the door with a rag and accompanied her into the house. Then I saw my wife lying on the sofa with a towel on her forehead, she "struggled" to prop herself up, and said in a weak voice: "Mom, you are here?..This thing really can be loaded!
My husband and I ate at home, and my husband put a lot of delicious meat in his bowl. I was very unhappy at the time, and finally I couldn't bear it anymore, so I pouted and asked: Husband, don't you love me?Before, when we ate together, you stuffed meat in my bowl, but now you have it all for yourself!
My husband looked up at me and said, "Wife, you think too much!".I used to give you meat because I wanted to make you fat, so that others wouldn't beat you!But now, you're 180 pounds, and it's estimated that no one will want to give you away!
The wife was weighing herself when she noticed her husband snickering on the sidelines. The wife was very angry and yelled: Do you think I am fat.
The husband put away his smile and said with a serious face: "According to your weight, your height should be about one meter eight." So it's not fat, it's short. ”
kindly wrote a hidden poem to his wife, but not only did he not appreciate it, but he was almost beaten to death by her, which is so unreasonable!Help me see why she hit me:
MeBorn like this,LoveWhat the hell, who do you think you are?
Blind all day long, when you are angry, you are like a dominatrix, not gentle at all, how can there be a person like you in the world?
I went to a western restaurant with my daughter-in-law to eat, and I was about to eat the steak that had just come up, and my daughter-in-law said to me: Close your eyes, I will surprise you.
I closed my eyes happily, I felt that this surprise was unusual, and after waiting for a long time, she happily said to me to open it, and then everything in front of me shocked meBoth plates of steak were eaten by this dog!
In the morning, I went to a company for an interview, and the HR manager asked me, "Why did you leave your last company?".”
I said, "People go to high places, and water flows to low places." ”
Yes, you have vision. ”
They say I'm a parallel import, so I'll go to your company. ”
HR Manager: Get out!
Going to the supermarket with my ex-girlfriend, seeing that the shopping cart was almost full, I said, "It's too much, let's not buy it, it's hard to carry it for a while." ”
She gently rebuked: "Stingy, I can't go to the supermarket." ”
I'm reluctantI can't bear to carry my shopping bag in both hands on the way home, and I can't hold your hand.
Hey hey!Witty me, snickering)
Today I changed to a new number and texted to tease my girlfriend.
Do you want to know your fate with him or her?Please reply directly to the real name of the two people, and the consultation fee is two yuan. ”
Receive a text message after a minuteIt's the name of my girlfriend and one of my brothers
The wife suddenly asks her husband, "Do you love me?"”
Love, of course love!The husband replied without hesitation.
The wife thought for a while and asked, "Are you afraid of hurting me?"
The husband hurriedly said, "No, no, I said it because I was afraid that you would hurt me." ”
At a dinner party at work, a female colleague got drunk, so I had to drive her home. For fear of misunderstanding, he didn't tell his wife about it. The next morning, I drove my wife to work, and suddenly found a woman's shoe at my wife's feet, so I took advantage of the moment my wife looked out the window, quickly picked up the shoe and threw it out of the window, and then I was relieved. When I arrived at my wife's unit, my wife shouted: ".Huh?What about my other shoe?
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